The Good Looking Loony Toons Stalker Guy
by jajo
Summary: Ever wondered why Jasper and Alice are perfect for each other. He calms her down and keeps her grounded. Duh! But why is Jasper so attracted to Alice? Best Crackfic WIP Twific Indie Award Winner!
1. Chapter 1

I snuggled in my bed, turning over, and pulling my bed spread up to my chin. I was having the best dreams about getting locked overnight in a shopping mall when I heard the noise again. I struggled to open my eyes as slowly I woke up.

I looked around my door room and fumbled for my cell phone charging next to my bed. It read 3:34 AM in the morning. What in the heck had woken me up so early?

Maybe I was just missing my roomie Bella who was spending the night at her boy friend's apartment. Lucky bitch was dating an upperclassman with a car and his own place off campus. I was _so_ envious.

_Crash. _

That came from outside. 

Then came the not so comforting sound of something pounding against my window.

Fuck. Now I was sitting up in bed, wide awake, heart thudding, pulse racing. My favorite line from the movie _Speed_ popped into my head: _Pop quiz, asshole. Someone is trying to break into your room. What are you gonna do? What are you going to do?_

I looked around the room for a weapon. The sharpest thing I had was my nail file and I didn't think that would do much good. Instead I went and grabbed my industrial size aerosol hair spray from my bureau and started fumbling in Bella's stuff for a lighter. Thank goodness her boy friend smoked and so Bella, being a total enabler, always had a lighter lying around.

_Time to toast a wannabe BTK killer_. I could see shadowy fists pounding at my window, backlit by the streetlight outside.

Fists pounding on the one large glass window in my small dorm room. A window I'd never suspected would be a security risk because, hey, my room is on the fourth floor.

How the fuck did anyone get up here?

And why the fuck didn't this wake up any of my neighbors? My RA caught me trying to sneak a bottle of Boones into my room last week at 4 AM. She's always sneaking around in the middle of night. Freakin' Martha Stewart clone insomniac. Note to self: spike her caffeine free pumpkin spice cappuccinos with sleeping pills the next time I crave a fuzzy navel in bed.

_OK, Alice, focus girl and back away from the window and get the hell out of this _room. The window was rattling like crazy under the repeated blows and I was sure it was going to explode into a zillion pieces. Dude, this guy was not giving up. I shook the aerosol can nervously, to make sure it had some flammable liquid in its innards.

I doubled up my efforts and suddenly my back was up against the door. I was just turning the handle when pounding from behind caused me to jump a foot forward, back into the middle of my dorm room. _Shit, I'm surrounded._ I started to hyperventilate.

Some voice inside my head was screaming at me to scream. Out loud. Not just in my head. But it is really hard to do that when you've just discovered you have asthma and you don't have an inhaler. I literally couldn't breathe because I was so scared.

I was about to open my mouth to give my best horror movie heroine scream in between wheezes, when a familiar voice called my name from behind the locked door.

"Alice, wake up!" called Jasper Hale, my stalker, from behind the door. "You're in danger!"

Well, hell, I groaned, talk about being in between rock and a hard place. Jasper is the good looking creepy stalker guy who I'd been trying to ditch all semester. I mean he is _uber_ good looking but all he does is stare at me _all _day (and night) long and he is _always_ around. Seriously, I have caught him hanging outside the communal girls' shower on my floor, waiting for me to come out with a towel. I now have to bring Bella and a heavy duty bathrobe every night. He is constantly asking me out and I am constantly turning him down. He keeps saying we're meant to be. Yeah, psycho.

True, he's never hurt me, but he once spent 2 hours at the library staring at me one table over as I studied. I swear he didn't blink once. He didn't study, or read, or listen to music, or talk on a cell phone. He just stared at me, looking like he was in pain. Creepy.

"Alice, you got to open the door and let me in," urged Jasper.

My immediate reaction was: _Like_ _hell, you perv! _ But the sound of my window shattering made me do a quick about face, run to the door, and fling it open. Better to face the enemy I know and all that jazz.

I sailed through the threshold and into my stalker's arms. _Note to self to examine when not in an extreme life or death situation: Jasper is seriously buff and he smells damn delicious…_

Jasper shoved me behind him and turned to face my intruder. This close up I got an eyeful of a really tight butt encased in some very sexy black leather pants. Jasper normally dressed like a Seattle grunge reject. Yet another reason why we'd never work--even if I could get over his whole Norman Bates vibe.

Something came swooping down through my window. It (yes, it was an it) was some type of monster. I know I sound crazy but it had a bald green head covered with pock marks, yellow slits for eyes, and a mouth full of sharp teeth. Sort of a day glow colored mole person from the all time movie classic_ Revenge of the Mole People_.

Jasper ran in and actually approached the monster who hovered almost a foot over my stalker's own 6 foot plus frame. They were both absolute giants compared to me and Bella, and they dwarfed everything in our room.

Jasper grabbed the snot colored humanoid thing by its upper arms/ tentacles and the two grappled back and forth. Jasper did some sort of karate thing and looped his foot around the thing's legs and pulled back, tripping it and causing it to fall.

They landed on my bed with Jasper on top and the thing touching my Egyptian cotton sheets (_not_e: burn_) _ Jasper actually crawled up the thing's body, pulled himself into a sitting position, and then started wailing on the thing with a really mean one-two punch. Right, left, right. Jasper's fists were graceful weapons that must have hit their mark, judging by the thumps I heard of skin hitting hit. The monster was groaning and grunting something fierce. Unfortunately, my view of the action was blocked by Jasper's broad back, but it sounded awful in a great, the bad-guy-is-getting-his-ass-kicked, kind of way.

I started cheering and clapping. Bravo, my hero, punch him where it hurts, etc. Jasper, I guess, was distracted by my cheerleading thing. He stopped the punching for a second and turned his head back towards me. This gave the thing a chance to lift one huge, taloned tentacle over my Jasper's head. I was so frightened I tried to scream out a warning, but before a single nano note had left my throat, Jasper threw up his fist and hit the thing in the gut. Without turning his gorgeous green eyes away from me. Wow.

The thing shrieked like a high pitched girl in pain. I thought I might have heard the thing say some like "Jeez, man."

But I couldn't really tell because I was suddenly mesmerized by Jasper's gaze. I couldn't tear my eyes away from this virile, gorgeous superman who'd just saved my life from a real monster. Ok, my brain wasn't processing the monster part; I was going to have to figure out how to rationalize that later. It was too preoccupied figuring out that I was the damsel in distress who had just been rescued by a sexy, ass kicking prince. Who was breathing hard and had his hair disheveled, one curly gold lock falling over his left eye as he continued to gaze at me. The gaze that had truly creeped me out just yesterday (when he'd followed me into my Art History lecture, a class he wasn't even a student in) was suddenly hot. As was the grey t-shirt stretched tightly over a very muscular chest. _Was that from Armani's spring collection?_ Amazing what had been hiding under that trench coat he always wore.

Ohmygod. OHMYGOD. I want Jasper Hale. I WANT JASPER HALE.

I heard a thud and another girly shout. Then I heard more glass break and figured Mr. Monster had made his escape. Without glancing down, I let go of the lighter and the hairspray can.

Strangely, I no longer cared about the monster or about the creepy stalking stuff or about the fact that the monster had been wearing a Sigma Kai frat shirt.

I was horny. So horny I actually hurt between my legs. I wanted to be filled so badly by Jasper. I needed Jasper. Now.

Jasper, without, taking his eyes off of me had slowly risen to a standing position. He stood before me.

I couldn't help myself. I ran and threw myself at him. Thankfully he caught me in his muscular embrace and lifted me up so that we were eye level, our bodies crushed together. I examined him, now that I was closer to him than I'd ever been before, and I noticed gold flecks in his green irises before I attacked his mouth with my own. I wrapped my legs around his middle and brought the core of my body up against his mid section.

Jasper thankfully opened his mouth and allowed me to plunder it with my tongue. He tasted un-fucking believable. Like the best dark chocolate you have ever tasted or the first sip of an icy cold brewsky. I could not get enough of his taste. My tongue found and started dueling with his tongue. I couldn't believe how aggressive and domineering I was being, but I just couldn't help myself. I had to have Jasper. Immediately. Or I was going to impede from want.

Thankfully my darling got the message and moved his hands to cup my ass. I moaned and tried to grind myself against him, hoping the friction would alleviate this ache.

Jasper tried to separate our mouths. I think he may have wanted to say something. But I was going to have none of that. Nothing ruins the fantasy of a sexy, mysterious guy like the inane words that come out of the mouth of the average college guy. I grabbed his ears and pulled his mouth back on mine.

Jasper carried me over to my bed. He laid me gently on the bed, our mouths not parting. Each of us was on our sides. The only coherent thought that flashed through my head was _Damn, I haven't burned theses sheets yet._ But then Jasper started squeezing my ass with one hand while the other lifted my shirt and found interest in my breasts. I felt torn in two directions as I felt the incredible sensation of being massaged and molded in two of my intimate areas. But I wanted more.

Finally, breaking away from Jasper for a second, I barked out "strip" to Jasper as I stood up, grabbed my pajama bottoms and underwear, and pulled them down in one swoop. I then pulled my t-shirt over my head and glanced up to see that Jasper had been a good boy and followed my directions. He was a god naked and I wanted to explore every inch of his body in detail. Later. Thank goodness I wasn't wearing a bra so now we were both naked and we could get down to business.

I jumped Jasper again, pushing him back onto the bed and then straddling him. His hands went straight to my breasts, again kneading them and pinching the nipples. I almost screamed at the sensations he was creating, but it just wasn't enough.

I reached down and grabbed his cock, a definite handful, and positioned it at my entrance. I actually had to hike myself up to almost a crouching position to get over the entire thing. I knew it was much longer than I was used to, but I didn't care. I lowered myself on and finally felt the welcome pressure of my pussy lips opening and velvet steel forcing its way into me.

I welcomed the tight fullness as the incessant emptiness in me started to be soothed. I was so needy that my body was literally weeping and there was very little friction because my natural juices provided lubrication. I screamed in enjoyment as I went down, down over my favorite new toy. Finally, when I had fully sheathed Jasper's cock and felt like I had penis coming out of my throat, I looked up at Jasper and met his eyes. The smoldering look he was sending me sent me over the edge and I felt my insides start to clench as I began to orgasm. I twitched around his cock, jerking as the sensations washed over me, wave after wave. So intense, it was almost painful.

Suddenly, Jasper flipped me over and started to pound into me. He seemed to be enjoying the sex too, the veins in his neck were literally popping out as if it was hard to restrain himself and he had a look of triumph across his face.

Hard and strong and fast he pushed into my body over and over again. My boobs were bouncing all over the place so I reached up to grab them. Jasper leaned down and grabbed a nipple between his teeth and I lost it. It was too much.

Too much fullness.

Too much pleasure.

Too much sensation.

I started screaming my head off. And then I felt the flick of a tongue against my nipple, still clenched between teeth, and the world went black.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up with a smile on my face. I could feel it stretching the corners of my mouth even before I was fully awake and my eyes opened. My cheeks were achy from being extended to accommodate my big grin but I didn't care. I felt awesome.

Waking up smiling was not out of the norm for me. I am a fairly happy, go lucky kind of gal. Most days, I just couldn't wait to get up and face the world. What was abnormal, though, was waking up next to someone else.

I could feel Jasper's body next to me and I thought about what had occurred last night. I looked over at the window and gasped. The glass was back in place, as if it had never been broken at all. The shards that had littered Bella's half of the room were all gone. I sat up, in amazement. Morning sunlight streamed through the glass pane and I could see dust mites lazily circling and dancing in the sunbeams.

_Wow, that is really surreal._

I thought back to what I ate and drank last night. Bella had brought in take out for dinner before leaving to spend the night at James' apartment. I couldn't imagine that she'd slip a roofie into anything. And all I'd drunk last night was water from water bottles I'd opened myself.

Was there some way that Jasper could have sprayed me with a drug or something? Was I hypnotized? Because, aside from the whole hallucinating-a-monster-crashing-threw-my-window thing, I never would have in a thousand years thrown myself at stalker boy the way I did last night. I'd just spent the last six months trying to get rid of stalker boy. In fact, Bella and I had decided to file a formal complaint against him today at the campus police station. We had an appointment at three this afternoon.

I turned to look at Jasper lying down in bed. I pulled the covers back gently, so as not to wake him, and it was my turn to stare.

Who knew stalker boy was this fine? He was cut, every muscle in his arms and legs defined. He actually had a real six pack most of the frat guys and all of the gay guys I know would totally envy. He had a light dusting of blond hair across his chest and a denser patch of hair, the treasure trail that led down to his…

Ok, I wasn't ready to look down there yet. As much as my body _loved_ what we did last night, my mind wasn't that happy. I had only had sex with two other guys, and I had been in long term committed relationships at the time. What was it about Jasper that made me throw caution to the wind?

_Oh, God. We didn't use a rubber last. I am up on my pills but I could have caught something from this skank. I wonder if I can set up an appointment and get tested today. Hospital or doctor's office? I could go down the street to the university's health clinic but I swear the doctors in there must be constantly smoking out for all the sense that they make._

I heard Jasper groan and I looked up at him. I mean really looked up at him, looking at his face and not just ogling his fine body. I realized that sometime during my internal musings, my hands, on their own accord, had crept up on their own and had started tracing the muscles on Jasper's chest.

"Oh, sorry," I said as I yanked back my hands, admonishing them for their independent behavior. Jasper was grinning and staring at the ceiling. He didn't blink or twitch from the break in contact.

"Jasper, we need to talk," I declared as I got out of bed and pulled on my PJ's from their pile on the floor.

"What happened last night?" I asked. I waited for an answer and, when I received none, I turned back around. "No, seriously, my memory is whack."

Jasper did not respond and Jasper did not move. I walked back to the bed and realized that a puddle of drool had accumulated on Jasper's pillow. It looked like he'd been grinning for a while this morning, and some saliva had slipped down his cheek. Yuck!

His eyes were open, but vacant. _Maybe he slept with his eyes open. Eww! I need coffee before I deal with how weird Jasper Hale is…_

I sighed and reached over to shake Jasper awake. Gently at first, and then harder as I realized that Jasper was not responding.

Oh, God, please don't let him be dead. I placed my hand underneath his nose and felt his warm breath. Thank you Lord.

I reached for my cell phone to call 911. I needed to get Jasper some medical attention ASAP.

Before I could dial, I heard a banging on the front door. "Alice, don't call an ambulance!" the masculine voice shouted. "I can help!"

I clutched the phone to my chest. _Really, how many unexpected visitors pounding on doors or windows is a girl supposed to go through in a day?_

"Who are you?" I called out. "I need to get Jasper help. He's in a coma or something."

"He's just having a type of seizure," the voice replied. "I'm his roommate Edward and I have his… seizure medicine with me."

I ran over to the door and threw it open. A disheveled guy ran by me and straight to my bed.

"Shit, Jasper," Edward said as he stared down, running one hand through his bronzed locks, making them practically stand up straight. Jeez, when was the last time this guy washed his hair?

"You just couldn't resist could you?" Edward told Jasper.

"Where's his medicine?" I demanded.

"Relax, sprite," Edward responded, sending me crooked smile. "I'm a medical student and my dad's a doctor. Jasper won't respond to medicine right now. He's… in too deep."

"What? Did he O.D. or something?" Great, I slept with a junkie. Definitely need my blood work done _pronto_.

Edward burst out laughing. "Something like that… Not your typical street drugs or anything. He's just been on this starvation diet and then got a huge dose of… sugar last night. His body is a little comatose right now so that he can concentrate all his energy on absorbing the sugar."

"That sounds really serious. He's in a coma? We need to get him to a hospital."

"No!" Edward cried out. "The last place he needs to be is in a hospital."

I ignored the idiot and reached for the phone, which the jerk rudely snatched out of my hand.

"Listen, Alice, Jasper hates hospitals," Edward said quickly. "My dad, Dr. Carlisle Cullen, is his attending physician and he has given me very strict instructions on how to care for Jasper. I have had to deal with him like this before."

At my snort, he added. "I swear I am telling the truth."

"Give me the phone and let me call this Dr. C guy."

"Dr. Cullen," he corrected me as he handed over the phone and rattled off a telephone number.

I dialed and a cherry male voice answered, "Carlisle speaking."

"Dr. Cullen, this is Alice Brandon speaking. I have a Jasper Hale lying comatose on my bed and I was instructed by your son to call you."

"Thank you for calling me Alice. Jasper has mentioned you before and I am so happy that you and he are friends now."

My mouth dropped at this piece of information and I heard Edward chuckle in the background.

"I need you to listen to Edward on how to treat Jasper. He has a very rare condition and it is imperative that he is in a relaxing environment while he recuperates. He cannot deal with any type of stress right now. In fact, try to remain calm around him. We do not want to do anything to upset him. That could be extremely detrimental to his health."

_Sure, I am the poster girl for serenity. _

"Dr. Cullen, he's right now in my very tiny dorm room," I cringed as I said this; I was so mortified at what I was admitting. "I think he'd be more comfortable if Edward took him some place else."

Just then Jasper started struggling and shaking, looking like he really was seizing. His face started turning red and I heard a low moan.

"Chill, Jasper," Edward said soothingly. "You're not going anywhere." As if he could hear and understand Edward, Jasper calmed down and slipped back into his comatose state.

"Alice," called Carlisle. I was too stunned to speak. "Alice. ALICE. "

Edward reached over and grabbed the phone from my grasp.

"Carlisle," he said. "I'll take care of everything. I'll call back with an update if anything changes. How long do you anticipate it will take Jasper to wake up?"

Edward looked at me strangely as he heard Carlisle's response.

"Yes, I do believe that Jasper and Alice got… acquainted last night," Edward stuttered into the phone.

_Shoot me now, please._

Edward listened to the other end of the line for a while and pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly not thrilled about the answers he was receiving. He sighed dramatically and then handed the phone back to me.

"Yes," I said hesitantly into the phone.

"Alice, we cannot move Jasper. I anticipate that it will take at least 48 hours for him to recuperate. Now I have some requests to make and I know, as close friend of Jasper's, that you will be happy to help."

I sat down, hard, on the edge of the bed.

"First, Jasper cannot be moved. Second, he needs familiar people around him in order to keep a connection with reality"

"Great!" I interrupted. "Edward can stay with him and I'll go hang out…"

Even before I could finish the sentence, Jasper began thrashing again. But this time his movements were much more violent than his earlier episode.

"Jasper," shouted Edward. "I'll tie her up if I need to, buddy. She's not going anywhere." Jasper's movements immediately ceased and he once again was the happy go lucky putz staring at the ceiling with a huge grin on his face.

"Alice," said Dr. Cullen soothingly. "Jasper feels a deep connection to you and, even when his conscious brain is off, he wants to be around you. You cannot leave. Please do this for Jasper."

"Dr. Cullen, this is a lot to ask. I have a life and school work and…"

"Alice, I will be in tomorrow morning to check on the patient. Hopefully, by then he'll be well enough to be moved. I'll call the college office and make sure you are excused from class. Is one night really so much to ask to help a friend?"

_Was Jasper a friend? Certainly he'd been my fuck buddy last night but I didn't feel any affection for him, right? Well, to be honest, I felt a lot of affection still for his body. But I really didn't know Jasper as anything but a creepy stalker turned possible rescuer, if my delusions could be believed. If not, then he was just a creepy stalker._

"Alice?" asked Dr. Cullen.

"Alice?" asked Edward.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper's body tense up in anticipation of my answer.

"I'll do it," I said softly.

Edward shot a huge smile at me. _He wasn't half bad looking when he didn't look like his best friend had just died. _

"Thank you so much Alice," responded Dr. Cullen. "Now be sure to listen to Edward in regards to how to treat Jasper. I'll see you tomorrow." He hung up.

"I guess it is just the three of us then," said Edward, still grinning.

I closed my eyes in disbelief and slid off my bed onto the floor.

_I can't believe that Jasper is still stalking me, even in a coma._

_I can't believe an unconscious guy manipulated me like that._

_Sucker._


	3. Chapter 3

So here I was, pretending to sit at my desk and play Spider Solitaire on my laptop while trapped inside a small dorm room with two strange men.

I'd already begged for, and received, a brief bathroom break. But that was only after Jerkward forced me to take an oath out loud, with my right hand over my heart, to come immediately back once I was done with my human functions.

Not how I was planning on spending my Thursday. Especially when I refused to even glance at the one person I desperately wanted to touch and look at. My hands felt itchy with the need to touch stalker boy so I was trying to keep them busy.

_I am not going to molest Jasper while he's unconscious. I am not going to molest Jasper while he's unconscious. _

I slid a card over and stared at the confetti and bouncing cards on the screen. Yeah, I just won my game. I had been winning all morning. Probably because I was planning at the EASY level but so what. I was bored. I am really not used to being cooped up in a small room and I was starting to feel claustrophobic, on top of… itchy.

And Edward was driving me nuts. He was lying down on Bella's bed flipping through the channels of our TV. He flicked them so quickly, I was sure that he wasn't actually registering what he was seeing. He was just doing it to annoy me.

"Sprite, calm down," he commanded. "Stop bouncing."

"I'm bored," I whined as I turned my swivel chair to look at him. I didn't mention the fact that I was also horny as hell. I have _some _boundaries. But part of the reason I was bouncing was to get some relief.

"Alice, it has only been 45 minutes. How are you going to get through the next 23 hours and 15 minutes?"

I turned around and started thumping my head against the desk. I heard Edward laughing. I tried thumping out an SOS — maybe my nosy RA would hear the noise and cause some drama — but I stopped after the O because my head was hurting.

I decided to figure out the new person in my life instead.

"Tell me about yourself, Edward," I commanded. "Distract me."

"Not much to tell, Sprite," he replied with the half smirk I was getting used to. "Jasper and I grew up in a small town outside of Seattle. I am the only child of a successful surgeon and architect. And I am just about down with med school and will start my residency at Seattle Grace in the fall."

"Are you dating anyone?" The words came out of my mouth before I really thought about them.

Edward, who was a really pale guy, looked pained and possibly even paler. He really could stand to get closer to the window and get a bit of a tan. But I'd noticed that he seemed to be avoiding the window like crazy — maybe he was afraid of heights or something. He and Bella would have that in common.

"Uh, I seem not to be… compatible with most girls," he said with a grimace.

"Gay?"

"NO! Why does everyone keep asking that? I just haven't ever, ever found anyone I could be with…."

"Been looking?"

"You have no idea how much I have tried to find my soul mate. I just can't stand being around most girls. I've pretty much decided that I am destined to be alone." Edward said morosely. He grabbed the pillow on Bella's bed and propped it underneath his head. He took a deep breath and his eyes widened. I sure hope Bella had washed her sheets recently. Nothing worse than a cute boy catching you with B.O.

"What's wrong with most girls?" I asked indignantly on behalf of my gender.

"I want to rip the head off of most girls and drink their blood within five minutes of meeting them," he said with a straight face.

I burst out laughing. "That sounds super romantic, Eddie, sure you're not gay?"

"Alice!"

"What kind of girls have you been hanging around? Sorority girls, I could totally understand your urges. I've wanted to rip a couple of their air heads off their shoulders myself. But don't you think you need to date a bit, check out all the different kinds of fish out there? We aren't all that bad."

"Man, I can't wait until you meet Jasper's sister Rosalie. She's just gonna love you."

I actually felt a little light headed at this news. "Please don't tell me that Rosalie Hale is stalker guy's sister."

"Alright I won't tell you."

"Ms. Godzilla, queen bitch of the Gamma Gamma's?"

"Definitely a sorority girl. I'm sure she's going to love her new title."

"Yet another reason to get away from stalker boy here."

Edward burst out laughing again. "Somehow I don't think you quite mean that."

"What do you know, you girl hater," I replied with a snarl. He just smirked back at me. "What, you can read my mind or something?"

For a second, Edward seemed uncomfortable and his smirk drooped, but then he recovered and shot me a full, dazzling smile. "Alice, it's written all over your face every time you check out poor, defenseless Jasper here. Or, rather, how often your eyes dart to Jasper and then away before you can see him."

"That's because I am a healthy _heterosexual_ female. Something you know little about. I admit that stalker boy is fun to look at but he's missing some screws. I'd react this way around any naked good-looking boy."

"Uh-huh," replied Edward. He had brought up Bella's pillow over his face and I swore I heard a snuffling sound.

"Are you sniffing Bella's pillow? That is really gross. God, do they just teach you how to be weirdo stalkers in Seattle or what?"

Edward dropped the pillow, embarrassed. He grabbed the remote control and started flipping through the channels again.

Christ, now what was I going to do to pass the time AND prove to Stalker Boy #2 that I was not interested in Stalker Boy #1? I ended up in this situation in the first place because I obviously needed to get laid and Jasper was just… handy.

I studied Stalker Boy #2. He actually was wearing some designer duds. I recognized the shirt from James Perse's spring collection. His big feet were clad in some really expensive and exclusive Italian loafers and his wrist was encircled by a TAG watch. Edward shifted under my gaze. Funny, Stalker Boy #2 and I were probably more compatible looks wise then Stalker Boy #1 and I were. Edward was a couple of inches shorter than Jasper, closer to my five foot two inches, and had a slighter frame. He and I both wore our hairy spiky, as was currently fashionable.

We'd make a great looking couple: he'd be like the ultimate accessory. We'd have great looking dark haired children. I wouldn't have to worry about having a dish water blond kid that didn't look a thing like me. Who'd have soulful brown eyes, surrounded by the longest eye and the plumpest, most kissable lips…

_Ok, Alice, slam the door on those thoughts, throw away the key in a large nuclear waste dump, buried deep under a mountain of radioactive material. We are so not going there._

Besides, I'd look so much hotter with Stalker Boy #2 than if I was overshadowed by a big blond doofus in corduroy and plaid. And Stalker Boy # 2 had _big_, well clad feet. I wonder if he'd be as… gifted as Jasper had been.

My gaze swept its way up to Edward's features and I noticed that he was a fairly good looking guy. They must grow them handsome in Seattle. Edward's hand holding the remote clenched and I noticed what long fingers he had.

Edward's father was a surgeon. I wonder if Edward was going to be one to. I imagine those long fingers would be _very _talented. Hmmmmmm…..

_No harm in a little fantasy to pass the time, right?_

I leaned back in my chair and imagined Edward coming up behind my chair and leaning down to kiss the side of my neck while his talented fingers went to work on my shoulders, giving me a slow, deep massage.

Edward had finally found a program on TV he liked and was turning up the volume really loud but I ignored it and concentrated on my fantasy.

In my head, Edward kisses turned into nibbles on my neck. His hands worked their way under the bottom of camisole and slowly, gently swept their way up to my breasts. I imagined his talented fingers rubbing and kneading the undersides of my breasts and I had to shift in my seat 'cause I felt a sudden jolt in my tummy area.

The fingers went up and encircled my nipples, squeezing gently at first and then adding more pressure, just the way I liked it.

_God, I hope I didn't moan out loud just then. _

One of Edward's hands started a slow decent to the waistband of my jeans and snapped the button open. Slowly he slid down the zipper.

Man, I was really getting turned on by this. I felt a puddle gathering between my legs. One night of good sex, Alice girl, and you're turning into a complete nympho.

I imagined turning my chair around and running my hands up Edward's hard chest, grabbing his head and pulling it down for a kiss.

Suddenly Jasper, who'd been very quiet for the last 45 minutes, started seizing up. His actions were really violent and so intense I thought he was going to fall off my bed.

Edward rushed to Jasper's bed and held him down. "Alice, you can't think about shit like that." He seemed really pissed off at me.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You can't have…fantasies about me and you… doing stuff. It'll upset Jasper!"

"What the fuck? First of all, how the FUCK do you know what I was fantasizing? Second, how the FUCK does Jasper know?"

"Yeah, I'd like to know the answer to that too. Along with why your loony toms stalker and this other asshole are in our room?" asked a familiar feminine voice from behind us.

I turned around and found my roommate staring at me in disbelief, an eyebrow arched. Bella did not look happy.

I can't imagine what she was thinking. It looked like Edward was on the bed humping a naked Jasper, who still wore a dopy grin with his eyes open while I watched in my slinky little pajamas. _Crap. Earth to Alice, most girls don't entertain their lover's roommate in a Victoria Secret's set, you need to remember to get dressed. _I was searching for exactly the right thing to say to Bella when I heard something that made my heart completely stop.

I heard a growl and turned to face Edward. He had a look of pure hunger on his face and he was staring holes right into my best friend, like he really did want to rip her head off and drink her blood.

Yeah, I've had better days.


	4. Chapter 4

I was frozen as I watched Edward change from the sweet, but morose, good looking boy into a snarling maniac who looked like he wanted to skin Bella alive and make a necklace with her vertebrae.

Edward began to inch forward towards Bella; when all of the sudden I felt a breeze hit my check and I thought I'd detected a blur of movement go through the room.

Edward roared at the incredibly tall hulk of a guy, who out of the blue, was standing in between him and Bella with a great big smile on his face.

When all of this drama was over, and after a suddenly dire trip to the bathroom, I was going to take down the sign outside my dorm room door that said Good Looking Tall Guys Please Come In. Why else was my room being invaded by the opposite sex so often these days?

"Dude," the great big hulk said to Edward. "I guess congrats are in order."

Edward hissed in response and tried to dart around the hulk. At least, that is what I thought he'd tried to do but honestly he and the hulk were moving so quickly that I couldn't keep track. It was like that an annoying flicker that was always just out of my line of sight. _ I finally understand what lightening fast means._

_Crack._

Suddenly, Bella's dresser splintered with a large crack and a hug hole appeared in the plaster right above it.

_Holy shit. Run. Get Bella and run._

I ran over to where Bella stood, gaping. I guess that whole mind reading discussion with Edward had prepped me for the Buffy the Vampire Slayer weirdness unfolding before my eyes. Poor Bella seemed to be frozen as she tried to process what was going on.

Suddenly the mirror above the sink shattered and that helped me move Bella towards the door. We were almost there when I glanced back at Jasper. I was actually worried that the smiling doofus would get hurt. I felt my feet slow down and I started struggling to put one foot in front of the other.

Bella turned and looked at me in confusion, questioning why I was stopping when World War III was erupting around us, threatening to consume us.

"Alice, move!" she commanded.

"Bella, I can't leave without Jasper," I gasped.

Bella gaped at me.

"Not to worry, little ladies," a deep voice called from behind us. We both turned to see the hulk holding Edward around the middle. Edward squirmed, punched, kicked ineffectively at the hulk but all his strikes seemed to just bounce off the hulk.

"Who is she?" the hulk asked, nodding his head towards Bella.

"Who am I? Who the heck are you? What is happening here?" cried Bella. Edward, who'd actually calmed down a great bit now that he was in the hulk's not so loving embrace, was shooting a death glare at Bella.

She, in turn, was blushing like crazy in response. The force of Edward's animosity towards Bella must have been playing tricks on my subconscious; because I swear his eyes were a deep black when earlier they'd been an amber type color. But he was squinting them, so I am sure it was just my mind playing tricks on me or a trick of the light. Or maybe he's just the devil come to wreck havoc on us all. This was all really un-fucking believable.

"He's Emmett McCartney," I answered Bella's question. Fucking un-believable.

"You know who I am?" asked the hulk with a huge grin, obviously proud to be recognized.

Bella shot me a questioning glance. I moved towards her and placed an arm around her waist. She was still really bright red and all that blood in her cheeks probably meant there was very little blood visiting her brain…

"Emmett McCartney is the great quarterback for our illustrious college football team. He'll probably be one of the top draft picks next season. Go Vikings," I informed Bella. "He's also president of Sigma Ka and dating the one and only Rosalie Hale."

"Ah, the queen bitch," Bella murmured softly to me, recognizing the name of the bane of my existence and archenemy.

The hulk burst out laughing. "That's awesome. I can't wait to tell Rosalie what you call her."

Bella groaned, obviously mortified that she'd been caught dissing the hulk's girlfriend.

"What is going on with Edward?" I asked the hulk.

"Edward," whispered Bella. She was staring at the now only delicately snarling freak with fascination.

"Uh…" the hulk replied, "I can't tell you." I shot him my own look of death. See, I told you Edward and I had a lot in common.

"What?" the hulk asked as innocently as he could while still holding another man prisoner in his arms. "I can't… it's just not my secret to tell."

"Well who's going to tell me?" I yelled. I pointed at Stalker Boy #1. "This boy is in a coma!" I pointed at Stalker Boy #2. "And this boy's foaming at the mouth."

"I think we could get Edward… coherent if we could get her out of here," the hulk said, shrugging his head in Bella's direction.

"Why?" I challenged. "This is her room and…"

"Alice," Bella interrupted.

I reared my around and turned my death gaze on her. She flinched. Normally I don't use "the look" on anyone but the seriously guilty, but right now I couldn't turn it off. Suck it.

"Alice," Bella repeated. "Obviously, your friends are having some emotional issues. I think it would be better if I left here and stopped being an audience to this and just respect their privacy. I'm just antagonizing the situation with my presence."

Bella headed towards the door.

"Don't you dare leave me," I shouted, pointing my finger at her and looking her straight in the eye. "Don't. You. Dare."

The Bitch actually ducked her head and said, "I'll be at Angela's" and then ran out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

"Well, how do you like dem apples?" the turd, formally known as the hulk in my mind, said with a chuckle.

"AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!"

The comatose body of Stalker #1 started to twitch at my wailing and I immediately shut up.

Yeah, I know. I know.

"So do you have anything to tie Eddie up with?" the turd asked.

"It's Edward," spit out Stalker #2, standing straight up within the turd's grasp. Thankfully the crazed look was gone from his face and he looked normal.

I went to the lingerie drawer of the dresser Bella and I shared and pulled out the goods.

"Industrial strength panty hose," I said, waiving the bundle silky under things are in the air.

Both guys gaped at me. Obviously they missed how strong these babies were, able to mold, lift, stretch and separate a woman's thighs on command.

"We're tying him up until I get some answers!" I demanded.

"Ok," the hulk said agreeably. He pulled Edward to my desk chair and sat him down.

Since he seemed to be the only person on my side, I was retiring "the turd" and reverting back to "the hulk" in my internal dialogue.

"Hey!" yelped Edward as he was smashed down on the wheelie chair.

"Dude," the hulk replied. Then he looked Edward in the eyes and his face must have conveyed a message I just didn't get because Edward sighed and hung his head in defeat.

One hand pinning Edward to the chair, Emmett beckoned for the panty hose.

I handed him the tangled bundle and walked over to my closet.

I swung it open and pulled out the outfit I'd previously designated for today. I think everyone should plan their outfits for the week. I also tried to plan Bella's outfits, but she sometimes had trouble taking helpful suggestions.

Clothing in hand, I turned back to the guys. Already, the hulk had tied one of the panty hoses around Edward's chest and arms. Edward head was down to his chest and he was swaying back in forth, struggling to get his face closer to the lingerie encircling his upper chest. I heard the huffling noise again.

"Ohmigod! Is he trying to sniff Bella's pantyhose?" I shouted. "Ewwww!!!"

"Those belong to that girl who was just here?" asked the hulk.

When I nodded, too disgusted to form words, he just about busted a gut laughing.

"Bella," Edward said with a dreamy look. God, had I just introduced Bella to her very own loony toons stalker guy?

Good, bitch deserved it! Traitor.

The hulk grabbed anther pair of pantyhose and pulled it over Edward's head, making him look like a bank robber with long, floppy bunny ears. Edward took a deep breath and smiled.

I could feel myself about to start screaming hysterically again. I needed to get out of there, if only for a bit.

"Hey, day glo green mole guy with the tentacles and big teeth," I shouted at the hulk. "When I get back from putting on my clothes, you're gonna tell me _exactly_ how you fixed my window!"

With that I marched out the door.

"Busted," someone said from behind. I couldn't tell if it was from the hulk or Edward but I kept on marching, slamming the door behind me with a satisfying thud.

Time to regroup.


	5. Chapter 5

I paused outside my dorm room door and looked down at my outfit. Nothing like a fresh set of clean, perfectly coordinated clothing to make a girl feel human. Pun intended.

Not to mention the walk around campus, the conversation with Bella in Angela's room about what was going on, and the two cokes I had drunk. Watch out world, Alice Brandon is caffeinated.

I took a deep breath, turned the knob and entered into the room.

Someone had done the voodoo thing again to the room. The broken furniture, smashed mirror, and holey wall were all fixed, just as good as new. In fact, I couldn't even tell anything had even happened at all.

Jasper was in the same idiot grinning position but he was now fully clothed. _Damn!_

Whoa, wait. I didn't just think that. Hormones, now you can finally chill. You no longer have a naked man to worry about.

I checked and, yep, Edward was still tied to the chair and he still had a pair of pantyhose on his head. And he was breathing really deeply. _Ewww!! _ He had a grin on his face to match the one on Jasper's. He looked like a deranged bank robber. He also had a kind of zoned out look, as if he was trying to give Jasper a run for his money on who was the most blissfully comatose.

_Hmmm…_

"Is Edward doing the same thing as Jasper?" I asked Emmett. Now that I was sane again I was retiring the hulk nickname thing. "Do we have two stalkers who have fallen into mysterious comas in my dorm room?

Edward actually winced in pain, possibly at being called a stalker. Or possibly for me interrupting his Bella smell high.

"No! Jasper is in a coma. That's like a medical condition," Emmett said. He then looked at Stalker #2 with a look of disgust. "Eddie here is just weird!"

"It's Edward," Edward stopped sniffing long enough to growl.

I couldn't help it; I started giggling and just couldn't stop.

"You see," said Emmett triumphantly. "I knew you'd have a sense of humor! Finally someone in the family I can laugh with at all the obligatory family gatherings. The Hales can be really dry."

The giggles stopped.

It was my turn to gape at Emmett questioningly. _Did he just insinuate that he and I are family?_

Say it with me now: What the fuck?

"Ah, hell," he muttered and he rubbed his face with both hands. "This is what happens when I only don't get my 10 hours of beauty sleep."

_Which reminded me…_

"Ok, so you won't dish on Edward or Jasper, because I quote," I did the annoying bunny ears thing with my fingers, "'it is not your story to tell.' But, please, tell why you crashed through the window."

"Sorry, that too falls under the sworn-to-secrecy thing," he said apologetically.

I stomped my foot in frustration. He was the TURD again. The nickname withdrawal, like the Paris Hilton's singing career, had been much hyped, but short lived.

"Well, what can you tell me? Was that a costume you had on last night? How did you guys fix up my room in the 76 minutes I was gone? How did you fix the window this morning?" I took a breath, fidgeting like mad, and then asked the question that had been bothering her the most, "Did Jasper freak while I was gone?"

"Whoa," the turd said, lifting his hands, palms out to slow me down. "Jeez, you're like Speedy Gonzalez or something."

He went and sat down on the edge of Bella's bed. I sat across from him on my own bed, accidentally sitting on one of Jasper's prone hands.

I jumped up as if my ass was on fire and quickly nudged the offending appendage away from my nether regions. I sat back down and tried not to fidget. A hit of caffeine and I squirm worse than a three year old after drinking a big gulp.

"Jasper was fine," said Emmett soothingly. "He knew you were coming back, although he did start trembling a little bit once the first hour passed but that stopped the second we heard you outside the door. Jeez, remind me to take a vacation to Aruba if you decide to go potty."

I squelched the sliver of guilt I felt for abandoning Jasper for so long. I'd needed to get out of the room or I would have literally imploded.

_I am a strong, independent woman who will not be manipulated by anyone, especially not a guy who only communicates with grunts, shakes, and moans. _

_Hmmm… well those sounds are great ways for a guy to communicate during sex. I'll make an exception if I was…. _

"Alice!" admonished Edward, shaking his head at me.. _Stupid thought nazi.._

_Alice, focus. _

"So answer the other questions," I turned my attention back to Emmett, unleashing the power of my pretty pout. Every girl should have a pout in her arsenal that makes her look attractive but conveys her disappointment. Guys were very visual creatures after all.

"Ok," Emmett calmly, said after letting out a deep breath, "I'm a Matithe demon."

"Uh-huh."

"I'm mated to Jasper's sister, Rosalie," he continued. "I can do all sorts of cool stuff, like crawl up buildings, lift fire engines with one finger, and make love to my woman all night long."

"Uh-huh. But ewwwwww. TMI."

"I am dual natured. I can take both my demon form that you saw last night or this incredibly handsome and hunky form that the ladies love."

"Uh-huh."

"I'm over 300 years old, but have been mated to Rosalie for the last 15 years."

"Uh-huh."

"I'm majoring in business as a cover so I can pursue my true passion: football. My five year plan is to become a professional player for the 49ers and lead those dogs to the Super Bowl. At which point I'd retire and become an anchor for SportsCenter on ESPN."

"Uh-huh."

"My hundred year goal is to have some munchkins and settle down somewhere and raise family, possibly in the Napa Valley area."

"Yeah."

"Alice, I can keep going. I mean, I am talking about my favorite subject here."

"Emmett, I'm just waiting for the words 'You've been punked' to come out of your mouth and for some guys to jump out of Bella's closet with video cameras. Stop ripping off old reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

"You don't believe me?"

"Puh-leeze. Do I look like a sucker? You're Rosalie Hale's boyfriend. First, she's known for her cruelty. Second, you're known for being a pranskter. Savion Hall is still trying to find all of the endangered salamanders you and and your buds let loose. Third, she may still be a bit teed off at me for the Halloween thing."

"You think?" the turd asked, wagging his eyebrows at me. "You put her on the worst dressed list on your blog."

"She has worn the same campy vampire costume for the last three years."

"Maybe it is not a costume," he said, wagging his eyebrows at me.

"Ha! We all know she is a bloodsucking, soulless creature so it wasn't really a costume. Any self respecting vampire would rather be caught on a sunny beach in Hawaii without sunscreen than wear that pleather nightmare." I was so hyped up, I was waiving my fist at him.

"Yeah, my baby is one classy woman," said the delusional turd. _And I'd had such high hopes that Emmett would be the sane one in this zany bunch._

"Whatever." I got up and yanked the door open to Bella's closet. No man crouching down with a video camera on his shoulder. I looked up at the ceiling and wondered if the camera was in the light fixture. Given my activities last night, I was really eager about recovering the video before anyone actually saw it.

"Where is it?" I demanded. The turd was standing up, looking around trying to figure out what I wanted. I had to crane my head all the way back to look up at him,

"Where is what?" the turd asked confused. He was very cute when he did the confused thing, like a big cuddly teddy bear.

"The cameras."

A ripping sound erupted. Emmett's muscles seemed to bulge under his clothing, expanding rapidly. In fact, his whole body was increasing in size and causing the material to separate at the seams. Holy shit, he really was the Incredible Hulk!

Emmett's forehead grew longer and his hair receded until it completely disappeared. His skin became a day glo green color and his teeth grew into shark-like spears. His arms and hands turned into large tentacles. My monster from the night before.

"Shit," I said faintly and I thunked down onto my bed, landing once again on Jasper. I just sat there on his arm, too stunned to really care about the contact.

The now monster turd walked toward the door and pulled it open with a tentacle. In the doorway, with his hand raised in a fist, obviously about to knock on the door, stood a handsome blond guy in his late 20s or early 30s. He had a stethoscope around his neck and carried a black medical bag.

"Emmett, what is going on here?" the man asked as he entered, apparently unimpessed by a looming day glo monster. "Why in the world is Edward not answering his phone? I had to cancel a surgery this afternoon because I was worried."

The man settled his bag on the floor and looked around the room, his eyes settling on Edward's still tied up bunny rabbit robber form.

"And why does my son have a nylon stocking on his head?"

_Dr. Cullen, I presume._

"Carlisle," Edward said calmly. He lifted up off the chair and the panty hose that had been tied around him easily fell apart. He pulled the panty hose off his head and stuffed it into his pocket.

Instantaneously, he went from deranged-tied-up-bunny-loving-bank-robber to a respectable member of the community. _Oh, I've been played_. I shot a virulent look at Emmett, the monster turd, who I thought I could trust and he just shrugged.

"I have found my mate," Edward continued to his father.

Carlisle's face lit up and he went over to give Edward a big hug, "That is wonderful news! I have always hoped that it would happen for you. Can I meet this…" he hesitated, appearing to search for the right word, "person?"

"It's a girl, Carlisle," Edward said, clearly exasperated with his father. "Bella is Alice's roommate, but I acted badly towards her. If not for Emmett stopping me, I would have converted her immediately. I was tied up to reassure the humans that I was not dangerous."

"Don't be too hard on yourself, son," Carlisle said with a big grin. "I remember when I first found your mother. I tore down a wall to get to her boudoir. She was so beautiful in her chemise and I…"

"Carlisle, please," begged Edward from beneath his arms, where he'd hidden his head.

_Awwww! Stalker #2 is embarrassed by his daddy._

"Alright, I won't talk about how I was mated to your mother in front of your friends," Carlisle said with a chuckle. He gave me a rakish wink. Edward groaned.

I think I'd appreciate the humor more if I knew what mated meant.

And Carlisle was someone who could tear down walls. And Edward said "reassure the humans" as if he isn't a human. I know Emmett isn't. What are Edward and Carlisle? Same as Emmett?

What in the world does mated mean?

'Cause Edward said he was mated to Bella.

Married?

Living together?

Turning day glo green and jumping through windows?

"Listen," I said,. "I want some answers! What is going on here? Why have monsters invaded my little corner of the world?"

"You deserve these answers," said Carlisle looking deeply into my eyes. "I bet you are hungry and feeling a bit claustrophobic trapped here in this small room with all of us guys."

In response, my stomach growled. _How embarrassing! _I mean, I'd just had breakfast when I sneaked out earlier, but with my fast metabolism I constantly needed nourishment.

"How about I get Emmett and Edward to buy you lunch? It'll give them a chance to explain things and I'll get a chance to examine my patient here," Carlisle said, indicating Jasper.

"Will they actually tell me what is going on?" I asked suspiciously.

"Yes," Carlisle said simply and then he gave a pointed look at both Edward and Emmett.

"Hey, I'm the one who told her who I was," protested Emmett. "Look, I'm even in demon mode to show her I'm telling the truth. Without my little demonstration, she'd be ready to send us all to the psych ward."

"Speaking of your alter ego," said Edward, "you may want to morph back.

Just like that, the process I watched unfold before me just a short while ago reversed and Emmett became human again. It was like watching a movie rewind. And the most freaky / amazing thing was that all of his clothes repaired themselves. No more rips, tears, or anything. That had definitely not happened in any Incredible Hulk movie I'd seen before.

Edward strolled to the door and held it open, motioning with a hand for me to leave. "You coming?" he asked, a challenge evident in his voice.

Well, I was _never_ one to back away from a challenge, so I lifted my head high, got off of Jasper's arm, and did my own stroll out the door.

).


	6. Chapter 6

When we left my dorm it was overcast and drizzling. Emmett magically produced umbrellas out of thin air for me and Edward, who quickly snapped it open and hovered under it. Emmett walked away without an umbrella and I chose to use my mine as a walking stick. I luxuriated in the drizzle, skipping around like crazy. _Maybe Edward is the like the Wicked Witch of the West and will melt if a drop touches him._

I giggled at the image of Edward screaming, "I'm melting, I'm melting," as he liquidated into a glob of goo. Edward just sent a snarl at me in response.

"Why are you under an umbrella?" I asked.

"Because it is pretty obvious that I am other than human in the sunlight," Edward said with a smirk. "Maybe one day, if you're really good, I'll show you."

"What are you?"

"Nope," Emmett interrupted "No more questions until we get something to eat! Now march!"

The march across campus was really fun. I leapt and twirled as we walked through the ivory covered courtyards on our way to the student union, the caffeine buzzing through my system. Emmett actually lifted me up so I could leap over big puddles of water. And once he spun me around and around. When he put me down, I was so dizzy I would have run straight into a tree if Edward hadn't intercepted me.

It was awesome having two handsome men escort me across campus. No one ran into me! That is a real problem for someone who is as slight and small as a I am. With my two bodyguards, people literally cleared a path for us, staring at us in wonder and me in envy, wondering how I ended up with two such gorgeous guys.

Whenever we came to any steps, Emmett would precede us to clear our path, and Edward would offer his arm so that he could escort me up or down the impediment. I felt so pampered. Queen of England, eat your heart out.

I giggled as I saw a friend from one of my classes actually do a double take when he saw who I was with. I waived and Edward dragged me off before he and I could get say more than hello. Edward actually growled at the guy and Emmett told him to "shove off". _Ok, maybe they're a little too protective._

We entered the crowded Student Union and I expected that we would visit one of its many fast-food restaurants. However, Emmett made a beeline to the one sit down restaurant that the SU offered; a café that specialized in sandwiches in soups and boasted an outdoor seating area.

We entered the restaurant, Emmett still preceding us, and Edward guiding me along, with his hand at the small of his back.

"Emmett!" everyone in the cafe screamed at once. _Ok, so I guess he is a regular here._

As we made our way through the restaurant, people reached up to high five Emmett or shake his hand. He was definitely a minor celebrity and, by the way he was so familiar with the wait staff, he must come eat here a lot. Note to self: Mattithe demons like soup and sandwiches. Hopefully they do not like freshmen coeds.

As we made our way through the restaurant to the outdoor patio, I got more looks of envy and curiosity and I was positively preening. Being with these two guys was really helping my social standing on campus. And boy did I love the attention.

We sat down at a table in the corner of the outdoor café, next to a couple who was smoking. Edward got up and did some sort of eye contact thing with each of them and they immediately got up and left. Note to self: take Edward shopping on Black Friday this year. I wouldn't have to wait in any lines and I'd have someone who could hold all my bags. _See, this is why Edward and I are the perfect match. _

"Absolutely not," Edward said snootily, obviously not liking my train of thought. He picked up a spoon and started lightly tapping it against a glass of water. "I do not shop." He didn't mention the perfect match thing but he looked uncomfortable.

I decided to test the water again. "Bella will be there…"

"Really? That's interesting," Edward said casually. He tapped the spoon against the water harder and it suddenly flew out of his hand and it imbedded itself in the wall next to Emmett's head.

Emmett burst out laughing. "You are so whipped, boy."

"Shut up," growled Edward. "Or I'll invite Rosalie along to shop and then guess who'll be there too?"

Silence. Was that crickets I heard chirping? Emmett looked absolutely expressionless.

"Rosalie shops?" I asked. It was important to collect information on my archenemy. "Where does she normally shop? Where did she get those cute Kate Spade shoes?"

Emmett started waiving like a madman at our waiter, who came to our table, practically plowing into a couple of other patrons on his way over.

"Emmett, it's great to see you, man," the waiter said with a big smile. "Will it be your usual today?"

"Yep, and my buddy over here will have the same," Emmett said, jerking a thumb in Edward's direction. "Please grab us two brewksies while y'er at it."

"What can I get you, miss?" the waiter asked me.

"I'll get the cheese burger with extra bacon and fries, and an extra order of onion rings. Please bring ketchup, yellow mustard, mayonnaise, and barbeque sauce on the side. I'd like to get the meat medium. To drink I'd like a glass of club soda with two wedges of lime. Thanks!"

The waiter was looking at me, aghast. Emmett was looking at me with a huge smile on his face and Edward was looking at the table.

"I have a fast metabolism and low blood sugar," I explained. "I constantly have to eat."

"You just became my favorite relative," Emmett said fervently. He picked up his hand for a high five over the table and I had to stand up to deliver it.

The waiter walked away, and I turned to both men.

"Alright, spill."

Emmett and Edward had a staring contest and finally Emmett nodded.

"Guys, let's have all our convos out loud, shall we?" I asked, peeved that they were doing the whole mind reading thing.

Both guys nodded this time.

"Emmett, did you scare the bejesus out of me and break through my window so that Jasper could play the big hero?" I asked. "Thereby manipulating me into bed."

"Yes," Emmett said, hanging his head. "He knew you were going to get a restraining order on him, so we were all pretty desperate."

"Did you help too?' I asked Edward.

"Yeah," he admitted. "I kept your RA entertained and made sure none of your neighbors called the police."

"The magically repairing dorm room?"

"Part of my magic," admitted Emmett. "When I morph back from demon to human any damage I have caused is repaired."

"The umbrellas you just produced out of thin air?"

"A magic trick, They were in my hall closet and I have the power to call them forth."

"You seem to think I am Jasper's mate, why?"

"It is given to our kind to know when we've found our mate," said Edward solemnly. "Many of us go decades, if not centuries without finding our mate."

"What are you?" I whispered.

"Well, let's start with Jasper," said Edward, running a hand through his hair and causing it to stand straight up. "Jasper is an incubus, which is a type of being that survives by absorbing the life-force of others."

"Almost like a vampire like Eddie here," interrupted Emmett. "Except instead of needing to drink blood, incubi drink up people's emotions."

I froze. I started inching away from Edward and tried to plot the fastest exit to the door, while trying not to hyperventilate. _Perhaps I could use my fork to stab the evil vampire. _Wait, was the fork silver? Was it vampires or werewolves that couldn't stand silver? Darn my love of a good comedy romance, I should have spent more time watching horror movies!

I grabbed two bread sticks and placed one on top of the other, making a cross, and shoved them at Edward as I slowly got up out of my chair.

"Dammit, sprite, I am not going to eat you!" yelled Edward. The entire restaurant went silent.

"Alice," whispered Emmett. "I promise nothing is going to happen."

_Ha! _There was no way I was going to sit at the same table having lunch with someone who wanted to have _me_ for lunch. Now I just had to figure out how to grab my purse with my hands full of breadsticks.

Edward reached over and grabbed my purse. He then plucked the bread sticks out with his hand.

"Hey," I yelled, not caring that every ear in the restaurant was turned this way. "Give that back, you bloodsucker!"

"Whoa, Alice," said Emmett, bringing up in hands in surrender. "We're in a public place here; do you really think we're going to hurt you in front of all these people?"

_Good point. _

"Plus, Edward could have sucked you dry back at your place without a single witness."

_Now there's a cheery thought. But another good point._

"Sprite, don't you want to know more?" asked Edward. His gaze was penetrating and I felt myself sitting down.

"Hey, did you just do some sort of mind whammy on me to get me to sit down?" I asked Edward.

"Yes. And no I am not going to do the mind whammy on your RA or on your Calculus I professor."

_Damn._ "So Jasper is an incubus. Is Rosalie Hale one as well? Are they really brother and sister? Is he as old as Emmett? And, most importantly, why is he in a coma in my room? Ohmygod, he's not, like, morphing into another creature or something, is he?"

"Good lord, sprite," said Edward. "Just pay attention…"

So here is the summary of what I found out, it took almost three hours to get this information, what with my questions, Emmett's not-so-helpful comments, and the breaks we had to take every time another load of food was brought to our table. Mattithe demons eat a lot. I mean _a lot._ And blood vampires, like Edward, don't actually eat food and instead, or at least it appeared to me, surreptitiously shovel it into the mouth of the nearest Mattithe demon.

Anyway, Jasper and Rosalie really are incubi. We humans decided a long time ago (think Mesopotamia) that an incubus is a type of vampire, but, according to both Edward and Emmett, they are a completely different species of "Others".

Others are the monsters that we humans have regulated to scary stories or dry mythology taught in a classroom. There are tons of Others out in the real world, but I had somehow chosen the University that had been designated as a mating ground for all Others.

_Lucky me._

Basically a lot of single Others, who were at the age to mate, were sent to college decade after decade in the hopes that they would find a mate amongst others of their species. A different college in a different country was chosen as the designated mating ground each decade. Sometimes one species mated with another species. For life, which for many of these species meant eternity because they were immortal. "We're like cock roaches," boasted Emmett. "Pretty much fucking impossible to kill."

Rosalie and Emmett were an example of one such coupling. Turns out Rosalie and Emmett were like the campus cruise directors for our university; making sure that all the good little Others socialized and got to know all the available meat on the market (Emmett's phrase). They created fraternities and sororities of Others desperate for a hook up. It explained so much about the Sigma Ka guys. They tried to do it with anything in a skirt.

Occasionally, an Other would mate with a human. No incubus, and I asked a lot of questions to be sure, had ever mated with a human before. It was an accepted fact that such a union was impossible.

Being an incubus like Jasper did not sound so great. Once they hit puberty, Incubi like Jasper and Rosalie had to survive on the life-force of other beings. Being around an incubus (a female incubus like Rosalie is called a succubus) is detrimental to a human's health because we frail mortals are not immortal and we only have a finite amount of life-force. In the past, the incubi practiced a New Year's Eve ritual that called for draining a human completely to gain enough sustenance to last that one year. In modern times, Incubi had learned to flit around humans, gathering up bits of a human's life-force through their emotions, or to hook up with Others, who could afford to share large quantities of their life force.

"That is what Edward and Jasper were doing," explained Emmett, around a big bite off a triple decker club sandwich. I choked on my own sandwich. "They weren't mates or anything, but Eyore over here has been depressed since he was turned almost 90 years ago and that was able to sustain Jazz."

Sustain, but not satisfy. According to Emmett, an incubus's hunger was only satiated when he (or she) found his (or her) true mate. "It puts them in really bitchy moods," he claimed. "That is why Rosalie is so happy with me! She was had been starving for centuries, just grazing. Now she is 100% satisfied at the Emmett all-you-can eat buffet of love."

Rosalie had been starving for eight hundred years before she met Emmett. Her older brother, Jasper, had been starving for over a millennium. Yeah, I had made it with a 1100 year old soul sucking monster who had a ginormous case of the munchies.

"You should have died," Edward said solemnly with a sigh. "No human can survive being intimate with an incubus. I don't know what Jasper was doing, the bloody fool."

"Ok, I am on brain overload here," I admitted. "I still have a hundred and one questions but I need to digest this all." _Had Jasper meant to kill me?_

"Check please," yelled Emmett. Our waiter barreled his way over to us again, practically prostrating himself in front of our football star. Turns out our check had already been paid by some alumni who wanted to support our school's best shot at the Rose Bowl. Emmett went over to say thank you to the fan, leaving Edward and me alone for a minute.

"Sprite," said Edward softly. "You didn't die. Jasper fed fully from you and you didn't die. Heck, you were at full speed the morning after. And now I have this thing with Bella. I think this was meant to be…"

I just shook my head tiredly. I didn't even want to add the confusion about Edward and Bella to the mix right now. Especially since Bella was with James.

Edward growled, and his eyes turned red. He clenched his hands and for a second I thought he was going to attack me. Instead, he rose and barreled out of the restaurant.

Emmett made his way to the table and arched his eyebrow, questioning Edward's departure.

"Edward got a little upset when I thought about Bella's boyfriend," I admitted.

"Dumward has a bit of a temper," said Emmett with a grin. "Don't let it get to you. I need to speak to the bloodsucker about finessing a lady. She'll be putty in his hands in no time. Come on let's head back to your room and find out what's up with Jasper."

Emmett held the patio's gate open for me and we exited the restaurant, back onto the campus's main mall.

"Why doesn't Edward just do his whammy on Bella?" I asked Emmett. As much as I didn't want to see my best friend become the love slave of some bloodsucking monster, it did seem to be the easiest solution for him.

"I can't," said Edward, appearing suddenly at my side. His eyes were back to their normal amber color. His umbrella was in place over his head. "I can't read Bella's thoughts and I can't control her. That is one of the ways my kind know we have found our mate."

Emmett cleared his throat.

Edward pinched his nose. "Sprite, I am sorry I lost it in there. The thought of Bella with another man makes me lose control."

"Is that why you tried to attack her in my room?" I asked.

"Yeah," he admitted. "I could smell that she'd been with a human male and it just set me off. I totally went cave vampire on her. I just wanted to grab her and... head off to my cave."

"She's pretty serious about him."

"I know," he admitted. "I've seen it in your head."

"Don't worry, Eddie," Emmett said, swinging an arm over Edward's shoulder. "No human man can compare to an Other."

"It's Edward."

"Eddie."

"Edward."

And so went the next five minutes of the walk until I stopped walking and sat down on a bench. The two were so involved in their childish argument that they actually another couple of steps before they realized I had stopped walking.

"I've regrouped," I announced. Emmett cheered and Edward groaned.


	7. Chapter 7

I gazed up towards the cloudy sky and enjoyed the feel of the wind against my skin. It felt great to reconnect with what was real, a basic element of nature, after all the fantastical I had just encountered.

"What happens to Jasper if I just walk away?" I asked, pretending a casualness that I didn't feel. I ignored the little inner voice yelling no. "What happens if I don't want this?"

"What do you mean by this?" asked Emmett, frowning fiercely. He began pacing around my bench.

"She wants to forget about us freaks," Edward answered for me, bitterly. "She wants to bury her head back into the sand and live a normal life. Typical air headed, self centered human stuff."

"You can't," protested Emmett.

"Why the hell not?" I asked, my bitterness easily matching Edward's. "I didn't ask to be Jasper's mate. I didn't ask for an incubus to freak in my room and fall into a coma. I don't even know the guy!"

"Except in the biblical sense," muttered Emmett.

"That's not me! I don't sleep with guys I don't know. This is just _too_ _much_ craziness!" I practically shouted, startling a gawky guy who'd walked into the courtyard, obviously on his way to class or something. "You, freshman, what the hell you looking at? Keep walking."

The poor little frosh looked freaked to be called out for his rude staring and he rushed across the courtyard and away from us. It felt really good to shout a command at a guy and actually be obeyed. _I am Alice, hear me roar and all that jazz._

"Jasper needs you," Edward said emphatically, grabbing my arm roughly and shaking me. "He's a nice guy who is good to his friends and…. I don't know, has this really innate sense of honor. He will go crazy without you." He sat down next to me on the stone bench, the umbrella still held high over his head. The asswipe turned his head and tried to look deeply into my eyes. I felt his power wash over me.

"No, you motherfucker, you will _not_ control me!" I shouted as I closed my eyes and scrambled off the bench. I ran blindly forward with my eyes still closed, stumbling over grass and benches, until, SMACK, I ran into something hard. Owwwww!!!!

I fell back, stunned. My nose really hurt. Next time I try running with my eyes closed I need to remember to keep my arms straight ahead of me. _You're smarter than this, Alice. _Had I just run into a building?

I timidly opened my eyes and realized I'd run straight into Emmett, the monster turd.

I did what any human normal girl in my situation would have done. I burst into big, snot filled tears. _I had tried so hard to be strong throughout this whole trip into the Twilight Zone_. I had thought I could enter Where the Wild Things Are and be crowned King Alice. Instead, I was easily manipulated and controlled by the monsters around me. I was tired of being made to do things that were beyond my control.

I had so many angry thoughts, and I hoped that Edward could hear each one. _Had Jasper used some mind thing on me to rape me? Was I going to be a slave to these monsters for the rest of my life? Did I get any sort of choice in this? Was the Queen Bitch behind this?_

"Alice," Emmett said as he crouched down next to me. He patted me on the back. "The ugly, stupid asshole of a vampire is gone. No one is going to hurt you. Shhhhhh, darling."

I, of course, cried harder. I felt Emmett's strong arms wrap around me and he began to rock me backwards and forwards.

"Edward is a jerk," the monster turd said softly. "Jasper is totally going to kick his ass when he wakes up."

He held me in that courtyard for what seemed forever, just murmuring soft nothings about how great Jasper was and all of his many accomplishments. I didn't really believe that Jasper had been a general in both the Civil War and World War II. And I just couldn't imagine him as a chivalrous knight in King Arthur's court. But all of these outrageous stories helped calm me down and soon I was able to think again.

Being in Emmett's arms made me feel safe and it was _really_ nice to meet a guy I didn't want to jump immediately into bed with.

"Emmett," I said softly. "I know a little about incubi from World Lit. About the stories surrounding their legend—they're these super studs who no woman can resist. When an incubus has sex with a woman, he drains her until she is dead."

"That is the story," agreed Emmett.

"Did Jasper use his powers on me to get me to sleep with him?" I asked. "Did he mean to kill me and something went wrong and now he's wasted on my bed?"

Emmett burst out laughing.

I struggled to get away from him. What was I thinking? _He is one of them._

Emmett kept his grip around me and planted a kiss on my head. "Yep, you're definitely going to be my favorite relative."

I didn't see how my death was a very funny matter. And being Emmett's relative was not in my top million plans for the future.

"It's just that the Hales, Jasper and Rosalie's family, are incredibly proper, civilized, boring incubi. They haven't killed humans for at least the last 900 years or so. In fact, they've kind of deluded themselves into thinking that they're humankind's protectors." Emmett explained, still chuckling. "And especially since you're his mate, Jasper would rather die like a freakin' pansy ass coward screaming for his mama a thousand times over than ever hurt you."

"So he didn't use his mojo to get me into bed?"

"I don't know," said Emmett honestly. "I know when Rosie and I first met; we couldn't keep our hands off each other. I, mean, we had like a two year honeymoon before we came up to catch our breath. We were attending college in Milan that decade."

"So you're saying that I wanted to bump uglies with Edward because Jasper and I are mated?" I asked in disbelief. The mate thing did not explain how out of control my hormones were around Jasper.

"I can tell you that in the almost 100 years I have known Jasper, he has never ever been with a human female. He's tried for a thousand years to find his mate and he's only ever slept with Others. He does not have a reputation for being a rapist., but I, myself, have never slept with him so I can't tell you about his magnetic personality or anything, I know that for the last 6 months all Jasper has talked about is this passionate, beautiful woman named Alice. I was bored of you long before I ever met you, babe."

"I don't know what to think," I admitted.

"I think that is very smart," replied Emmett with a big grin on his face. "Of course, you don't believe me. You just met me today and found out that I scared the bejesus out of you so you'd hook up with my brother-in-law."

I couldn't help it, I smiled back at Emmett. Inside, my sensible voice was chastising me, but my basic Alice self was responding to Emmett's charm. _Sucker._

"So is Edward off sucking the blood out of some coed?" I asked, trying to sound like I was joking. _God, I hope I can get Bella away from him._

"Eddie?" again Emmett burst out with his deep chested ho-ho-ho. He actually sounded like a deranged Santa Clause. He finally let go of me so that he could fall on the ground, clutching his middle, chortling like a deranged hyena.

Once, again, I knew the joke was on me. I stood there waiting, impatiently tapping me foot. Eventually I got so impatient waiting, that I nudged Emmett's arm with my foot. Big mistake. He wrapped his arm around my calf and pulled me down to the ground, catching me before I hit the ground hard.

I snuggled up next to him. My big turdy teddy bear.

"Blood vampires are very cosmopolitan these days," Emmett informed me a smirk. He arched his eye brow and used a high pitch voice, English accented voice, "All the best vampires are getting their needs met with 98.6 degree warmed synthetic blood. It just hits the spot without any of the inconvenience of clean up."

"What?" I shrieked, sitting up. "The asshole drinks fake blood?"

"Yes, the asshole does," replied the asshole in question. I whipped my head around and saw him sitting on the bench. "Sprite, I want to apologize. Jasper is a really good friend of mine and I… I just wanted to give him what he wants more than anything in the world—you. I am.... '" he looked absolutely pained,"...sorry."

"Edward, I am trying to be cool with all this and understand what's going on," I said. "But if you treat me like a dumb human or try to manipulate me again, I am leaving. I will not allow myself to be treated in that manner."

"Emmett's right," Edward sighed. "Jasper is going to kick my butt if… I mean when he wakes up. What I did to you was inexcusable and I will endeavor to make it up to you and prove my trustworthiness."

"Pretty speech, Asswipe," smirked Emmett.

"What do you mean _if _Jasper wakes up?" I demanded.

"Alice, no incubus has ever mated with a human before. It is unprecedented. Honestly, I am worried about how deep and how long Jasper has been in a coma. I don't even know why he's in a coma. All I get from his thoughts is how happy he is and how much he adores Alice."

A small gasp escaped my lips. _I didn't really care. I was just startled by the fact that the goofy guy in my dorm room could become an immoveable landmark. _

_Right? _

_Right? _Uh, _hello, anyone home?_

I had no answer for the nagging voice so I told it to shut up.

"My father is attending Jasper and I know that if anyone can help him, Carlisle can," Edward assured me.

"Asswipe is just being a drama queen," said Emmett, a bit angrily. "Jasper is going to wake up pretty soon. Don't worry."

"I don't know what to do if he does wake up. I am still in the same place I was before," I admitted miserably. "I don't know him."

"Well, I think I can do two things that will change your mind about me and make you trust me and Emmett more."

I snorted in disbelief.

Edward dropped his umbrella and the clouds parted, events occurring almost in perfect synchronization. The sun beamed down on the vampire and he started to glow and sparkle. His skin was gold and sparkled with diamonds. He was absolutely gorgeous and I stood there, absolutely dazzled by what I saw.

"Show off!" yelled Emmett, breaking the spell. Edward smiled at me and lifted his umbrella back over his head. The sun's rays interrupted, his skin faded back to its normal pale pallor.

_Wow, and I thought he was beautiful before._

"Easy parlor trick," scoffed Emmett.

I linked my arm through Emmett's and gave him a small half hug. _Awww, the monster turd is jealous. _I smiled when I heard Edward chuckle.

"That was incredible, Edward," I said, actually gushing a bit. "Thank you for showing me. What is the other thing that will convince me?

"Who."

"Huh?"

"It's a who that will convince you that we're good guys. A white witch who knows Jasper very well is going to vouch for his character."

"Why the hell would I care what a witch thought?"

"Cause it's Angela."

_Checkmate, glowworm._

Silently, which is a _huge_ accomplishment for me, I followed the guys (or should I call them monsters? Others?) across campus to my dorm.

I took the stairs, as was my habit, and not the elevators. When you have as much energy as I do, being trapped in a small, moving box is a bad thing. I got stuck there once with Bella and it took roses and a pizza to get her to even listen to me. Edward and Emmett easily kept up with me as I pounded up the steps and did not utter one single complaint,

We exited onto the fourth floor and I went to the first door in the hallway and knocked loudly.

The door slowly opened,

"What are you doing here?" Angela asked nervously, staring cautiously around the door through her thick glasses. She was eyeing Emmett and Edward

I loved her glasses. They tilted up at the ends and reminded me of cat eyes. Of course, I wasn't thrilled that she wore her hair up in a high pony tail and favored sweater sets and saddle skirts. I really wished she didn't do the whole '50s thing all the time... Talk about taking a theme way too far.

"Well, you know how I told you and Bella about all that weird stuff that happened in my dorm room earlier with Jasper and his friend Edward?" I asked Ang.

"Uh-huh."

"Well, these guys here think you are part of this whole weird world of monsters," I said in a rush, feeling a blush rising up my neck. "They claim that you're a witch."

I never, ever blush because very little ever embarrasses me, but asking a close friend whom I admired if she was a monster definitely was an exception to the rule! I hope she'd still talk to me after this.

Angela didn't burst out in laugher as I expected at my declaration of her monsterhood. Nor did she run and grab the phone to call 911, bringing forth burly white men in white lab coats to take me away to a nice padded room.

"Why don't you come in and we'll talk about this," she said. She opened the door wider and I saw Bella sitting on Ang's bed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward stiffen and then take a step forward.

Ang held up her hand, palm out in the classic STOP gesture. She said firmly, "Only Alice."

Edward started to protest but stopped when Bella grabbed a pillow and hid her face.

"We'll go check on Jasper," he said stiffly.

The guys started walking down the hallway to my dorm room.

"Bitch," muttered Emmett.

A flash of light erupted from Ang's raised hand and hit Emmett in the ass.

"Owwwwww!!!!" he yelled. "Damn, that's going to leave mark!"

"Apologize to the nice witch before she turns you into a frog, doofus," chided Edward.

"Sorry, sorceress," said Emmett with a hangdog face.

He and Edward picked up their pace and were soon inside my dorm room once more. This time without me.

"A lady must always demand respect," explained Ang, a twinkle in her eye.

_Oh, damn, she really is one of them…._


	8. Chapter 8

"Did you see that?" asked Bella.

"Yeah, I saw Ang zap Emmett in the ass for being rude," I replied, sitting down next to her on the bed. "The monster turd deserved it!"

"What the hell is going on, Al" asked Bella as she clutched one of Ang's numerous throw pillows to her chest. "What have you gotten yourself into?"

"Bella, some truly weird shit," I sighed. I turned to look at her straight in the eye, so she could see that I wasn't bullshitting her. "All those myths about monsters and witches and stuff have come to life and are taking over my life."

The dorm room was flung open. Ang had returned with a big bowl of popcorn, a bag of red vines, and a six pack of diet coke.

"I don't think caffeine is a good idea," said Bella, eyeing me nervously.

"I've already had two diet cokes today," I confessed.

"Well, that definitely explains why you're wearing two different shoes," said Ang with a giggle.

I yelped and looked down at my feet. Sure enough, I was wearing two different high heels; one red and one animal print.

I'd walked across campus wearing two different shoes, obviously not matching.

I had NEVER, since I first started choosing my own outfits at the age of three, ever been less than fully coordinated.

I'd thought all those stares at me earlier were because I had been with Emmett and Edward. But obviously, it'd been because I was a FREAK. I am an idiot.

And Stalker Number 2 and the monster turd had let me walk the entire way and back and hadn't said a thing. Not a damn word. Douche bags.

Oh God! There goes my rep. My weekly blog as the campus fashion police…. My priority pass at the boutiques on 5th… My discount at Urban Outfitters…

I started to hyperventilate.

Ang put down the snacks. "Alice, it's ok." She waived her hand and suddenly I was wearing two animal print shoes.

I stopped huffing, mid wheeze. "Wow, that's handy. Can you just make shoes out of thin air or what?"

"Yes," answered Ang simply with a huge smile. My new best friend.

"And you dress the way you do because?" Oh shit, did I just say that out loud? I slapped my hands over my mouth in horror. I so did not want to get turned into a frog.

Ang started laughing. A second later, so did Bella. Just like that, everything returned to normal. Ang was my chica again, not some big scary sorceress.

"I can't take you anywhere, can I?" teased Bella. "You can see why we can't give her any more caffeine."

"No problem," said Ang and she pointed at a can of diet coke, and it turned into a can of diet pineapple soda.

"Yum, my favorite!" I shouted and I bounced off the bed to get my drink. It was ice cold, just the way I liked it.

"Man, you're handy to have around," I told Ang and I gave her a hug to show her that I was ok with her being an Other. She blushed a little. "So why in the world, if you can do stuff like that, do you dress like you're in a 1950's time warp? I mean, the glasses are hot and all but, really, sweater sets?"

"Alice," groaned Bella. She rapped me over the head with the throw pillow she'd been clutching like a friggin' life raft. I grabbed another pillow—Ang had plenty piled on her bed—and then hit her back. Ang magically created her own pillow, at least four times bigger than the one I had, and soon the three of us were engaged in a heavy duty pillow fight. Eventually, we settled down and settled onto our tummies on Ang's queen size bed. Lucky witch had ended up with one of the few single rooms our dorm offered.

Could we be a bigger cliché here? College girls in a dorm room hitting each other with pillows: it sounded like the premise for a bad porno. Of course, given the fact that one of us was able to smite a Mattithe demon, I'd be careful about making that comparison. But it felt great to be silly with my gallies.

"So I dress the way I do because I was raised in the '50s," explained Ang. "I was a teenager crazy about poodle skirts and the malt shop on the corner."

"Damn, girl," squealed Bella. "You're older than my mother. If you can do all this magic stuff, and I am totally suspending my disbelief here for a second, and you're a lot more…. mature than me and Al, what the heck are you doing hanging out with us?"

"I don't think I had a choice. I was sent here for the whole "find a mate thing" and--what was it? My first day here?--and Alice bounces into my room and announces we're going to be the best of friends."

Yep, that's how I throw it down.

"Then, she starts going through my clothes, shrieking and telling me about all my fashion don'ts."

"You are such a nut," Bella affectionately told me.

"As I remember it, Miss Bella, you followed in pretty soon after, took one look at Ang's big screen TV and announced this was the hang out spot," I retorted.

"A bit presumptuous of me, huh?" asked Bella.

"Just a bit," admitted Ang. "You two humans didn't give me a chance not to be your friends. And then we discovered The Hills and Gossip Girls and I knew you two were my soul mates."

"Oh, crap, I don't want to hear anything else about mates today!" It was my turn to bury my head underneath a pillow.

"Ha! Not that kind of mate, you sicko!" snorted Ang.

"What's this I keep hearing about mates?" asked Bella. "Is this like a witch thing or something?"

Oh yeah, Bella had missed the whole Edward-and-Emmett-heart–to-heart. May they suffer a million bad hair days for not protecting me from being a fashion don't. Hmmm, I wonder if Ang has a potion or something to do that…. Maybe I can make Edward bald…

I was just about to unload all the juicy stuff I'd learned when there was a loud knock on the door.

Had the two turds come back? Was Jasper ok? Was he awake? Just breathe.

Ang beat me to the door by half a second. "Don't be mad at me, Al," she whispered.

Mad, why would I be mad?

Ang opened the door and there stood my arch enemy, the evil villainess Rosalie Hale, soul sucker extraordinaire. She was perfectly coifed and wore a snug pink sweater with her sorority Greek letters across her chest, a big, fake smile on her evil incarnate face.

"You!" I gasped. I shot a hurt look at Ang. "_Et tu, Brutus_?"

"Angela!" QB exclaimed (Queen Bitch for all you asleep at the wheel). She and the traitorous witch exchanged air kisses. Then she turned her evil stare at me and I gulped. The last time she and I had faced off, my brand new Coach purse had been ruined by a chocolate milk shake.

Bella quickly got up off the bed and came to stand behind me, lending her support against the QB. That Coach incident had also resulted in Bella getting a black eye, so she may have teensy bigger reason to be pissed off at QB.

Picture this:

Saturday, October 4, 2008, Sak's Fifth Avenue close-out sale.

A beautiful Chanel skirt on 80% mark down.

Things got really ugly really fast when Rosalie Hale and I saw the skirt at the same time. The fight that commenced was epic and the ending tragic. Despite the fact that her huge ass couldn't fit into the damn thing, QB ended up with it. Bella with my steak dinner on her eye, nursing a bruise. I still have nightmares.

"Alice Brandon," QB acknowledged me coldly.

"Rosalie Hale… McCartney," I announced, letting her know that (a) I knew she was a monster and (b) that she was actually married to Emmett.

"So are you going to join with my brother or am I going to have to ensure that every single store in the tri state area rejects your credit cards?"

She couldn't do that, could she?

"Rose," warned Ang. "Alice is under my protection."

Awwww. That's so cute, in a creepy thank-god-my-friend-is-a-witch kind of way.

"Not that it is any of your business," I stated stiffly, well aware that QB could suck out my soul and leave me a hollow husk, or (and this was the scarier possibility) she could one day be my sister-in-law. "But I'm here to talk to Angela about the Others and all this weird stuff. This poor human here is trying to figure what's going on with Jasper and how she fits into it."

"Great! Then you haven't decided to reject him yet," Rosalie said with a huge smile. "I was so sure the loser and his geek vampire would have screwed this up beyond belief by now." She came over towards me and I cringed, thinking she was going to do SOMETHING BAD to me.

The QB hugged me. I repeat: the QB hugged me.

She then lifted me off my feet and spun me around, laughing like a freakin' loon. Someone please, please get me away from this crazy ass Succubus. Please.

"Let her go, you bitch!" screamed Bella, bashing the evil monster with her pillow. Yeah, I know, I love that girl like crazy and I am super glad she has my back, but someone is gonna have to talk to the girl about her choice of weapons.

"Freeze!" shouted Ang and suddenly we were all immobile, unable to move at all.

"Ok, I'm going to unfreeze everyone and we're all gonna sit down and talk about this like the civilized beings we all are," Angela threatened. "Or else."

Angela unfroze us and Bella said, "Oh shit!"

"We'll explain everything, I promise," Ang said soothingly to Bella. "But first let me try to build some sort of truce between these two because I like my room just the way it is. NOW SIT."

We all sat.

Ang, Bella, and I sat on the bed while QB, very intelligently, moved out of my reach and chose to sit on Ang's desk chair.

"Al, I'm going to let Rose speak first. You will listen or I am gonna make it so you wear mismatched shoes for the rest of your life."

"Eep!" I squeaked. Good witch? Ang was the very cruel, very scary evil witch of the west straight out of Oz. God, I love her. I hope she's on my side. Rosalie Hale is toast.

"Alice," said QB. "You're a human, you're pushy, you're insulting, you're too short, and you work really hard to annoy me."

I shot off the bed to go take tackle the evil soul sucker when I saw Ang lift up her hand. I quickly sat back down and sulked.

"But… but I will love you forever and be eternally grateful that Jazz found you. I am hoping you and I can become friends. Emmett tells me that you're super funny and have a killer appetite."

Uhhhh….. huh…..

"However, even if we never learn to like each other," she said, actually tearing up. "I will love you for being Jazz's mate and completing him. For rescuing him and bringing him some peace and happiness."

Ok, so I was actually moved by this display. I hugged myself so I wouldn't be tempted to go and actually hug QB.

"I just wanted to let you know that I will always support you and Jasper and I will never, ever, ever come between you or try to hurt you in any way. I promise you that my entire family feels the same way. So if I was the reason or one of the reasons that you weren't sure about Jasper, then I hope I can somehow prove that you don't need to worry about me. My brother deserves happiness and you're the only one who can make him happy."

QB actually got on her knees in front of me, her eyes swimming with tears, and her voice shaking with emotion.

"Please don't reject him because he is my brother."


	9. Chapter 9

I woke up with a huge smile on my face, as normal. I'd had the best dreams about Jasper. Surprisingly, not all of them had been X-rated either. I'd dreamt about him in a confederate soldier costume (Yum!), as a knight in shining armor, and as superman. He actually managed to make blue tights look good. And the package…. Drool worthy for sure.

Yes, Jasper, the guy only yesterday I'd totally despised.

But that was before--before I'd spent the day with his two best buddies and an entire night with his sister, hearing all about his life. Turns out he was a Confederate general after all… Ang even vouched for it. He'd done so many amazing and heroic things, all while battling this really painful hunger. I couldn't imagine living with that kind of cruel torture for over a thousand years.

Rose (formerly QB, but after witnessing her crying I didn't feel right about using it anymore) told me about how incubi lived a pretty normally until they hit puberty, at which the "hunger" begins. According to her, it is insidious, never completely stopping, and occupies a large part of an incubus's thoughts. Incubi can feed off of strong emotions because somehow they contain parts of a being's life-force. But living off of emotional scraps cannot quiet the clawing need, which is constant unless an incubus gets a large dosage of life-force, which used to mean in the good ol' days sucking up a human soul every year.

_Cheery thought, huh?_

But then incubi discovered that they could live off Others, who had stronger, more resilient life-forces and projected strong amounts of it in their emotions. Which is why the incubi created the love university, as Rose called it, and why Rose was a camp counselor/ love matchmaker.

"These dorks project the most delicious amounts of misery, angst, nervousness, and a whole host of other emotions," she said with a wicked smile. "They're far away from home for the first time and trying to impress the other sex. It is really tasty. Plus, we incubi are constantly on the lookout for our Chosen One, and since that has always meant an Other…well until now," she gave me a wink "The meat market really works for us."

It is how Rose met Emmett. He enrolled in the selected university, somewhere in Rome, Italy that decade, and she said they both recognized that they were meant to be.

"Oh my goddess, when you find an Other who is a mate," Rose said with a blissful sigh. "It is the first time that an incubi is completely full and happy. I don't need the misery of others to get by anymore… now it's just a nice treat."

Edward and Jasper hooked up about eighty or so years ago, during some rodeo in East Texas. Edward, who was turned into a vampire at the age of seventeen by Carlisle (which is the pinnacle of male angst, right when puberty really loads up on the testosterone for a guy), was a smorgasbord of emotion. Their relationship was mutually symbiotic—as Jasper found someone who could sustain him and Edward found a purpose in life: helping out another being, one who was considered a hero by many of the Others.

"Somehow, and I greatly question my brother's taste here, they became the best of friends," shuddered Rose.

"What's wrong with Edward?" asked Bella. Ang and I froze. I don't think anyone had filled Rose in on the fact that Bella might be his mate. _Good lord, what is going to come out of that succubus' mouth? _

"He's alright I guess," said Rose with a dramatic sigh. "He's just so serious and introspective. He's totally caught the hero bug from Carlisle and Jasper, and now he wants to become a surgeon to help mankind. But he's totally conflicted about how he has to feed off of blood to survive."

I caught Bella shiver, possibly in disgust.

"Hey, it's synthetic blood!" I protested. Ok, so I wasn't sure I wanted Bella and Jerkward to hook up, but I felt she needed all the facts before she made her decision.

"Yeah, but that is a relatively new invention so for years he's had to take it off the hoof, so to speak," replied Rose haughtily. "Supposedly, when Jasper found him, he was almost suicidal because his conscience was overwhelming him. Jasper helped center him by taking in a lot of those negative emotions."

"So is Edward still suicidal?" asked Bella. She really was displaying a whole lot of curiosity about the boy. I turned my attention from Rose to study the girl. Red cheeks, check. Red ears, check. Not meeting my eyes, check. Yep, the girl was totally interested in Stalker Boy #2. Sorry, James. Too bad, so sad.

"No," replied Rose to Bella's question. "He still takes himself way too seriously but now he's caught Jasper's bug and has this total honor code system set up. He and Jazz can be so noble sometimes I want to gag. I occasionally dash to doors just so I can open them myself. It really flusters the guys."

I stretched out in the bed, enjoying the morning light shining on my face, and rolled my shoulders. Two days in a row of waking up with another person in my bed was causing me a little discomfort in my lower back. Of course, this morning I was waking up next to several persons.

Yesterday evening had been nice. After Rosalie's declaration of loyalty, which I still hadn't completely processed, we girls had sat around and talked. And talked. And then talked some more until we all passed out on Ang's bed.

Parts of the convo had been serious, parts of it funny, and parts of it spent filling a disbelieving Bella in about everything I had learned. This included Jasper's claim that I was his Chosen One. Yeah, Chosen One is like the classier, more formal term for mate.

"What's cool about being a mate," according to Rose, "is that Others mate for life and the Fates pick out their _perfect_ partner, the being destined to be their perfect Other half." Yeah, I too thought about the cheesy line from _Jerry Maguire_ when I heard about it. I can just see Emmett telling Rose "You complete me."

"But how does a person, I mean, an _Other_ know that they've found their Chosen One?" asked Bella, her arms wrapped around her knees. "Is it like a marriage or something?

Ang and I exchanged glances—should we tell Bella now?

"Oh, it is a _much_ greater commitment than marriage," said Rose seriously. "We each only have one mate with whom we are perfectly matched. We are each given to know who our Chosen One is the second we meet them. "

"How do you know that you have the right mate and that you're not just horny or something?" I asked, thinking about Jasper and the fabulous sex we'd had. Had I been a conquest—a booty call, if you will—or could there be more to our night together? Was there some way to be sure that Jasper and I were meant to be together? Like a litmus test of something?

"Each species of Others keeps the exact knowledge of _how _we identify our mates a secret." she replied mysteriously.

"That seems silly," I said, frustrated. "Why the hell would anyone do that? I mean wouldn't you want to show everyone concrete proof that this person is your mate?"

"Alice, would you want someone like me, a person who knows a lot about magic, to know how you will identify the person you will pledge your life and fidelity to?" asked Ang. "To know what will convince you that the person standing before you is your mate?"

I shrugged because I still didn't see the problem.

"What happens if you are a wealthy and powerful prince and I wanted to live in a palace?" asked Ang. "It would be really easy for me to convince you magically that I was your mate. For example, if werewolves identify their mate because they spontaneously change forms whenever their mate is around, then if I wanted a particularly hunky wolf to be my love slave, all I'd have to do is carry a sprig of wolf's bane and—presto—one miserable wolf who is pledged to me for the rest of his life."

_Yuck. That is like getting matched up on E-Harmony to a six-foot-two, twenty-five year old engineer with wavy black only to show up to the restaurant and find a five-foot-five, bald, forty-seven year old and your former high school principal Mike Newton. Not that it had ever happened to me or anything. _

"Could you just get a divorce or something once you found your real mate?" asked Bella.

"No," said Rosalie simply. "We mate for life. Once an Other identifies that his or her mate, then there is a lot of pressure in our community to have the union sanctified in front of everyone so that no one accidentally macks or feasts on your mate. We call the ceremony Joining. "

_Eek. Imagine if your choices were Mike Newton or death._

"Once you join with someone, you are stuck. If you tried to be with anyone else, you'd incur the wrath of the Fates," said Ang ominously. "Our history is filled with the pretty horrific deaths of beings who tried to thwart their rules."

Until last night, my idea of the Fates was the Greek legend about three women sitting around a spool of thread, cutting lifelines when it is time for someone to get voted off the mortal stage of life. But it turns out; the Fates are more like my idea of ghosts. Noncorporal beings that guard the human population while trying to cultivate the Others. I am still not clear as to _why_ they care. Just that they've set up these rules that all Others must live by and they do not seem to be particularly forgiving to rule breakers.

"That's horrible!" exclaimed Bella. "Thank goodness I am not an Other! I don't even want to get married to another human, after living through my parents' divorce. I can't even imagine being tied down forever to someone who I can't leave because I'd die a torturous death."

_Ok, so maybe it is not the time to tell her about being Edward's Chosen One. _

"So are you and Emmett joined?" I asked Rosalie.

"Yep," she said happily. "We both knew immediately that we'd found the one. Although I won't give you the details, immense physical attraction to your mate is definitely something every Other feels when they find their Chosen One. You'll never be attracted to another being."

"Well, then Jasper can't be my mate," I concluded. _Did I feel a twinge of disappointment?_

"You're not really thinking you're Stalker Guy's girlfriend?" asked Bella, wide eyed. "Ewww!!!"

"Bella, his sister is sitting right beside you," I chided her. Bella had been stuck fending off Jasper's advances for the past six months so I could totally understand why she wasn't happy about the two of us at a couple. But, still, there was a part of me that wanted to bitch slap the girl for maligning Jasper. Poor Bella, I didn't understand what I was feeling or what I wanted so there was no way I could expect her to. _She _wasn't the mind read, after all. Instead. she was loyally sticking up for what I had said (repeatedly) I _didn't_ want

"Bella, Jasper just doesn't seem as creepy," I admitted. "But there is _no_ way that Jasper can be my mate, cause I was definitely super attracted to Edward. I would have busted a move on the boy if he hadn't stopped me."

"Huh," said Ang. "That is strange."

"Yeah, I can't explain that one," admitted Rose, looking worried. She started chewing on her nails.

"So tell more about the Fates and stuff," requested Bella, obviously trying to change the subject.

Last night's proceedings turned especially funny when I told Bella that Edward thought she was his mate, a.k.a. Chosen One.

"Ang, can you conjure up some rum?" I asked. She looked at me questioningly, because normally I didn't drink unless we were in a bar or at a party.

"I need to tell Bella _everything, _especially about Edward's mate," I explained. "I think she may need some liquid courage."

"Edward has a mate?" Bella squeaked as she sat up abruptly.

"Bella," I said gently, trying not to rejoice too much in getting to share my burdens with another individual. "Edward claims _you're_ his mate."

"What?! Nah? That doesn't make any sense," she said moving her hands through her hair and making little gasping sounds, as if she wasn't getting enough oxygen to her brain. "Why would you say that? That's so not fair, Alice."

She started to hyperventilate so Ang helped her lean over and put her heads between her knees.

She kept gulping huge breaths of air in and then whining things like, "He's delusional", "He's a bloodsucker", "I can't mate for life, my parents couldn't even stay married for a couple of years" or, my personal favorite, "He's too good looking for me."

She finally calmed down and was leaning against Rose for support. Ang conjured up a shot of some amber liquid and Bella easily knocked it back in one gulp.

"Bella, there some more stuff you should know about Edward," I said, feeling like I should just rip the damn band aid off with one tug. "Edward can read minds."

"Seriously?" she asked, looking a little green around the gills. _What had the girl been thinking about the hot vampire?_

"Yeah, well everyone's mind but yours," I responded.

"What's wrong with my mind?" she demanded.

"That _might_ be a sign that you're his mate," answered Ang. "I've heard a rumor that is how vampire couples can survive eternity without staking each other."

Bella's head was again between her knees and she took another two shots before she was coherent again.

The best part of last night, though, was when we decided to prove to Bella that monsters _really_ existed. For some reason she was cool with witches and vampires, but the idea of a Matithe demon and the other weird Others out there was just way beyond her ability to comprehend.

So we brought Emmett in and he did his change thing.

_Bruhahahahahahaha!_

Bella took one look at his Day-Glo, tentacled self, let out a sharp scream and passed out. We had to bring in Dr. Cullen to revive her.

Bella talks in her sleep when she dreams, which I have learned to live with as her roomie.

I guess she also has vivid dreams when she passes out, cause the girls and I heard all about how Bella wanted Edward to bite her neck (hard), suck her breasts (hard), and hold her hand (how that fit in with the first two I couldn't tell). I guess Miss Bella had a biting fetish I never knew about.

When she finally did wake up in Dr. Cullen's arms, she nearly fainted again when she saw the gorgeous guy who was holding her. The girl was practically drooling. She was absolutely mortified when he introduced himself and she found out that she'd been making google eyes at Edward's father. Thank goodness Dr. Carlisle came in right _after_ her muttering about biting and hand holding 'cause then she might have died from embarrassment and I'd be without a fellow victim in all this looniness.

I laughed so hard at Bella I literally peed my pants. _Very nice to have a white witch to clean up after you Alice, huh? _ A flick of her magic hand and I was dry and in a fabulous set of pink Victoria Secret's polka dotted pajamas with my initial embroidered on the front shirt. I was wearing matching pink bunny slippers! Ang definitely knows the way to my heart. Bella got a matching violet set, Rose got a rose set (yeah, I know), and Ang got a sunny yellow set.

We girls vowed, of course, to keep Bella's dirty mumbling and my inability to control my bladder to ourselves as a secret we'd take to the grave.

This would be work mind you, if you don't have a mind reader stalker in love with one of the members of the pact. I am sure that Edturd already knew all about our hijinks well before we even made the promises to each other. Note to self: _Persuade_ Edturd not to tell Emmett or Jasper. Promise him more of Bella's undergarments if he complies.

I sighed. Last night was fun, but I was still left with the same dilemma today.

I sat up and brought my pillow under my chin and stared blankly at Ang's big screen TV, hoping to distill an answer from it.

About Jasper. I still don't know... I am still really torn because I am still freaked about how we met and all. And about what happened with Edward…

But I think I am ready to give him a chance. You know, talk to him.

No promises or anything. We'll see.

"Oh, Edward, bite my thigh," moaned Bella next to me on the bed. She was nestled in between me and Ang. Rose must have disappeared sometime during the night 'cause it was just the three of us on the bed. She probably went back to her "monkey man". Uh, I don't know if I could ever look at Emmett the same way after hearing his wife brag about all his talents.

"Harder." Bella demanded, and she turned over and started snuggling into my side. "Edward, you have the longest… fingers."

_Yikes! It was def time to get out of bed. _

I needed to go into my dorm room this morning and talk to Dr. Carlisle about Jasper's prognosis. Somehow being tagged as Jasper's Chosen One meant I got to make his medical decisions. Since I didn't feel right about this, Edward and Rosalie would be there as well. I planned to haul Bella along, dragging her by the hair if I had to, for moral support. She and Edward were just going to have to figure out how to be in the same room. Hopefully, he wouldn't bite her. Of course, after hearing all about Bella's dreams last night, maybe she wanted him to. Hard.

I looked out the window and stared up at a bird wheeling around in the sky, without a care in the world and completely free to pack up and leave. Neither of which I felt right now.

There were three things that I knew to be absolute truths:

(1) Jasper, and apparently everyone else, thought I was his mate and maybe there was a chance I was,

(2) I was fascinated with this new world I had been introduced to, and

(3) I felt a definite pull towards Jasper but I didn't know if it was real or part of his incubus power.

I knew that I owed it to myself to find out.


	10. Chapter 10

_Here I was again_. Standing outside my 4th floor dorm room wondering if I wanted to enter into the rabbit's hole again. My name may be Alice but I lacked the long blond hair, head band, blue dress, Mary Jane shoes, white pinafore, and opaque white hose. Instead of a white rabbit, I was following the amorphous promise of…

_Of what? _

_True love?_ No, that had never been promised to me. _A wonderful life?_ Nope. _A happy ending._ Nah.

A mate, I guess, is that best I can come with. The promise that Jasper is my other half.

What does it say about me that my other half is a soul sucking monster?

I looked behind me and had to laugh at my posse, who I had dragged along for support.

Ang, Rose, and Bella were standing behind me. A witch, a succubus, and my best friend. The latter who looked like she wanted to hurl all over the place.

Unfortunately, she wasn't so-nervous-that-she-was-making-herself-sick on my behalf. Instead, she was loony because of a certain vampire who was lying in wait for us in the room within.

_I'm sure you're loving this, sucker!_ I thought, trying to project the words at him.

I head a laugh in response from within the room. I guess the message was received.

The door opened without my having to decide whether to knock or not and Carlisle greeted us and beckoned us inside.

_Pop quiz, asshole: Are you going to enter into a room full of monsters or you gonna high tail it out of town, away from this fantastical shit? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do?_

I entered.

Jasper still lay on my bed, still dressed and still wearing the same freakin' goofy smile. At his side was Carlisle. Edward sat at the foot of my bed and Emmett lounged on my desk chair. A huge grin spread across his cheeks at our (or was it Rose's?) arrival.

There were a couple of moments of confusion as we girls tried to figure out where to go and whether we should sit, stand, or dance the turkey polka. Rose led the way and sat on Emmett's lap. Bella scurried over to her desk chair, Edward tracking her every move with hungry eyes.

This left me, gripping Ang's hand tightly, to sit on Bella's bed across from sleeping beauty or the comatose good looking loony toons stalker guy; however you prefer to think of him. I sat down and my knees just about bumped up against Edward's. He shifted to his left to get away from any physical contact between the two of us. Carlisle was boxed in between the beds and he stood there, awkwardly hovering over us.

_Ok, a dorm room might not be the right place to hold a group meeting_. I was feeling claustrophobic. But, hell, where could I take this bunch? It's not like we could mosey down to the campus Starbuck's for our conversation.

Inspiration struck. And, yes, you should be afraid.

I heard Edward groaning at my thoughts. The killjoy. _If you get handle the heat, vamp, get out of the damn kitchen._

"Bella?" I asked. "Isn't James away at a baseball game this weekend?"

Bella shot me a look that could kill.

I glanced away from her glare to Edward, and he too did not look pleased. He looked like he was in pain and I wondered if fake blood made vamps constipated. Or maybe his shoes are just too tight. I almost giggled when I heard him growl at my thoughts.

"Yes," Bella responded through clenched teeth to my question. The girl was _so_ not happy with me right now.

"Well, he lives alone, right? And you do have a key to his place," I pointed out, shooting her my puppy dog eyes. Note: your best friend is pretty much immune to your hang dog look but it never hurts to try. "We're super cramped here. And if we went to James's you could be physically father away from Edward."

Yeah, I said it. Edward slumped, Bella buried her face in her hands, Rose snorted, and Emmett howled with laughter. I didn't dare turn to look at Carlisle. Ang thankfully did not turn me into a frog but she sure can pinch. My side. Hard.

Owwwww!

"Please, please, please," I begged, rubbing my side. I would be bruised tomorrow.

"Look, Bella obviously doesn't like the idea," stated Edward, standing. "We can go to my place inste…"

"I'll do it," shouted Bella. She jumped up off the bed. "Let's go, I've got the key to James' apartment in my pocket."

I wish I could say there was a sign or something to notify us weirdness was going to happen. But without any warning AT ALL we were suddenly in James' apartment and I was feeling really queasy from being transported instantaneously through space and time to another location.

"Jeez Ang," I complained. "Give a girl a warning before you pull that kind of shit!"

My complaint was seconded by pretty much everyone around.

"Sorry you all," Ang said sheepishly. "I forget that you all don't normally travel that way. I just don't want another delay—the suspense is killing me. Let's get this over already, okay?"

We all grumbled as we got ourselves acquainted to and then situated in James' apartment.

He had a fairly upscale place, and his dining room, living room, and kitchen formed one great room. Bella darted to the kitchen and placed herself behind the kitchen island on a bar stool.

Edward moved to follow her but Carlisle intervened and ordered Edward to sit on the black leather lazy chair in the living room, at the opposite end of the apartment. On a matching black leather couch by Edward's chair lay my comatose soul sucking other half with his goofy grin. Ang, Carlisle, Emmett, Rose, and I sat around the five person dining room table, also black. I was seeing at theme in the décor.

"Edward, I thought you said that this James guy was human?" asked Carlisle, sniffing the air.

_Oh shit._

"What?" shrieked Bella from the kitchen. "James is a human. It all smells human. Except for you guys… I mean Others. Maybe you're just smelling yourselves."

"No," replied Carlisle calmly. "I smell the very strong, distinct odor of werewolf."

"It has to be someone else," Bella said desperately. "Maybe a guest or a cleaning lady or something was in here."

"No, Bella," replied Rose with a fairly sympathetic expression. "I smell it as well and it is too pervasive to be someone who doesn't live here permanently."

"Maybe James is living with someone you don't know about!" I exclaimed.

"You mean like another girl?" Bella practically shrieked.

Yeah, Bella wasn't thrilled about that possibility either. Another instance of me thinking before I speak.

"No, it's a male scent," replied Carlisle.

"You know, I don't recognize the scent," grumbled Emmett. "He is definitely not in the Sigma Ka's. This is an unknown Other."

"Maybe this Other is just here to get a college education," suggested Angela. "It's just a coincidence that this university was chosen for the Happenings. If he's just getting a college education then he doesn't have to enroll in the Happenings."

"Yeah, I bet he's here to sow his wild oats before he settles down and looks for his mate," Emmett wagged his eyebrows.

Bella shrieked and I ran over to calm her down.

Rosalie punched Emmett in the shoulder.

"Damn," was all Emmett said and he rubbed the spot she'd hit.

"Quiet," Carlisle ordered and we all shut up. "We need to be calm around Jasper right now and I need to discuss his prognosis with Alice, who wants all of you in the room. However, if any of you can't control your emotions I will be forced to expel you from this apartment."

I felt Bella start to say something and I stomped on her foot. She was so not leaving me. I wrapped my arms around and squeezed an apology. I needed her with me. I guess she understood because she wrapped her arms around me. She took a deep breath and I knew that meant she would try to keep in control for me.

"Ok," I sighed. "I'm ready. What is wrong with Jasper?"

"Nothing's wrong with Jasper, per se," Carlisle replied. He ran a hand through his hair—I guess I knew where Edward had picked up that habit.

"Shouldn't he be awake by now?" asked Rose worriedly.

"Jasper is not conscious but on some level, probably subconsciously, he has chosen to remain in his current state."

"Why?" I asked.

"Has anyone explained to you what incubi face before they are mated?" Carlisle asked me.

"Yeah, Rose told me about the hunger and how an incubus is filled when he is mated to his Chosen One."

"Jasper has been miserable for the last millennium," stated Carlisle gravely. "He has survived without a mate longer than pretty much any other incubi I know. And he has refused to completely consume a human for almost that entire time."

_Anyone else here uncomfortable with that almost?_

"My brother is incredible," said Rose. "So why is he in a coma when he's finally found his mate and he can be completely satisfied?"

_Yep, that's me: a lip smacking big mac, large fries, and chocolate milkshake. Jeez, I have no idea why I keep having these inappropriate thoughts. _

_No comment necessary, Edward. _

"I have consulted with Edward, who has been scanning Jasper's dreams, and with some of the incubi elders," Carlisle continued. "We believe that Jasper reached such a high level of happiness, a climax if you will, when he coupled with Alice that he is perfectly content and he doesn't want to wake up and risk losing this feeling."

Emmett burst out laughing. "Dude, we all feel a high level of enjoyment when we climax!" We all ignored him. Even Rose didn't bother to wop him one this time. He huffed, folded his arms across his chest, and sulked.

"Jasper hasn't been happy the entire time I've known him." added Edward. "He's kept going because he felt his purpose was to keep mankind from imploding on itself. He's been involved in so many battles and seen some really horrific stuff."

"Can he survive this way?" asked a visibly worried Rose. "Is he going to starve to death if he's not awake?"

"I don't believe so," replied Carlisle. "As long as he has close contact with his mate, I believe he can survive in this state pretty much indefinitely."

"So I get to use him as paper weight?" I asked incredulously. "I just get to travel around with this corpse for the rest of my life?"

I ran over to Jasper and started shaking him. "Wake up, you fool! I am not going to be stuck in a one-sided relationship for the rest of my life." I felt tears welling up in the side of my eyes.

Jasper didn't flinch. He was still smiling.

I leaned down and gave him a big smooch, prying open his mouth and thrusting my tongue around. Nothing. _Disney happing endings could kiss my ass._

Fuck.

"We've tried all that, sprite," Edward said, running his hands through his hair.

_Really? _I sat up straighter and looked at Edward with wide eyes.

"No, you weirdo." said a clearly exasperated Edward, "I did not try to awaken him with a kiss."

_That's a relief… Hmmmm…. _Edward started banging his head with his hand. _Woops. Sorry._

"I want my brother," cried Rose. "It is unacceptable that he's never going to wake up."

"Shhh…Calm the adolescent dramatics down," said a clearly exasperated Carlisle. "I never said he'd be in this state forever. We just have to figure out what will wake him."

"What about something really sad or violent?" asked Ang, flexing her hand as if she was ready to order up both emotions at any second. "You know, something to sadden him and make him unhappy."

"I don't believe that will work," said Carlisle. "Those are exactly the emotions that Jasper has formed a cocoon of positive feelings to ward against."

"Has he moved at all or reacted to any sort of stimuli since he went into this coma?" asked Rose.

Carlisle shook his head no.

"Yes," I admitted to the group, "He moved when he thought I was going to leave and not return. And then he moved again when he was jealous of Edward and me."

Thud.

I looked down at the bowl of fruit that had been on the kitchen counter by Bella's elbow and was now on the floor. Should we pick it up? There rolls a grape under the refrigerator.

Suddenly, just like in _Bewitched_, the fruit and bowl flew back through the air and landed back on the counter. _Ok, I am chaining Ang to me and taking her EVERYWHERE_.

"Ok, I am going to leave," I threatened. "Jasper if you don't wake up then I am never coming back."

We all looked at the loony toon. Nothing.

"He doesn't believe you," announced Edward. "He can feel your emotions and knows you are bluffing."

"I am not!"

"Apparently, he thinks so. He believes that you have committed to him"

"Delusional freak."

"Children," Carlisle interrupted again. "That leaves us with jealousy as an option."

"Well, he didn't wake up or anything when I had some inappropriate thoughts about Edward feeling me up," I smiled sweetly as I told this to Edward's father.

"But he reacted, correct?" asked Carlisle, appearing undisturbed about me having fantasies about his son.

"Yeah, he moved around like crazy—it was almost like he was having a seizure," I replied.

"Excellent, it sounds as if he was trying to wake up!" said Carlisle enthusiastically.

"But he didn't wake up," I ground out through clenched teeth.

"Wait, how could Alice be attracted to Edward if she is Jasper's mate?" asked Rose.

"Maybe Alice is not his mate," added Ang and I cringed. Although this was something she and I discussed, I hated having my doubts aired to everyone.

"She is absolutely Jasper's mate," Edward said emphatically.

"How the hell do you know?" asked Bella.

"Because Jasper knew that Alice was his mate six months ago and has been trying to figure things out ever since."

"What things?" I asked.

"Jasper was concerned he might hurt you," confessed Edward. "He followed you around to see if he could take your energy without hurting you. Experimenting with how much he could take. Never before has any incubi successfully... _mated _with a human."

"You mean sex, right?" I asked.

"Partly," he replied. "You and he shouldn't have been able to… do that. But an incubus drinks deeply from his mate once they are joined and Jasper was really concerned that it would be too much for a human. So he kept trying out bigger and bigger energy draws from you."

"I never realized that," I said, amazed at what my stalker had been doing. I looked around the apartment and realized everyone else was paying great attention to our conversation. Ang had proofed in a bowl of popcorn and she was absent mindedly eating it as she watched events unfold.

"Exactly," said Edward in response to my statement. "You never suffered fatigue or showed any signs of being drained. It was amazing and it gave Jasper the confidence to meet you in person."

"Hey, guys," interrupted Emmett. "Are we gonna try to make Jasper wake or not? I haven't had my second breakfast yet and I am starting to get really hungry."

"I really can't take him anywhere," Rose said with an apologetic shrug at Emmett's actions.

Ang waived her hand and suddenly there was a breakfast to rival an Embassy Suite's breakfast buffet on the dinner table. Emmett happily dug in.

_Funny, I wasn't hungry._

"I feel like I am repeating myself yet again. Read my lips: Jasper did NOT wake up when he was jealous." I stated succinctly.

"What were you doing to make him jealous?" asked Bella.

"I was imagining Edward nibbling my neck and about to grab my boobs."

"Alice!" exclaimed Edward.

"What?" I asked. "You know exactly what I was thinking. You were reading my mind."

Bella's eye brows lifted.

"Sprite, you and I were both feeling the affects of all the… uh… happiness that Jasper was feeling at the moment," stammered Edward. "I just didn't expect you to announce the details to everyone."

By everyone, I am sure he meant his father and Bella.

"So Alice isn't really attracted to Edward?" asked Ang before stuffing another handful of popcorn into her mouth.

I looked at the fake blood sucker and realized that although I could appreciate the aesthetics, I didn't want to jump his bones or anything.

"No, I am not." I was stunned.

"Here is my suggestion." said Carlisle as he gathered his things up. "I would suggest you do more to make Jasper jealous. He needs to be _really _jealous. And since I suspect my presence will hamper your efforts so I am off. I will check in again later this afternoon. Just remember, no fighting or any angst allowed in this room." I love how he looked at first Edward and then Bella when he said the last part.

Carlisle said his _adieus_ and left.

"So, Alice," asked Rose, "How are you going to make my big brother jealous?"

_Hmmmm….._


	11. Chapter 11

"Ok, you all, let's brain storm," I announced. I went to James' kitchen cabinets and searched until I found a couple of plates. I handed one to Angela and Bella. Emmett already had a couple of plates in front of him. The rest of the inhabitants in the room didn't masticate actual food; they lived off of other things.

I went near the buffet of food that Emmett had actually made a good dent in already. He growled between gulps at me when I reached for a piece of bacon.

"Behave, or I'll turn you into a pillow," threatened Ang. Emmett actually blanched and turned pale. He murmured a "yes, ma'am" and excused himself to use the facilities.

"What the heck was that about?" questioned Bella.

"Remind me to show you the list of rules for Others who live on this campus," laughed Rosalie. "Angela is our enforcer and beings who break a rule tend to end up being transformed into pillows. She has them all stacked up in her room."

"Ohmygod!" Bella and I said, pretty much simultaneously. I was so stunned/ freaked out I didn't even think about pinch poking her and telling her she owed me a coke.

"You mean the pillows we always lay on?" asked Bella, I heard the hysterical note in her voice. "The ones we just had a pillow fight with?"

"You had a pillow fight?" squeaked Edward and he turned and looked at me. I concentrated on anything but our last pillow fight. _Maybe if I concencentrate on singing the ABC's or something. ABCDEFGHIJK…_

Edward turned away in disgust. _Did I just thwart the vampire? Awesome!_

"We didn't hurt anyone," Angela reassured Bella. "I tell people that those pillows are bad Others but in actuality we normally just expel Others who break the rules."

"Thank god," sighed Bella. "Because you know what a klutz I am. I accidentally ripped one and some of the stuffing came out."

"It wasn't the green, was it?" asked Ang in a hushed tone.

Bella turned positively green herself. "Uh, yeah. It might have been."

Ang and Rose burst out laughing. "Seriously, Bella I don't have any beings-turned-pillows in my room."

"Just don't tell Emmett that," giggled Rose. "It's the only way I can keep him and his frat charges under control."

"Don't tell Emmett what?" he asked as he strolled out of James' bedroom.

"Ang, you are the evil, wicked witch of the west!" declared Bella, angrily, still clearly perturbed at being the butt of Ang's joke.

"Shhhh…." Emmett frantically gestured to Bella. He whispered to her, "You've got to be nice to the witch or she'll turn you into a pillow."

Everyone but Emmett and Jasper (including Bella) busted out laughing. We were laughing so hard that Emmett joined in, bellowing like a deranged buffoon even though he was clueless. Which led to more laughter until I had eyes streaming down my face.

After all the earlier tension, I suddenly felt at ease. And I felt the bonds of friendship starting between all of us in the room, making me feel connected to them

We food eaters sat down at the table and dug into the food. Magically, it was still warm and delish.

"Why don't you just jump Eddie's bones here?" asked Emmett between mouthfuls.

"Emmett!" exclaimed Edward. _Damn, he sounds absolutely Victorian. _

"Edward," I scolded. "We're brainstorming. Let me lay out the rules of brainstorming. Rule Number One: all ideas welcome. Rule Number Two: no criticizing or nay saying any ideas."

"You sound just like Jasper," said Rose.

"Huh?"

"Jazz loves rules and rulemaking. If you ever play a board game with him, he will first read the game's rules—out loud—and then play the entire game exactly as the rules are written."

"Even monopoly?"

"Especially monopoly," replied Edward with a smirk.

"Wow," I was stunned. _Who didn't cheat at monopoly? It boggles the mind._

_Big surprise here, but I generally am a rule breaker. _

"So Eddie, why can't Alice here give you a big sloppy kiss to wake up our sleeping beauty?" Rose asked.

"Ugghhhh!" I shuddered. "Sorry, _Eddie_, but you just don't do it for me anymore. I can't even imagine it."

"It's Edward," said the vamp with a sigh. "Of course, you can't imagine it. You're mated to Jasper. It would unnatural if you were attracted to me. Last time was an aberration due to Jasper's recent… hormonal high. Incubi can actually manipulate another being's emotions and I got in the line of fire. Jasper was trying to _just_ get Alice all hot and bothered."

"So are you attracted to me?" asked Emmett. He then burped. Loudly.

_Smack._

"Babe," Emmett told his wife, pleadingly. "This is for Jasper. I'll take one for the team if I have to. But only because I love you so much."

Rose snorted and crossed her arms.

"No offense," I told Emmett. "But if Jasper and I _are _mates then essentially you and I are family. And Rose is like my sister. Let's not do anything that will make the next million family reunions awkward."

"Plus," Ang added. "You and Rose are joined. You'd be breaking a serious Others' rule if you and Bella…. Uh…did _anything._"

"Ok," said Bella. "So the only guy here who isn't joined with anyone is Edward, right?"

"But I am mated!" declared Edward, scowling at Bella.

_Way to woo your lady, fang-breath! _I thought at him. His scowl immediately changed into a brilliant smile. Bella blushed.

"Well," said Ang. "Technically, Edward, there are two other people who aren't joined either. Bella, and I haven't been bound to anyone yet."

There was a moment of silence ended by a "Thank you, goddess!" from Emmett.

_Smack._

"Babe. What? Tell me you don't think that's just hot. Alice and Bella or Alice and Angela. Or Alice, Bella, and Angela."

_Smack._

"So Ang is the only single gal here," Rose pointed out. "She's not mated to anyone."

Ang sighed. "Not exactly. I have found my mate but he doesn't know yet."

"What?" shrieked Rosalie. Loudly. We all looked stunned at this news, including the fairly omniscient Edward.

Before anyone else could form a sentence or begin the interrogation, the witch exclaimed, "Darn, I hear my cauldron burning." She disappeared.

"That little wand flicker!" exclaimed Rose. "I can't believe she didn't tell me! I'm gonna take those pillows of hers and stuff them where the sun don't shine."

"So now that just leaves either Edward or Bella," smirked Emmett.

I was getting impatient with this whole process so I stalked towards Bella. She started backing away so I had to grab her by the ears, and pull her down to my level. I planted a big smooch smack dab on her kisser.

I turned to look at Jasper. Nada, not a twitch. Bella was sputtering, which was her mistake. If you don't want to be frenched, don't give anyone easy access to your tongue, right?

So I stuck my tongue in her mouth. She tasted like syrup and bacon, which was a total plus. I like syrup and bacon. She smelled like freesia and strawberries Another plus. Her lips were soft and she didn't bite. Plus.

However, I totally wasn't feeling the kiss. I tried humming the tune from Tatu's "All the Things She Said" while I swished my tongue around.

No spark, not nothing. I guess I just don't swing that way. Damn. And by the lack of seizure sounds coming from Jasper's direction he can tell I am not into it. Or he, like most males, enjoys his female kissing another female.

But then I did hear a growl coming from the opposite direction.

I looked up and there was Edward growling, his eyes glowing red. He was glaring at me and looked like he wanted to pull my head off my shoulders.

Bella pushed me out of the way. "No! Don't dare growl at my best friend, Edward Cullen. Just because you've _suddenly_ decided you are my mate does not give you the right to decide who I kiss."

_Suddenly? Had Bella and Edward known each other before all this craziness?_

"Suddenly?" echoed Edward my thought out loud. "What do you mean? I've never met you before." His eyes cleared from bright, blood red. Now his irises were just pitch black.

"Don't you play dumb with me, Dr. Masen!" yelled Bella.

Edward ran his hands through his hair, clearly confused.

Now I wish I could poof popcorn like Ang and snack while watching the drama unfold. _Days of Our Angsty Vampire_ or something.

_Drama._ Ouch! Jasper's not supposed to be around drama and right now we had enough to put 90210 to shame.

"Not the place to have this scene, guys!" I chided them. "Save the drama for your mama 'cause Jasper needs to be around calm people."

Bella huffed, crossed her arms, and turned her back on us.

Edward let out another growl, streaked across the floor and scooped up Bella in his arms and practically flew out the door.

_And then there were three… _Well, three if you didn't count the smiling doorstop, which I didn't.

"Shit!" Emmett said.

_Smack!_

"Sorry, babe," he said, rubbing the back of his head. "I'm gonna go after them to make sure everything's ok. You know the old vamp saying, _Bite in haste, repent FOREVER."_

"Fine," sighed Rose. Emmett left and she and I were left alone sitting at the dining room table, in an empty apartment that didn't belong to either of us.

_A-W-K-W-A-R-D!!!_

"Should I be worried about Bella?" I asked.

"Only if she is danger of being talked to death," Rose replied. "Edward is one of these noble types that wants to profess his feelings and be chivalrous to the girl. I can just see it taking months before he works up the courage to hold her hand. I mean he is the oldest virgin I know."

_Wow. That might have been TMI. _

"Plus, Emmett is a pro at keeping his frat brothers in check. He'll make sure Eddie doesn't do something he'll regret later."

_Ok, now I'm really worried. Emmett is the voice of reason. I need a distraction. Change subject. What to talk about with Rose Hale? Not very much in common, although I like Emmett well enough._

"So…. you hit Emmett a lot, huh?" I asked, again letting the diarrhea that were my thoughts just dribble out of my mouth without a filter.

"Puhleeeezzee!" responded Rose, not appearing offended that I'd just accused her of domestic violence. "Emmett's head is so hard those smacks feel like little love taps. He just likes to ham it up. But Mattithe demons are pretty indestructible."

"Uh-huh." And I tried to quietly scoot my chair further from her. There was _no way_ I was gonna try to make Jasper jealous using her.

"So what should we do?" asked Rose.

"Wanna watch some TV and raid James' refrigerator? I bet you he has some booze somewhere," I suggested.

"Alice, it's like 10 o'clock in the morning!"

"Your point? I'm a junior in college spending my morning breaking and entering with a soul sucking future sister-in-law."

"True," conceded Rose. "I'm up for a little daytime TV but I don't drink."

My turn to be shocked.

"Alice, I consume people's emotions, remember?"

_But a life without booze. That's just tragic. I bet you she can't eat chocolate either. _

"What should we watch?" Rose was flipping through the channels using the TV remote.

"I think Rachel Ray is on," I gushed, skipping over to the refrigerator and opening the door. Nope, nada. I opened the freezer door and—SCORE--a bottle of grey goose vodka, which should go great with the OJ I just saw.

I started making a screwdriver when I heard a familiar jingle come on the TV. I shrieked happily. "Yeah, Rache is on. She's my favorite!"

"Why does that not surprise me?" Rose asked, arching a perfectly manicured eyebrow.

So Rose and I lounged on James' living room furniture, excluding the long couch Jasper was hogging. We had a great time watching daytime programming's best. Oprah is so wise. And, slowly, somehow the day grew longer and the amount of liquid in the vodka bottle grew smaller.

I was having a blast! Rose has a really sharp tongue and I enjoyed her commentary. And getting a boatload of Vitamin C as well. _Yummy!_

I managed to scrounge up lots of yummy snack food, leaving food wrappers all over the place. Note to self: get Ang's witchy ass over here to magically clean up.

_Will do once I can remember her phone number. Head's a bit cloudy._

"I'm going out," announced Rose. She rose and shoved off a mountain of food wrappers.

_Oops._

"I'm going to find those lug nuts and drag them all back here!"

"K," I agreed. I was incapable of 2 syllables just then.

And then there was one.

I stood up and staggered over to my sleeping beauty. _Wow, the room is like totally spinning._

I was about to close my eyes when I heard the front door open again.

I struggled to sit up to see which of my friends had returned to help me make Jasper jealous.

"Alice!" thundered a voice, clearly upset with me.

"Hi, James!" I greeted him brightly. "Welcome home!"

"Alice, why the hell are you in my apartment?" he thundered, scowling fiercely. "Why the fuck does it smell like fucking vampi… I mean… who the hell has been in my place? Who left this mess?"

I burst out laughing. Didn't he wound like Papa Bear in _Goldilocks and the Three Bears_?

"James," I said, struggling to get up. "James, my friend." I worked my way over to him. "Don't worry about the mess. I've got a witch who will poof it all awaysss…." I tried to snap my fingers to demonstrate how quickly Ang could clean up the mess but I couldn't get my thumb and middle finger to meet. I kept trying.

I felt strong arms encircle me. _Wow, James really is getting into the program._

Unfortunately, instead of busting a move on me, James escorted me to the dining room table and sat me down. He hunched in front of me and looked deeply into my eyes.

Man, up close, I could totally see why Bella was dating him. He had a strong jaw, beautiful grey eyes with yellow flecks in them, and a wide, friendly smile. He'd recently chopped off his hair (which had been this total bleach blond shoulder length mess) and he now sported a sporty crew cut. 100% improvement. And I am happy to say James cut his hair at _my_ suggestion.

Even looking smoking hot, I totally wasn't into him. Not even a spark.

"Man, Alice," James huffed. "You are _so_ wasted." He propped me up against the dining room table so I wouldn't fall off my chair. He then went into the kitchen and poured me a glass of H2O.

On the way back, he stopped mid stride. "Alice, why is Jasper Hale laying down on my couch grinning and not moving? What the hell kind of freaky shit are you up to, woman?"

James went up to Jasper and shook him. "What the hell, man. Your eyes are open and I know you're awake. Get the fuck up."

Suddenly Jasper's hand shot up and punched James in the chest. James flew across the room and crashed into the floor. The glass of H2O shattered, leaving a clear mess of liquid and glass. _Darn, where's that damn witch when you need her!_

"Jasper!" I shrieked, loudly. I stood up and stumbled away from the table, getting entangled briefly with my chair. "Are you findly wakey up?" _Ok, so I'm not especially verbal when I am drunk._

_Bite me._

_OK, Edward, I take that back if you're listening. Go suck on a bottle of stale blood. _

I managed to stumble up to Jasper and realized that, with the exception of his arm dangling off the couch, he'd not moved at all.

I sighed, gave sleeping beauty a sloppy kiss, and right before I passed out wondered when James had gotten a big blonde dog.


	12. Chapter 12

I woke to the confusing scents of two decidedly opposite smells: the warm, yummy, rich smell of hot coffee in the vicinity and this weird, sour odor. I wasn't sure that I wanted to open my eyes and discover what the source of the latter smell was, but the coffee's call was just too tempting to let go unanswered.

So I opened my eyes and groaned. _Oh, fucking hell, my head hurt…. Shhhh…. You're thinking too loud._

I just lay there, staring at the ceiling, def not feeling like my normal, chipper self. I saw a cup of coffee grasped in a masculine looking hand float over my vision range. Like a zombie, I reached for the cup of joe.

"Good, you're awake," said a deep male voice belonging to my friend and Bella's boyfriend, James Bellflower.

"What's going on?" I asked through a parched throat that felt as if someone had first taken a cheese grater to it and then stuffed down a ton of cotton balls. I took a sip of the hot coffee and it instantly soothed my throat. _Ahh, nirvana. _

The world and its inhabitants can only hope James remembered to give me DE-caf coffee. I really shudder to think of a hung over Alice on caffeination overload.

"I was actually about to ask you that," said James. "I showed up here at my apartment to find you three sheets to the wind with a grinning catatonic moron on my couch."

I tried to push past the pounding headache in my head to remember what had happened last night.

"You're an Other, right? A werewolf?"

James chuckled, extended a hand to pat my knee, but stopped and quickly returned his hand to his side. I looked down and realized I was covered in this morning's breakfast. Regurgitated food, very appetizing, but at least it explained the sour smell.

"Yeah, I called Bella when I found you here and she explained just about everything," said James. "But it is totally weird to hear you talking about Others and stuff."

_Had Bella told James about Edward?_ I stared into his beautiful blue eyes. When Bella had first met James he'd looked like this total California bum, surf boarder wash out. He'd cut his shoulder length peroxide blond hair to a sporty crew cut and truly transformed into a certifiable hottie. And even better, the haircut had been my idea!

After the success with the hair cut, James had allowed me to take him shopping. I'd helped him pick out a whole new wardrobe that had gotten him a lot of feminine attention, including that of my roommate. Even better, he'd been instrumental in getting me my weekly PAID column in our campus daily newspaper, entitled "Ask Alice". I got money to tell people what not where. How fucking cool was that?

James must have read the question on my face or and, I truly hope this wasn't the case, was able to read minds like Edward could. Then he'd know I thought he was a bit of a douche. He was really self centered and cocky, I'd like him _a lot _better before he started dating Bella and taking advantage of her sweet nature. Oh, don't get me started.

"Yeah, I know that Bella is Edward Cullen's mate and I think that is awesome."

I raised an eyebrow in disbelief and then seriously regretted the non-essential facial movement.

"What? Bella and I both knew that we were just dating and that we weren't going to get serious or anything. It's all good."

I bit my tongue. _I will allow James' his pride, since I did B&E into his place._

"So anyway, Bella totally told me about your situation with Jasper Hale. It is super weird that he's your mate 'cause I mean he's a legend for us Others. He's the oldest guy around to not have ever found his Chosen One and we all figured she'd just bit the dust or something before he could find her. And then I heard he and Cullen were having a thing."

_Man, I couldn't wait to ask Edward about that one…_

"So you really are a werewolf?" I asked him, taking another gulp of coffee.

"Yep," he replied. "And you need to tell your other half, if he ever wakes up, that it is never smart to strike a werewolf. When we're really pissed we change into our other form and the wolf takes over."

"So you're Air Bud!" I said as excitedly as I could with a queasy stomach and throbbing temples. _I had seen a golden hair dog._

"I am a wolf," said James through clenched teeth. "Not a gold retriever."

"Oh, sorry," I said, pretending to look properly chastised. _I mean, puh-leaze, who's ever heard of a golden wolf? _I couldn't hold back my smirk any longer.

"Yeah, and I almost ripped your soul mate a new one for punching me into the wall," he said. "I was so shocked I just automatically changed into a wolf and he was out for blood."

_My heart stopped. _James gave me his own smirk, now that mine had vanished. _Jasper had been completely defenseless in his coma. And I hadn't been much better passed out on top of him._

"I was just about to pounce and rip his throat out when you threw up on me! God, the smell was so horrible that I was able to focus and wrestle control back from the wolf. _Lucky _thing for both of you, huh?"

I looked down again at the dried vomit that covered my body. _Yeah, lucky me._

"So, anyway, you still smell like shi…I mean, uh, you still smell. Do you think you could shower off. I have extra sensitive senses, and this smell is driving me bat shit."

_See, he's a douche._

"I left some clean towels and a new tooth brush in my bathroom for you to use."

_Wow, that was actually really thoughtful of James. And fairly out of character. I wonder if Bella had coached him over the phone. _I sent him a grateful smile andheaded towards the bathroom.

I shut and locked the door. I felt a little twinge of uneasiness about leaving Jasper alone and unprotected with James, but I shook off the feeling. Jasper had proven, even in a coma, that he could defend himself against an attack.

I saw the unopened toothbrush package on the sink counter and I ripped it open. _Goodbye fuzziness on my dentals. _Almost giggling in anticipation, I lathered the bristles with a mountain of toothpaste. I needed a clean mouth _now._

_Ahhhhhh heaven_, I thought as I tasted the toothpaste. I scrubbed my teeth, tongue, and pretty much every other cranny of my mouth that I could reach.

A clean, fresh mouth was the first step in my road to not feeling like a hung-over bum. Next step: shower.

I shrugged out of my clothing as fast as possible. Standing butt naked in James' bathroom, I felt another twinge of uneasiness. What was I going to wear _after _shower?

I looked at the pile of dirty clothing puddled on the floor and grimaced. I did _not_ want to put those on after I got nice and clean. _Eau de vomit _was not my cup of tea.

But my head was pounding and the prospect of cleanliness was definitely beckoning. I could almost hear the tacky black shower curtain calling my name and begging me to enter.

So I jumped in and shrieked. Friggin' cold. I quickly readjusted the temp to almost scalding. Perfect.

I saw that for a guy, James had an amazing assortment of shampoos, conditioners, and body washes to choose from. He'd totally morphed into a metro. I had a total blast opening up each bottle and sampling their scent.

Finally, I settled on a sandalwood scented line of products. I knew I'd smell like a church but at least I wouldn't smell like either an Irishman or a pirate.

I had pretty much finished scrubbing down and rinsing when the shower curtain was ripped aside. There stood a naked James.

An obviously aroused naked James. He reached over and turned off the shower.

"What the fuck James?!?" I screamed at him. "Get the hell out of here."

He acted as if he didn't hear me and reached for me. _I was not going to be a victim. _I started grabbing bottles and hurling them at him. He didn't even flinch.

I opened my mouth and started screaming bloody murder, yelling fire. _I'd read somewhere that people are more likely to respond to screams of fire than of help._

James clamped a hand over my mouth and pulled me closer with his other arm, trapping my arms to my sides. I gagged on the rising nausea as he rubbed himself against me.

"Shhh… Alice, I'm just here to help out your little problem."

I tried to shake my head, but his hand had me trapped. I bit his hand but he didn't react at all, and my teeth didn't break his flesh. I started moaning and trying to scream, and I brought my knee up in between his legs.

Unfortunately, he must have been anticipating this, because he moved to avoid the kick and took advantage of the movement, to slip his thigh between mine.

"Come one, sweetheart," crooned James. "Let's just have a little fun."

He started nibbling on my neck. I tried to head bang him and he just laughed, biting and sucking harder. I am sure I'd end up with a hickey.

He continued rubbing himself against me and I shuddered. He laughed. He abruptly took his hand away from my mouth and I started screaming again. He covered my mouth with his own, and ground it against mine.

I actually got an image from the movie _Alien_, where the smaller creature come out of the big creature's mouth and tries to bite Ripley. That is how violent his kiss was—he was biting my lips and tongue. God, I was sucking at being Ripley: I just needed to figure out how to kick James' ass somehow.

I let my body relax and I zoned out for a bit, letting James grope me up. His grip loosened as he started to pay particular attention to my breasts. _Come on, girls, I know your small but you're gonna have to be my Mata Hari's._

Taking advantage of the distraction, I reached down quickly, grabbed James' balls in my right hand, and squeezed for all that I was worth.

Turns out werewolf males don't like their testicles squeezed, just like any other guy. _Imagine that?_

James squealed and collapsed to his knees and then to his side. I held onto his balls for all I was worth. I knew that if I let go I was in trouble.

"Alice," James said between squeals of pain. "I am just trying to give you what that grinning, retard douche bag can't."

I squeezed harder.

I felt a slight tremor in the air and I saw blond hair start to cover James' body.

_Fuck, he's starting to change into a werewolf. I am so dead._

"Oh, I think I can handle Alice just fine, asshole," said a smooth velvety voice from behind me. I was suddenly melting like crazy inside. I felt two arms grab me by the shoulders and tug me back. I was too dazed to think about movement so I kept my grip locked where it was and I inadvertently gave one last, mighty tug before I was forced to let go.

James howled in pain and suddenly there was a snarling blonde wolf in front of us.

Jasper threw me out of the bathroom into the living room and I landed on my ass, temporarily dazed by the impact.

I heard lots of crashes and I stood back up to go and help my man. I looked in and realized that the noise was from Jasper pounding the wolf repeatedly into the shower tile. He was smashing all the pretty black granite to bits.

Suddenly a movement breezed path me and there was Edward and Emmett ripping the two apart.

Jasper tried to take a swing at Emmett and the Mattithe demon changed to his green bald self and rapped his tentacles around Jasper, effectively immobilizing him.

Edward was crouched down beside James, who had reverted back to his naked human self and was clutching his center, in obvious pain.

"Relax, Jazz," Emmett said. "James was just going along with Bella's idea to get Alice to wake up. Right Edward?"

_I was going to skin my ex best friend. Alive. Or at least pick the next forty movies we're watching. It is going to be soppy love stories and slasher horrors for the rest of the damn year._

Edward was staring at James hard. "The fucking bastard enjoyed scaring the shit out of Sprite," he growled. James looked up at him, guiltily, and Edward pulled back his fist and punched him. Once. James didn't move again.

"Is he?" asked Emmett, motioning at James' with one of his many tentacles.

"I wish," sighed Edward. "He has a freakin' glass jaw. I just knocked him out for a while."

"Alice," said Jasper. He was looking at me and struggling against Emmett's arms to get loose.

"Don't let him go," warned Edward. "The second he is free, he plans to… uh… he wants to …. uh.. he wants to make love with Alice."

_Yeah! _I did a little jig and the girls wiggled drawing three sets of eyes.

Then I realized that Jasper, Emmett, and Edward were all looking at me naked. I yelped, grabbed a towel and headed for James' bedroom.

I emerged five minutes later, knowing that no matter how hard I looked through the clothing options available, it wasn't going to get any better I'd decided to put on one of James' many t-shirts. I was so short compared to his 6 ½ foot fame that the shirt fell to my knees and was effectively a baggy, ugly dress. I'd stolen one of his belts and felt a vicious thrill punching a new hole in it so it could cinch around my waist. I would have felt a lot better if I could have poked a hole in James. I'd tried to roll the sleeves up but they kept unrolling and I felt like _Dopey_ from the Disney flick _Snow White. _

Entering the living room, I actually felt shy, a little apprehensive about seeing Jasper awake.

It seems that he had calmed down a bit, because he was sitting down on the couch without any restraint. The second I entered the room though, he stood up and just about ran to me. Almost as if he was being pulled by a magnet.

I felt the tug myself and met up with him. He lifted me up and we started kissing like lovers who had been apart for years, not just a couple of days.

"Jazz, do you really want to do this in James' place?" asked Emmett and I felt a tentacle come between us and take Jazz out of my arms. I tried to follow but Dickward came up and grabbed me.

_Fucking cockblockers._

Jasper growled. He looked up to the heavens and said something in some ancient tongue, possibly Greek. Before us appeared Angela.

She was clothed in just a sheet and she looked pissed until she spotted that it was Jasper who had called her. She smiled; obviously thrilled he wasn't still in a coma. She turned and saw me, lifting an eyebrow to question my clothing choice.

I mouthed to her, "I tell you later." I made a motion, to question her own clothing choice (or lack thereof) and she totally blushed, from head to toe. _That's interesting._

"Sorceress," Jasper said in a thunderous voice, "I bid a boon. Please transport my Chosen One and I to my apartment and I will pay your fee."

"Jazz, it's great to see you up and about," Angela said, giggling at little. "Since your Chosen One is one of my peeps I'll transfer you for free this time."

"Mercenary witches," Emmett muttered. He froze when Ang swung her gaze at him. "Uh, got to use the facilities." He let go of Jasper and ran out of the room.

Jasper ran over to me and scooped me up into his arms, taking my mouth into another deep kiss. I was surrounded by his smell, which along with being embraced by his strong arms and being assaulted by his talented mouth, was getting me really, really aroused.

Out of the corner of eye I saw Angela lift her hand and braced myself for the quantum leap or whatever. Right before we poofed away, I heard Edward scream, "Remember she's only human..."

_How insulting! _I'd just have to show Jasper I was as good as any Other mate.


	13. Chapter 13

We appeared in what looked like a bright, airy loft. Bright because I got the sensation of sunlight streaming through windows. Not because I could tell you the color of the walls, the theme of the décor, or if the place was furnished with anything but a bed.

Ang had thoughtfully plunked us down on a California King-size bed that I can only assume belonged to Jasper.

I didn't see the apartment or ask about the ownership of its belongings because I was too busy trying to consume Jasper. At least, that is what it felt like.

All I know is that I wanted to taste him. Bad.

We spent the first 20 minutes or so just kissing. First with me on top, straddling him and then we switched and I was underneath him, his arms framing my body, carrying his weight so I felt surrounded by him, not smushed.

Normally, I get bored after a minute of kissing and my mind starts to wander. I actually composed a _haiku_ while necking with my ex about the mole right below his left ear.

Not this kiss, though. I felt like I was Buttercup in the _Princess_ _Bride_ experiencing my one true kiss. I was fully engaged in the kiss, seeking out his tongue, sucking a lip between my teeth, tasting him… I did detour down his strong jaw to scrape my teeth against his five o'clock shadow, a dusting of dark blond hair.

And his taste. OMG. OMG. OMG. He tasted like a spicy, yet smooth, caramel—sort of like the first cold sip of Bailey's Irish Cream at the start of the holiday season. And, just like Bailey's, his taste made me feel warm all the way to my toes while making my head spin.

These weren't frantic kisses. Instead, we kissed deeply, slowly, as if we had all the time in the world to explore each other.

And the best part—although I would have thought this mando creepy with anyone else—we kept our eyes open the entire time. The last time I did this with a kiss, I was making out with Bella trying to make Jasper jealous. The time before I ended up with the mole _haiku_.

Jasper sent me messages with those dreamy green eyes of his: how glad he was that I was here with him, how precious I was, how much he truly enjoyed me sucking on his lower lip.

Jasper's mouth eventually left my lips and trailed kisses up the side of my face, giving me access to his neck as I breathed in his sent, which was spicy with a hint of a citrus smell. I turned my head and started planting kisses on the skin I could reach. I licked and he tensed, causing the tendons on his neck to actually stand out. Damn, but this guy was muscular.

He continued planting his own kisses, but began working his way down the other side of my face—pausing to kiss the tip of my nose--to my own neck. I groaned (loudly) in disappointment at losing his neck, which was now out of my reach.

Jasper's expression, which had been very serious and intense, was marred by the brief upturn of his lips. His amusement at my vocalized disappointment evident, but he continued his trip down, down 'til he was nibbling my collar bone, making the fire in my belly burn hotter and the parts between my legs hurt with the need for release.

I started rubbing my body up against his, but this was _definitely_ not enough. I wrapped my legs around his waist and started grinding up against him for all I was worth.

He bit my shoulder as a reprimand for my impatience then soothed the skin with a sweep of his tongue and I again groaned, incoherently pleading with him to help me with my need. He just calmly continued his kissing, now with an additional an occasional small nip, until he came to the top of my shirt, which he, of course, unfastened one button torturously at a time.

Since I'd been borrowing from James, I wore no undergarments. A fact Jasper took advantage of by pulling my shirt open wide once he'd gotten enough buttons undone and worshipping my breasts with his hands, mouth, and teeth.

I tried to do my own exploration but he grabbed my wandering hands in one of his oversized mitts (everything about the boy is huge) and pinned my hands above my head. He continued to stroke and massage my breasts gently, causing me to writhe as I was deliciously caught in his teasing trap.

His other hand continued unbuttoning my shirt and he laughed when he reached James' belt. He left the belt as is and completely unbuttoned my shirt. He let go of my hands and pulled my shirt off my shoulders. I shimmied out of it and pulled it free from the belt. Suddenly I was naked in front of Jasper with only a thin piece of leather around my waist.

He sat back on his heels and looked at me. I didn't feel shy or embarrassed under his intense gaze; instead it heated my desire more. And I arched my back to show off my feminine attributes (i.e. the girls and my booty) to their best advantage.

Jasper started murmuring something in something that sounded like Greek fervently, it almost sounded like a prayer. He stood up and quickly shed his clothing. Hallelujah! My own prayers had been answered.

Although I'd gotten to see Jasper naked a lot when he'd first gone into his coma, it seemed kind of creepy to lust after him in his prone state. Plus, although his body was DAMN fine, there was this vitality and energy practically humming underneath his skin that had been missing. Now, it made him so sexy my teeth hurt. Before he'd been a husk, and now I was getting the real thing.

He stood in front of me in the streaming sunlight, letting me get my fill of his beauty. Because he was beautiful, almost looking unworldly in his perfection. My own _David._ His skin was a golden color and there was not an inch of fat, instead he had broad shoulders, defined (but not too big) pectoral muscles, a well defined six pack, and a really, really long hard penis.

I zoned in on the penis. It was huge, bigger than anything I'd ever seen before. Thank goodness it was dark the last time Jasper and I did the deed or one look at that monster might have been a deal breaker. But I now knew it fit. Well. Warm wetness flowed down between my legs and I pressed them together even tighter to help with the ache.

Jasper grabbed my belt and pulled me over to him. He lifted me up so that my lips could reach his and he pulled my legs around his waist. His hands grabbed my ass and he started kneading my butt cheeks as his kisses became more intense.

And we fell. Down onto the bed, me on the bottom. One of Jasper's hands snaked down between us and he felt my wetness, making us both gasp. He used his fingers to roll and massage my clit, occasionally dipping into my wetness briefly, more to torture than to satisfy. He lifted his hand to his mouth and tasted me. He grinned, widely.

"I need get more of that honey," he said, his voice husky.

When his tongue touched my clit I fell apart, completely shattering into a million little pieces. He continued the assault with his mouth and I had a couple of more orgasms. One sweeter than the next.

I felt wrecked. Physically and emotionally. This was really intense.

I reached a shaky hand down to his penis and took it firmly in my hand.

"Careful, darlin'," he murmured. "I've seen what you can do with that hand and it ain't pretty."

I stroked him and used my other hand to cup and gently squeeze his balls. I giggled when I saw his eyeballs roll back into his eyes.

"Jasper?" I asked.

"Yes, baby," he replied between small little gasps.

"Why do you have a Texas accent if you're over 1100 years old? Shouldn't you sound Greek or something?"

"You're asking me this now?" he gasped and then moaned in pleasure as I twisted gently on my stroke up.

"Mmm-hmm," I answered.

"Well, I know lots of languages," he started and then roared as I took the head of his penis into my mouth. I let go and he growled.

"Continue with your explanation." I demanded. _Yeah, I'm that evil._

When he began talking, I again started moving my mouth up and down his shaft.

"I…uh…know at least a dozen languages, but languages change over time. So… uh… yeah, right there, baby, just like that… before I came to live in Texas in the late 1700's I was living in Spain. I hadn't spoken English really for a couple of hundred years and… oh, shit yeah…if you heard that English you'd think I was speaking a strange dialect. Yes, yes, good, now faster…. Use your teeth… So anyway, I learned American English in Texas. Rosie and I… you (groan) are (groan) so (groan) talented… lived in Texas for over 150 years. Watch out baby, I'm gonna cum."

I swallowed. It was delish. Bailey's and Amarretto together.

"Come here," said Jasper. He pulled me to him and we back to kiss again. He gently laid me down on the bed and once again covered my body with his. Starring into his eyes, I spread his legs and felt his tip brush against me. We both groaned.

He entered me slowly, inching his way into me. It was a snug fit but, besides a feeling of pressure, it did not hurt at all. Thank goodness.

He was so long; he couldn't quite make it all the way in. But that didn't seem to bother him, 'cause he threw his head back and roared when he was seated as deeply as he could go.

He started moving in and out, and I put my hands on his ass to help set the pace. His butt was the only part of his body that had a little extra meat and I enjoyed massaging his nether cheeks while I felt the hard muscles flex under my hands.

I reached up and started worrying one of his nipples with my teeth.

"Alice," Jasper moaned. The tendons were definitely sticking out of his neck now.

Jasper suddenly stopped and I mewled my disappointment. Then he dropped, slamming into me. Over and over he did this until once again I was soaring over the rainbow. I felt warm liquid shoot into me and Jasper start biting and sucking my neck. I was going to have some hickey tomorrow.

I don't know if it was my imagination or not, but I saw what looked like a bright light glow around us for a second and lots of sparkles in the air. You know, like if Disney's Tinker Bell had just dusted us with a shitload of pixie dust.

Jasper collapsed on me and we were still for a couple of minutes. Giving my heart, which had been pounding like a runaway, deranged train, a chance to slow down to its normal rhythm. Then I felt him start to harden within me as he started whispering all sorts of dirty things in my ear that he couldn't wait to do to my body.

"You ready for a real stud between your legs, little darlin'? I can't wait to take you from behind and make you scream my name. And you're gonna scream til you can't scream no more," was one of the more memorable comments he said to me. Jasper, who had always been so shy and reserved, was definitely not during sex. He was dirty, demanding, and way too sexy.

My nipples hardened in anticipation at his lewd comments and we were onto our next roller coaster ride. Which we took over and over again.

For the next two days, I didn't eat, drink, or even use the facilities. I was just _with_ Jasper; each sexual release feeding our need for more and more.

And more.

We did it doggy style, on a chair, on the table, under the table, in the shower, in the tub, on the bathroom floor.

Paradise, right?


	14. Chapter 14

I was loving my other half, my mate, my Chosen One. I'd lost track of time and even my sense of self. We were just one, joined together intimately, seeking pleasure together, riding the waves of passion over and over again. There had been a beginning I vaguely remembered but I didn't want there to be an end.

Each crescendo brought a need to strive for an even bigger climax.

I'd vaguely noticed that for the last couple of cycles there had been a curious pounding noise in the background.

"Jasper and Alice open the damn door!" screeched a female voice. More pounding.

"Open this fucking door, man," came an angry sounding male voice. I heard a myriad of voices all screaming some variation of this theme. But it sounded very distant, like an annoying buzz in the background.

_They sound concerned_, considered a distant voice in my head. _Oh, well, _I thoughtand I went back to nuzzling my beloved's delectable neck.

Suddenly, the door was blown open and I think there may have been other beings in the room. Didn't matter because I didn't want to pry myself from Jasper's luscious body.

But I was ripped away from my love's arms by some type of magic. Jasper was slammed into the other wall, hard. _What the fuck! _

"Angela Weber, what the fuck are you doing?" I screamed. At least I tried to scream, but I had no saliva in my mouth and my face and throat felt weird.

"Oh, Alice," Angela sobbed. "Oh, my goddess."

Emmett went up to Jasper, who was struggling desperately against the invisible binds holding us apart, and punched him. Over and over again. Edward crossed his arms and watched him.

This was not happening. I started making little gasping noises, trying to scream in protest. _Why were they hurting my Jasper?_

"Knock it off, guys," Rosalie snapped. I looked around and realized the Scooby Doo gang was all here in Jasper's apartment, which I now realized was decorated in a simple, clean southwestern theme. Edward and Emmett were glaring at Jasper, while Angela, a big Native American hulk, Bella, and Rosalie were looking at me. The girls' eyes were really red, as if they'd been crying.

_I wonder who died?_

"She's only a human, you asshole," screamed Rosalie at her brother. I was confused and pissed off. _Only a human? _As if I wasn't good enough for him. But I knew Rosalie loved her bro—why was she screaming at him? _Had we just fallen into a twilight zone?_

Bella was now openly sobbing. Edward left his stance where he'd been glaring at Jasper and went to comfort her. He laid a kiss on her head and, interestingly, she didn't flinch away. She leaned into his embrace.

_I'd never felt more betrayed. How could Bella permit this?_

I just wanted everyone to leave. I wanted it just to be me and Jasper again. It had been so perfect.

"Ok, I'm going to bind Jasper's powers," announced Angela. "But it'll take me a couple of seconds before I can do the anesthesia spell so Alice will be in extreme pain from her injuries. No one touch her at all because there is a good chance you'll re-injure her. God, I wish I had Ben here."

The Native American male next to Ang growled. She put a hand on his chest and said something like, "Not now, Jake."

_Was this Angela's mate? _I loved that she wasn't intimidated by the hulk of a guy. I'd be happier for her if she wasn't part of the _junta_ against love.

Ang waived her hand and nothing could have prepared me for the pain. I was on fire all over, inside and out. I tried to scream and this time I was able to actually make a soft keen before, mercifully, I blacked out.

Darkness.

A light shining in my eyes trying to wake me up. _Bastard_. The darkness felt so good. I did not want to wake up. Just five more minutes.

"Alice, there is a one coma per couple quota that you and Jasper are in serious danger of breaking," said a voice sternly.

Jasper. Jasper. I needed to see Jasper.

I forced my eyes open. They didn't necessarily hurt, but my eyes felt _almost_ irritated. That is how every part of my body felt: everything felt uncomfortable, really tight. Like I couldn't relax, every bone and muscle was tense, and every square inch of my skin felt incredibly itchy. It was all just shy of painful.

"She's waking," the same male voice said excitedly.

My eyes closed involuntarily when the light came closer. The light stopped and my eyes popped open.

"Good to have you back, Alice," said Carlisle, smiling kindly down at me.

I tried to look around but my neck wouldn't work, it was too tight.

"Jasper is in here. He's in the corner of the room. For now, we think its best if there is a little distance between the two."

Carlisle must have read the question in my eyes.

"When Others mate, they are consumed by their passion and it is normal for an Others couple to seclude themselves away for a couple of weeks, if not months, during their honeymoon period. They tend to abstain from taking in sustenance. But, Alice, you're human and your body needs sleep, food, and water. Throw in an Incubus who has been essentially starved for over a millennium, and the result is understandable. Unfortunate, but understandable."

I heard a sob in the background. _Jasper? _It was so frustrating that I couldn't see him. Even though, the need to fuck him six ways to Sunday was gone, I still wanted to be with him. At least see him. Reassure myself that he was okay and my _ex_-friends had not hurt him.

"Alice, a human body wasn't designed to constantly mate for three days straight," Carlisle continued. "You are bruised over 70% body, one of your ribs is broken, you have a concussion, and you had some internal injury when I examined you."

_Whoa. What?_

"Angela has blocked out your pain magically, which I prefer over narcotics, but you are not healed. I used my talents to fix up your internal injuries for the most part, but we Others have another method for healing external injuries."

_Lay it on me doc._

"Edward?" called Carlisle. Edward came into my line of vision.

"She's understanding everything you say, Carlisle. Sprite is amazingly intelligent."

_You can just sit and rotate, Assward, mentally shooting him my middle finger. You patronizing twit. _

Edward burst out laughing. "And she's as wonderfully feisty as ever."

_Arghhhhhhhh._

"Alice, vampires have a healing component in our saliva. It allows us to close up bite marks, without leaving any evidence. My suggestion is that I administer this remedy by basically licking you over your entire body."

_Whoa. I'd get licked all over by Carlisle. Damn. Fuck. Damn. OMG. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. _

"Edward?"

"She's really freaking out, Carlisle. She's just been mated, and so the idea of being touched by any other male is truly freaking her out."

"Alice, if you don't get this treatment, you will end up with fairly bad scars and you will be bedridden for at least the next 2 weeks as you heal."

It didn't matter. Alarms were going off like crazy in my head as I thought about Carlisle touching me with his tongue.

"Maybe we should sedate her," Carlisle said, unhappily. "It would be much better though if Alice was awake though and could help guide the treatment."

"Sprite, I am a vampire too," said Edward calmly. "What if it was me administering the treatment? And I had Bella here. I could even get Rosalie and the other guys here. It'll just be a bunch of friends hanging out. Jasper will be here to the entire time and, since his powers are bound, it will totally not be sexual."

_Fuck. Ok, think rationally. Think rationally. OMG. OMG. Not helping. Ok. I totally don't want this to happen to me while I am knocked out. Edward with friends or Carlisle while I'm unconscious? I'll take Option A. Less embarrassing if its Edward and not Carlisle, and it might be doable if Bella was there. But what will Jasper think?_

"Jasper, she wants to know what you think about the options," said Edward quietly.

"Alice, I don't matter. I am the one who did this to you," Jasper said from somewhere out of my eye range. His voice sounded husky and strained.

"Jasper, you're her mate," said Edward. "She feels like you are rejecting her. Man up, fucker. She needs you now—show her your worth, G_eneral_." The last word Edward hissed.

"Then, Alice, I feel we could make you more comfortable if you chose the Edward and friends option."

"She agrees with you," sighed Edward. "Even without you manipulating her feelings she wants to make you happy."

"Splendid," said Carlisle quickly, interrupting a potential fight. "I feel better knowing that Alice will be an active participant in the treatment. This is the ideal solution because Edward can read Alice's thoughts and I would have been at a handicap until her throat was healed. I wish I had thought of it earlier."

Carlisle started fooling around with all the wires next to my bed. "Edward, why don't you get everything set up, and I'll stay here with Alice and Jasper."

_Because we need a chaperone. _I thought bleakly. The door closed and I can only assume that Edward had left to make the "preparations."

_What does he need to do to prepare for licking over 70% of my body? _This really bites. I really wish I could see Jasper; I wanted to know he was ok and that he was here with me. I missed the connection we'd formed over the last three days. I felt…. as if I was missing part of myself.

Just then the most angelic voice started singing to me in a language I didn't understand. But it was Jasper's voice filling the room and for the first time since I woke up, I was able to relax.


	15. Chapter 15

I heard the tentative knock from the door and I would have tensed up if I could have moved a nano-inch of my body. Instead, I was pretty much frozen in place except for the ability to blink and sort of move my tongue around my mouth—whether it was from Ang's pain relieving spell or due to my injuries, I didn't know.

Unfortunately, the knock interrupted Jasper's singing. He'd stopped ancient greekish lullabies and had progressed through the ages to the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I am not sure if he got the irony of singing "I like pleasure spiked with pain" to me.

I honestly don't think so. His singing sounded absentminded. When Edward had left us, Carlisle had observed hung out with us for a couple of minutes, and I guess been satisfied that Jasper and I weren't going to try the horizontal hokey pokey again and left us alone. Frustratingly, Jasper had stayed on the other side of the room, out of my eyesight.

Edward had left over an hour ago to prepare for my big "treatment". I guess he was back now.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Treatment. As if I was getting a surgical procedure or a shot of penicillin. _Ok, don't think about it,_ _Alice. Even sarcastically. _

Ok, I won't think about gorgeous Edward Cullen licking over 70 % of my body. Or that Jasper and my new Scooby Doo gang of Other friends will be watching. Or that Carlisle, and it sounds like lots of Incubus elders, know that I boned Jasper, causing him to go into a coma.

_Shit._

_Jasper, you are so going to owe me BIG for this… _I tried to concentrate on what I'd make Jasper do, but being the perv I am, it all involved him and _his_ tongue on 70% of my body.

"Hey, let's try to keep the thoughts about Jasper PG-13 here," said Edward, who was suddenly in my line of sight,

_Where was everyone else?_

"I wanted to check on you before I invited everyone in."

"Who's everyone?" demanded Jasper quietly.

"Well, Ang is busy meeting parts of her mate's extended family right now, but she said she'd be here in a jiffy if we needed her. Unfortunately, she'd bring the dog around and he stinks."

From somewhere across the room Jasper grunted in agreement.

"So that leaves Emmett to help make sure Jasper…. behaves and Bella. Rose is still really pissed at Jasper and so we thought it be best if she kept Carlisle company next door."

_What's next door?_

"Well, normally, the apartment of a nice PhD seeking couple, but Rosalie was able to convince them they needed a nice vacation at the beach, courtesy of the Cullen Foundation for deserving poor-as-shit students. So, I'm gonna let in Bella and Emmett now, if that's ok?"

_Sure. Let's get this party started, Dr .McVampy. _I thought resignedly. Edward flashed me a smile, walked away, and then I heard the door open.

I heard shuffling, but it was really fucking frustrating that I couldn't see shit except for the damn ceiling in front of me. The same 320 cracks I'd been staring at for the last hour. Without Jasper's singing to distract me, I was getting really, really antsy. Almost claustrophobic in my own damn body. I couldn't fidget or explore or even say boo.

"Bella," Edward commanded. "Please come stand by Alice, love."

_Love? _I heard Bella's sharp intake of breath and Emmett's snort and knew I wasn't the only one who'd heard Edward's declaration.

Bella came over, sat down on the bed, and leaned over so I could see her.

"Hey," she said softly. Her eyes were red and sunken and her cheeks were splotchy. Obviously the girl had been crying. I'd never been gladder to see her in my life.

"Alice," said Edward. "I bet you'd like Bella to be able to hold your hand. I am going to start on your hands and arms so that she can do that, ok?"

_Sure, hopefully I don't taste too bad. _God, I'd just spent three days fucking without a shower or brushing my teeth. Oh, shit, I probably look and smell like a skunky ho homeless person. And Edward was going to have to taste it.

I started hyperventilating.

"Alice!" exclaimed Bella, worry lines creasing her forehead. _Note: when not freaking out about personal hygiene, talk to the girl about prematurely wrinkling. _

"Hold on, Jazz." Emmett said. "He hasn't even touched her yet. Calm down, man."

"Sprite is just concerned that she stinks because she hasn't been able to attend to her personal hygiene in the last three days," Edward assured everyone.

_Fuckward, thanks for sharing my deepest shame. _I pictured Edward getting stabbed my Bella. And it wasn't in the heart.

Edward winched and instinctually covered his crotch with one hand.

"Alice," said Bella with a small smile. "You don't stink. I gave you a sponge bath while you were passed out. And I think Ang might have already magically done something to clean you up because you didn't have a piece of dirt on you."

"Jasper and Edward, I love you guys," said Emmett. "But damn, I just got my jacking off material for the next year! You lucky bastards."

"Pillow," Bella said evenly to Emmett. He did not respond, although I heard a small choking noise.

_Wait, what the hell am I wearing?_ _Am I naked? _

"Sprite, you have to calm down. Your panicking is causing Jasper to practically have a meltdown."

I took a deep breath.

"In answer to your question, Sprite, you are covered by a light sheet. You are naked as a jay bird underneath. Emmett and I are mated and..."

"Hey! I am NOT mated to a tall, handsome, bronze haired med student vampire with dreamy green eyes that won't quit. I am mated to a loud mouth succubus who holds my short hairs and my heart in her very sharp fingernails." protested Emmett. "But maybe if you buy me dinner I'll reconsider as long as I'm the guy in the relationship."

Edward gritted his teeth above me.

"Emmett and I are mated to _women_, and despite Rose's mate's crude remarks, your nudity is doing nothing for him. Ang, has blocked Jasper's power so that he cannot influence your emotions but he can still feel everything you're feeling. And some of that emotion is bleeding out and make putting the rest of us on edge. Please just try to keep calm. Maybe think about something else… you know, a distraction."

Edward gently grabbed my right hand and started licking the back it. I concentrated really hard on blocking the sensations he was causing and instead started figuring the top 20 best dressed women on campus for my next fashion police article. I was debating on whether making Rose number nine on the list would be unfair nepotism. She might actually deserve to be higher but a small, petty, vengeful part of me didn't want to put the queen bitch (even if the larger part of me had retired the title) in the top five.

"I'm done," announced Edward, shocking me. I had been so wrapped up in my musing about Rosalie I hadn't even noticed his ministrations.

Suddenly, I could move my arms and fingers. It was awesome to be able to communicate with some part of my body and I started clapping my hands like crazy and shooting the thumbs up sign.

"You did great," said Edward. He seemed unperturbed by my exuberant applause. "See, nothing to it, Sprite. Now I am going to do you're face."

_Ok, now I am going to concentrate on… On? The pink tongue coming at me. _

Edward leaned over and, instead of kissing me, started licking over my lips. Almost instantaneously, I felt his freezing cold wet tongue was soothing my bruised and torn skin. Although I was not really feeling pain, _per se_, my skin felt itchy and tight. Edward's ministrations felt like a wonderful cool balm.

He lifted his head away and whispered to me, "Open your mouth, sprite." I did and he tentatively traced around the inside of my lips, where I'd been feeling especially itchy. It was such a relief to not feel that tension anymore that I actually felt me body relax.

Edward's tongue came in my mouth, and on top of the feeling of coolness, I could now taste Edward. _Mint-y freshness. _I opened my eyes (I hadn't even realized that I'd closed them) and looked at Edward. His eyes were open and he was looking intently at me. I almost closed my eyes again; it was just disconcerting having him so close. Even though the kiss was not sexual, it was intimate.

_Just brush your teeth, Vampward?_

Edward winked at me and I would have chuckled if I didn't think it would have hurt my throat. I realized that on top of exploring every nick and crevice in my mouth, Edward was forcing tons of his saliva into my throat. I swallowed, and suddenly my throat, which had felt really taut and irritated, felt great. Like the ultimate, cool throat lozenge. I moaned in pleasure, pleased that I could make a sound again.

To the side I heard the sharp impact of flesh against flesh.

I heard Emmett say, "Easy, Jazz, remember that Eddie is just helping your mate."

I heard Jasper make this horrible, heart wrenching sound. Even though he'd been the cause of my pain, I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. And, I mean, he hadn't been totally to blame. It does take two to tango and I'd been a willing and eager participant, even if it had been emotionally induced. _Gods, I am confused._

Sometime during my musings, Edward had broken our kiss and was now licking my jaw and neck. _I know, I know. I have a hot vamp licking me all over and all I can think about is Jasper._

"Jasper," Edward said between licks. "All Sprite here can think about is you. She actually feels guilty for what happened, as if she could have prevented being hurt. Snap out it, you douche, your woman needs you!"

My neck is especially ticklish and when Edward started in on it I couldn't help it, I started giggling and trying to get away from the source of my ticklish torment.

I heard a crash. "Jasper, I am not going to let ago again until you promise not to damage my house anymore. Rose and I liked that wall." Emmett thundered.

I wanted to turn to see what Jasper had done but my body still felt too tight in too many places so I still couldn't turn my head to see the damage.

Edward started licking around my hair line. And around my ears. The headache that I didn't know I had disappeared. I was starting to feel human again. _Pun intended._

"Bella," Edward addressed my friend who had been hovering on the left side of my bed. "I need you to lift Alice's head so that I can get the back of her head and neck. I'll do the rest of her back in a bit but I want to get to that head wound now."

_Head wound? _Did that happen when Jasper was pounding me against the door? I vaguely remember feeling a sharp pain.

I heard the sound of someone sobbing and realized it was Jasper.

"Jasper," I said my voice low and scratchy. The sobs paused. "Baby, it's ok." I had to reassure him. My body and my pride could handle my current situation, but my heart could not handle hearing Jasper hurting. I actually felt a pain in my chest. I heard Jasper snuffling, try to stop crying. After that I don't know if he had stopped crying or if he was just doing it softer. Occasionally, I'd hear a sniff.

There was a silver lining to my being incapacitated right now (besides the obvious—my body being worshipped by a gorgeous vamp with a talented tongue). The best part of this whole thing was I knew this was what _I_ was feeling thanks to Ang's spell. Unadulterated love. My biggest worry before was that Jasper had been manipulating what I was feeling. And I guess he had to a certain extent, he'd made sure I'd only felt pleasure and lust for the last three days, keeping away any other feelings, including pain. Dangerous for a human, but I am guessing probably not as dangerous for an Other.

But as I got my lovely, cold tongue massage I had what I really wanted most. The time to process what was happening to me and the ability to know what _I _was _truly feeling._

I know, I'm a sick puppy, but I was actually grateful for this break. In my defense to everyone who is rolling their eyes at my easy forgiveness, Ang casts a pretty damn good spell and so I wasn't feeling any pain at all.

Edward had finished with the back of my head and neck and Bella gently lay me down. The sheet slipped to my waist exposing my chest to the room. No one made a sound. It was actually eerie not to hear a lewd comment from Emmett.

I glanced at Bela and saw that she was ashen faced She looked absolutely horrible, like her best friend had died or something.

Edward stopped his ministrations. _Sorry, bad metaphor. You know I have no mental filter, vamp. But keep up the good work. Thanks!_

"Bella," I said; my voice stronger than before. She looked at me. I smiled at her, "How you holding up there?"

She burst into tears. I felt Edward again stop licking. He stood up and went over to Bella, shooting me an apologetic glance.

"Shhhhhh, sweetheart," he whispered to Bella, encircling her small frame with his arms. She looked so fragile. "Alice is going to be as good as new." He started humming to her and rocking her back and forth. His face radiated utter love for her.

And with that gesture I absolutely fell in love with the idea of Bella-and-Edward. I wanted my best friend to have this vampire and I knew that Edward had gained me as an ally. _Sorry Bella, but he's good for you. You need someone to take care of you for once, babe._

Smiling, Edward spun Bella around a couple of times until she giggled softly and then he gently brushed her lips with his.

"Thank you," she said gazing up at him.

"Anything," he responded to her, covering his heart with his hand, and then he strolled back, a little cockily in my opinion, back to my side and started to lick me shoulder. But not before he secretly winked at me.

I'd actually been able to turn my head to watch their exchange. So I turned my head to the other side to look at Jasper. He was huddled on the floor. I looked behind him and there was a huge hole in the wall. I actually laughed when I saw it. It was perfectly Jasper size and I wondered if he'd just run straight through it or what.

I looked back down at Jasper and he was gazing at me in wonder. I hoped that he could feel my amusement and I tried to project my love at him.

Edward was licking his way down my waist to the sides of my thighs—generally a very ticklish place—but I didn't even notice really because I was lost in my beloved's eyes. _I know, I know. Dudes any other time I would have totally been enjoying it (even in a non-sexual way)._

But I was too busy staring at Jasper who was rising and walking towards me, and I saw the regret in his face and in his eyes. But, more importantly, I also saw adoration and hope. For me. My heart beat a little faster in response.

I smiled at him.

"Hi," I said softly.

"Alice," he whispered and he dropped to his knees in front of me "I am so, so sorry. I never ever intended to hurt you. I vow to never ever hurt you again."

I shushed him. "Jasper, as much as I appreciate the sentiment behind your words, that is impossible. Of course you're going to hurt me in the future."

He flinched, and looked down right nauseated.

"No, I didn't mean physically. I would truly appreciate it if you avoided hurting me physically from now on, thank you very much."

"Never," vowed Jasper. "I will never touch you in any way to cause you harm."

"Well," I said a bit mischievously. "There may be some times when I want you to hurt me a little."

"Alice!" exclaimed Bella. "You realize the rest of are still here, right? You must be feeling better if you can flirt with Jasper that way."

I shot Bella my own wink and she smiled back.

"Jasper, I have figured out that both you and I were caught up in something we couldn't control," I told him. "You've stalked me for six months but during that time you were nothing but courteous. I know in my heart that you didn't mean to hurt me."

"I didn't know that I was doing this," confessed Jasper. He buried his hands in his hair. "I will never forgive myself."

"Jasper, enough," I said, trying to still be gentle. "I demand you stop this self castigating party you've got going on."

"Queen Alice commands, eh?" he asked me with a smile, although his hands were still buried in his hair. He looked like a Greek god or a swim suit model posing in front of me. I felt a jolt of desire course through me.

Jasper must have felt it vicariously because he backed away from me. "No, we're not going to do that anytime soon."

"Spoil sport," I teased him and winked. I definitely could catch onto this mode of communication.

"Alice, you are going to be the absolute death of me!" he declared with a sigh, stood, and backed away a bit. _._

"Alice, I need to work on your breasts now," announced Edward, looking a little worried at Jasper. Emmett went up behind Jasper, as if ready to tackle him if he went berserk. _How sweet._

I couldn't help it, I tensed up. I looked down at my bare breasts and saw they were covered with bruises and teeth marks. _Yikes. If I look like this all over, no wonder everyone is acting so weird._

Jasper must have caught my emotions at this point because he turned around without a word and went to stand near his hole-in-the-wall, back towards me.

I looked at Bella for moral support. She came up and held one of my hands. I am so glad that Edward thought to do those first.

I first felt a lick at the base of my breast and my breath caught. But I soon realized, despite feeling the cool wetness all over my breasts, that I wasn't feeling turned on at all.

"I'm not feeling turned on at all," I announced to the room.

Emmett started laughing and Edward arched a brow at me. Bella smoothed back my hair and said, "Of course you're not feeling anything sexual. You're hurt."

"Nah, that isn't why," I confessed. "I still want Jasper, even now. Thankfully, the urge is controllable. But I don't feel anything… especially _fun_… from Edward's licking."

"Thank the fates," said Jasper from his self imposed exile.

"Are you crazy?" Bella practically yelled, then clapped her hands over her mouth. Her face turned an interesting tomato red. And then Edward was done with my breasts. He went down to my belly button and lower tummy quickly, almost professionally.

"I'm done with her front," Edward announced. Emmett went to the door and bellowed into the next room for Carlisle.


	16. Chapter 16

"It looks great," said a grinning Carlisle, patting Vampward on the back. Both vamps were carefully examining my bare breasts. Of course, they were looking for any sign of injury and not just ogling me, which before the past couple of day's events, would have been one of the most surreal experiences of my life.

But that was before the tentacled day-glo Matithe demon broke into my dorm, one of my best friends turned out to literally be a witch (and not the couple a days a month kind either), my soul mate turned out to be a soul sucker, and one of my fix-it-up projects tried to rape me and then tried to turn into a wolf.

_Days of Our Fucking Freakiness…_

So, honestly, I've been kind of blasé about the whole butt naked-in-front-of-my-friends thing. Not to mention Vampward's "treatment". I'm sure one day I'll have enough therapy to be able to laugh at this…

Jasper was back at his hole in the wall during my examination by Carlisle. At least this time around, though, I could turn my head and look at him. He was so cute, with his back to me and his hands clenched into tight fists at his side. He looked like a petulant kindergartener who'd been sent to stand in the corner as punishment.

"I can't get over how all the bruises and cuts have all just disappeared," Bella marveled. "You should bottle that stuff."

"We wish we could," replied Carlisle as he examined my now blemish free arms. "Unfortunately, the saliva looses its curative powers shortly after it leaves a vampire's mouth."

"That's probably a good thing," boomed Emmett. "I would hate to see you hooked up to some sort of milking machine or something. Although we could make a mint selling it by the bottle to the humans."

"Well, our healing saliva is definitely a reason why so many vampires are in the medical field," laughed Carlisle as he bent to examine my toes. _Crap! I missed Eddie boy sucking my toes! That would have been an image to treasure._

Edward smirked at me but didn't respond to my thought, thankfully.

"I think a lot of vamps chose a career in medicine so they could take quick sips from their victims without raising a public outcry," Edward said. "I can't believe people think that doctors would actually use leeches." He got a dreamy look on his face. He then looked up and must have seen Bella's horrified expression. "We don't do that anymore, of course. We now drink bottled synthetic blood."

Bella now looked a little green around the gills.

"Well, Edward," said Carlisle. "I think that we can turn Alice over and you can work on her back."

"Ok, I'm going to turn you over now," Vampward said and he gently lifted me up and placed me on my stomach.

Bella gasped. Well, I guess the back was as bad as the front. 'Course I couldn't see it so it wasn't really real to me. Out of sight, out of mind. My back just felt kind of itchy still and tight.

I placed my hands underneath my chin and waited for my cold massage to begin.

"See you in a bit, Carlisle. Thanks for checking on me," I said, smiling broadly at him. The subtext of the message was, basically: D_on't let the door hit your handsome ass when you leave the room_. I appreciated his help, but I wanted him out of here so we could get this show on the road. The sooner Edward finished his ministrations the sooner I could talk to Jasper. Plus, I was really tired of being stuck on this bed.

"One last thing, Alice," Carlisle gently protested.

I sighed, loudly.

"You've healed so well, I believe Edward can finish working on the rest of your body."

"Great!" I responded. This was good news, right? So why was Bella blushing red and Carlisle nervously running his hands threw his hair?

"Um, Sprite," Edward said, looking like he had a serious case of indigestion. "I am not going to just be working on your back."

_Say what?_

I heard the sound of flesh impacting flesh. It almost sounded like thunder it was so hard. Emmett had grabbed Jasper, who was struggling to get out of his grasp and tackle Vampward who was looking anywhere but at me.

_Ok, we were finally getting close to normal and everything had to go Twilight Zone again on me. What the fuck? _

I really couldn't understand why Jasper looked like he wanted to murder Edward, but damn if he wasn't sexy when he looked dangerous. Emmett actually looked like he was straining to hold Jasper back.

_Yeah, I have a thing for bad boys._ Come on, tell me you weren't strangely attracted to Christian Bale in American Psycho or Heath Ledger in the last Batman flick.

Ok, maybe it's just me.

I think Jasper might have felt that wave of lust because he froze and looked at me with disbelief. I gave him my own personal sex kitten smile in return. His anger sort of melted away and he gave me this slow, wide smile that promised all sorts of naughty things.

_Zing._ Man, I felt that all the way to my core.

"Fuck! Jasper, quit it, man," groaned Emmett who still had his arms around my bad boy. The big turd had his eyes closed and he looked like he was in utter agony. "Dude, do you know how disturbing it is to be turned on while holding another man? You've got to control the emotions you're putting out there or I'm gonna have to buy you dinner."

I started giggling and Jasper's expression changed to a goofy grin.

"Sorry, Em," he said. Oh, the sound of his raspy voice was intoxicating. "Being this close to Alice is torture. She has a _really_ healthy sexual appetite." He said the last part proudly and the big turd actually sent me an appreciative look.

Carlisle cleared his throat. Damn, I'd forgotten he was here.

"Alice, Edward will have to administer to _all_ your injuries."

_Duh. _

Edward groaned and buried his head in his hands.

"Alice, when you had intercourse with Jasper, you were injured somewhat internally as well," Carlisle said uncomfortably, tugging at his collar.

_Oh fuck no, that doesn't mean that Vampward is going down there and…_

"Edward going eat you out, Alice!" crowed the big turd before he busted out laughing.

_Smack._

Jasper had taken over his sister's job and smacked Emmett on the back of his head. Emmett stopped laughing out loud, but I could still see his shoulders shaking.

I considered briefly having a heart attack but then decided I just wanted to get this over with. Besides, Edward was pretty much a doctor—he would be completely professional about this. And he was mated to Bella so he didn't lust after me or anything.

It would be just like when he licked my breasts, pleasant but not sexual in the least.

"Exactly, Sprite," Edward said, looking at me with a relieved smile.

I zoned out while Carlisle gave a ton more instructions to Edward. When the door finally shut after the good doctor, I was happy to see him gone.

Now on to business.

Edward got to work licking my back while Bella perched on the side of my bed and Jasper and Emmett hovered on the other side of the room by the hole in the wall.

"So what do you want to do when we get out of here?" I asked Jasper.

Suddenly, Emmett and Bella stiffened and Edward paused mid lick.

"Sorry, guys," Jasper said sheepishly, shaking his head. "I couldn't control my reaction to a question like that. I'm a guy and there's really only one answer."

"Wow," said Bella, softly. "Even I felt that, Jasper. It was like I was super turned on for a second and then it passed."

I decided not to share with Bella that her body may have visibly betrayed how turned on she _still_ was. I mean, she could have cut glass. Vampward was practically drooling in her direction. His eyes were getting heavy and darker.

"Maybe I should leave so you all can finish this…" my soul sucking other half said softly.

"No!" I protested. My mind practically shut down at the possibility of him leaving. "Jasper, I need you here."

Time to get this show back on the road before he bolted: distraction needed.

"How about we go to dinner?" I asked Jasper.

The change of topic worked, and I could tangibly feel the tension in the room rachet down. Then Edward started licking the bottoms of my feet. First, gross. Second, I am super ticklish and I was trying to keep my squirming to a minimum and not kick the vamp in the face. Third, what the hell did we do to my feet that I need to be healed there too?

"That sounds good, my love," Jasper replied to my question about dinner.

My heart stuttered. Jasper just said he loved me. I squealed and Jasper smiled back at me.

"I love it when your happy, darlin'. You give off the brightest, warmest feelings and you have this wonderful aura filled with sparkles. I have never seen anything like it."

How do I respond to that?

I felt a little nip on my let bum cheek and realized Edward was telling me I needed to say something.

"Jasper, I want to get to know you. I have a feeling that you're going to make me very happy."

Jasper walked to my bed, took my hand in his, and we had an actual conversation. We decided on going to an Italian restaurant that night, not too far away from campus. Jasper didn't have much of a preference on food, since he didn't actually eat human food. He just wanted some place quiet and intimate where we could be alone and talk.

"Alright," said Edward, interrupting us. "Time to turn Sprite back over."

"Permit me," said Jasper. And he gently turned me on my side and then onto my back. He leaned down and gave me a gentle kiss on my lips. We were doing great, until I breathed in his heady scent.

Fuck. I felt wetness pool between my legs and my nipples harden.

"Shit," Jasper said darkly. I agreed with him.

"Did everyone else feel that?" asked Bella, shakily. Now she could probably stab someone if she wasn't careful.

"Jasper!" Edward and Emmett exclaimed together.

"Sorry, guys," Jasper said. "I'll work hard to control this but the better Alice is feeling, the _better _she's feeling."

"Alice Elizabeth Brandon!" shouted Bella. "We did not just go through all this just to have you get messed up all over again."

"Bella, chill," I said with a sigh. "I am not going to get messed up again. This time I won't be fooled by Jasper's emotions."

She huffed disbelievingly.

"Look, let's just try to get this done quickly," interjected Edward. "Then we'll let Carlisle talk to them."

_Joy._

Jasper started to walk back to his place at the wall but I snagged his hand. "Stay," I begged.

He stayed.

Edward draped a sheet over my body and pushed my feet back until they basically touched my butt. I was reminded of an examination at my gynecologist.

He moved the end of the sheet up until it reached my knees and then parted my legs. I instinctively closed them shut.

"Bella, can you help me hold Sprite's legs open?" Edward asked. Then he chuckled. "I never, ever want to have to say that sentence ever again."

We all giggled nervously.

Bella went to the end of the bed by Edward and put her hands gently on my legs and tugged. I reluctantly parted my legs.

Then I felt it: the cool tongue on my inside thigh, soothing the one area that was still tight and itchy. The tongue was gently going back and forth on my thigh.

I sighed at how good it felt.

"Alice," Jasper whispered. I looked up at him and he reached down and smoothed my hair back from my forehead. He had the loveliest green eyes and he was looking at me so intently, I almost felt like he could see straight into my soul.

"Jasper," I murmured softly. _Mine._

I felt the tongue start to work on my mound, making almost circular movements. It felt so unbelievably good not to feel itchy there that I actually moaned.

"Oh, baby," said Jasper, his voice a little husky.

He reached down and gently laid a kiss on my right cheek, but his lips did not leave my face and his lips gently brushed across my face right over my mouth to my other cheek, where again he gently laid a kiss.

This time when he lips passed over mine, I was ready. I reached up and grabbed him and started kissing those delectable lips while feeling his soft hair in my hands. This was heavenly and it was Jasper's time to groan as I nibbled his plump lower lip.

It was at this point that the tongue reached my core. The only way I can describe it is that I was so wrapped up in Jasper, I didn't quite think about the tongue belonging to Edward.

Instead, _it_ was doing delicious things to me while I was practically making love to Jasper's mouth. My lover's arms reached down and encircled me in his arms and he pressed himself tightly against me. I felt his hard erection pressed at my side and suddenly I was engulfed in flames.

And there was this lovely cold tongue to help stroke the flames higher. The coldness felt fucking wonderful and my soothed skin fucking aching for more. Over and over again it encircled my clit until finally plunging straight into me, making me practically lift off the bed. I came, shrieking into Jasper's mouth while the cold tongue lapped up my juices.

As I was enjoying my post orgasmic bliss, I heard Bella cry out and I was concerned enough about her welfare to break away from Jasper's intoxicating kiss and look at her.

Bella's head was thrown back, her hands were clutching her breasts, and Edward's hand was buried underneath her skirt. _OMG, he was fingering her._

The image made me burn again and I grabbed Jasper by the ears and kissed him frantically. His hands reached up and grabbed my breasts, squeezing them and then rubbing his palms over my nipples.

As Jasper stroked and massaged my breasts, the tongue inside me wiggled and tasted, thrusting in and out. Suddenly it withdrew and I just about screamed in frustration when I felt teeth gently pinching my clit, causing me to come completely apart again.

In the background, Bella was chanting, "Yes, Edward", until she gave one final scream. And then the room was silent.

I heard a door slam and wondered who had left the room.

I felt the tongue leave my vagina and I reluctantly pulled away from Jasper's sweet mouth. Edward hastily pulled the sheet down over my legs and pulled his hand from between Bella's legs. He took the hand that had been pleasuring my best friend and stuck it in his mouth, sucking hard on his fingers. He sent an apologetic shrug at everyone and then suddenly he was out of the room, the door slamming behind him.

I looked around and realized Emmett must have been the person who'd left earlier. I wonder where he went?

Jasper groaned and I looked at him. He looked like he was in utter pain and he ground himself against me.

I reached down to help him with his problem, forgetting entirely that my best friend was still in the room.

"Alice, it's too soon," he said between moans. "I need to go take care of myself,"

And then he, too, was gone with a slam of the door. I wonder what that meant for our dinner date tonight?

I looked at Bella and she looked like she'd been hit by a mack truck.

"Well, are you leaving too?" I asked.

Instead of leaving, Bella buried her flushed face in her hands. "I can't believe I just did that. I can't believe _we_ just did that."

"I'm honestly feeling too good to care," I said with a shrug.

I heard a giggle escape from behind Bella's hands. "Me, too," she admitted.

"Let's get out of here and go home and take a shower," I suggested. "We can save being mortified for later."

"I think that's an excellent plan," Bella said, worrying her bottom lip.

Bella helped me locate my clothing, which she had thoughtfully laundered so it was clean. Dressed, I felt like a million bucks. I felt human again and ready to conquer the world.

Bella and I left the apartment, locking the door.

We started hearing the screams and the moans from the apartment next door as we made our down the hall.

"What the hell is that?" asked Bella. It sounded like we were in a haunted house at an amusement park. Or like someone was getting murdered. Bella reached over and clutched my hand.

Concerned, I was going to knock on the door to make sure everyone was alright until I heard "Fuck me harder, Emmett! Harder!" It was a high pitched female voice that I can only assume was Rosalie's. I guess we know where Emmett disappeared to.

But they weren't the only ones making the noise. We heard all sorts of colorful comments and noises as we passed by each apartment complex. I was getting a new appreciation for how powerful Jasper was. He had infected the entire floor with lust and the neighbors were gettin' busy.

Turns out he infected half of campus, as Bella and I discovered as we made our way to our dorm.

We found tons of couples relieving their lust on our way home (and sometimes individuals taking matters into their own hands). Most were hidden in the shadows, but we had to step over some freakin' exhibitionist. I'd never be able to look at my Biology II prof the same way again.

When we finally got to our dorm, there was a silver Mercedes haphazardly parked on the side walk out front. The windows were fogged and the shocks were definitely getting a workout.

The movement increased in frequency just as we were skirting it and reaching the steps. There was one final huge shake and then the car stopped moving.

"I guess they reached their climax," Bella said with a giggle.

"I think we're gonna want to wait on those showers until this all dies down, Bella," I told her, rolling my eyes. "I don't think I can stomach walking in on anyone naked getting down to business right now."

"Ewww!!!"

"Yep, the joy of communal showers," I said, swiping my card to unlock the front door.

Whatever Bella was going to say was lost when a deep voice yelled, "Alice!"

Shit. Now I know why that Mercedes looked familiar.

I pasted a grin on my face, tried to forget about the Mercedes a rockin', and said brightly, "Mom and dad, what a surprise!"

**End Notes:**

Please let me know what you all think! Did anyone squirm? Group sex? Goodness, what was I thinking? ;)

Meet the parents next chapter.

If anyone starts a petition on Jasper's hair in the New Moon movie let me know. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks it is wacked.

My next rec for all you A&J lovers out there is Socks For Sex by goldentemptress on twilighted. The story alternates between B&E's and A&J's love story. I love Alice's POV in it.

On, I am really enjoying " High School LoveHate Affair A JazzXAlice story" by XXSkittlesXX.

Also, nominations for the Bellies are up at .

Lastly, although I know a lot of you have already discovered them, for those of you this chapter left... frustrated, go and check out my "Naked" one-shots. ;) Lots of hot lemons to satisfy.


	17. Chapter 17

**Dedicated to my group of friends who are giving this story a go, even though they've never read the Twilight series or fanfiction before.**

**Please let me know, **_**chiquitas,**_** if you make it this far in.**

**Acrow, I have faith you will. :)**

**And to author starfish422 for her story Over the Top, which helped renew my faith in perfect fanfiction love (even if it is between Jasper and Edward).**

"Chiquita, it is so good to see you," my mother said loudly, her Argentinean accent faintly flavoring her words even after living in the United States for the past 25 years.. She took me into her tight embrace; a cloud of her signature perfume, made exclusively for her by Chanel, overwhelmed my senses.

"_Mami, que estas haciendo aqui_?" I questioned, my Spanish flawless. I switched to English so that Bella and my Irish American father could understand our conversation. "Is everything alright?" My mother was actually an inch shorter than me and so she was one of the few people who I could literally see eye to eye with.

My father was another.

"Alice Elizabeth Brandon," my father said sternly from behind me, "We have been worried sick for the last couple of days. Why have you not been answering your cell or your dorm phone?"

I shot a questioning look at Bella. Where the hell had she been while I had been so wrapped up in Jasper?

"_Mira_, Andrew," my mother pointed to my clothing. "Her clothing does not match. My baby is not wearing any makeup and she has not fixed her hair." My mother gasped. "She has joined a cult!"

"Honey, calm down a bit," my father said soothingly. He was used to my mother's hysterics and what she called her passionate Latin fervor for life. And he, as a United States Federal Court Judge, he was used to judging the facts. His sharp eyes missed very little.

"_Mami_, I promise I did _not_ join a cult!" I protested. I ran and gave my dad a hug and a peck on his check, avoiding his reddish brown beard. He hated it when anyone mentioned it, but he did look a lot like a leprechaun, even with the neatly groomed mustache and beard. Of course, his accent definitely did not hail from the lovely green isles. Instead, he was pure New Jersey Trenton burg.

He may look like he hung around rainbows and hunted for pots of gold, but he sounded like a gangster.

"How about you give Bella and me an hour to freshen up and then take us to a late lunch?" I asked. "You can take us out to eat and then maybe we can all go shopping?"

Behind me Bella moaned at the idea of going shopping with my parents. But the mention of spending money in the pursuit of acquiring merchandise appeased my parents. They're baby hadn't completely gone off the deep end.

"Plus, it'll give you a chance to straighten up as well," I arched one eyebrow at them. Remember, kids, the best defense is a good offense.

My parents had obviously either dressed in a hurry or not had much room to maneuver in the Mercedes. My dad's fly was partially undone and his shirt was peeking through. And my mother's Chanel shell was inside out.

This was a mental picture that I would treasure forever. My parents less than perfectly coifed!

My father actually blushed! My mom pretended not to be flustered as she smoothed down her hair. Yet she avoided my eyes.

Oh, sweet ammunition.

"Perhaps that would be best," my father said gruffly. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and then gathered my mother up and pushed and pulled her along to the car as she asked a zillion and one questions, one right after the other.

Thankfully, there wasn't a break in her stream of words (which is typical) so I didn't have to answer. I just blew kisses.

There was silence for a split second when the door closed, but then the passenger side window of the car rolled down and my mother called out. "We'll be back to pick you up in an hour, _mija._"

The Mercedes purred to a start and slowly pulled away from its haphazard perch on the sidewalk in front of our dorm. My father drove carefully to the end of the deserted street, and then put on his blinker to take a left hand turn. I was relieved to see that whatever passion Jasper had released had been replaced by my father's normal, boring carefulness.

"Holy shit," said Bella, uncharacteristically cussing.

"Holy fucking shit," I echoed.

We both stood where we were and stared at the car leaving.

"So, what, we have a couple of hours before your parents will be back, right?"

"Yeah, I tend to multiply whatever time my mother agrees to by three. She just can't help herself—she's always fashionably late."

Bella shivered. "What takes her so long to get ready? She wears the same thing all the time."

Bella was right. My mother _always_ wore a Channel pant suit. In the winter, she wore it with a heavy coat over, spring with a short trench, and in summer the material tended to be linen, but it was always a Channel suit. She'd discovered the designer in the '60s and never looked back.

She wore the pant suits to weddings, funerals, and baseball games. She had a variety of colors and materials, but each was in the same, perfectly fitted form.

Is it a wonder that I love fashion so much? Fashion changes, and expresses a person's identity.

My mother's suits, on the other hand, are her armor in the high stakes game of Florida costal real estate. She decided long ago that she didn't want to have to decide what to wear, so she chose the suit. It's her signature look.

My dad, who was a lawyer before becoming a judge, is just as comfortable in suits, although he prefers Armani.

My parents—got to love them.

Bella and I turned a trudged upstairs. I'd been expecting shrieks and moans we'd been hearing on our walk, but instead it was eerily quiet. It was like Christmas eve—no creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

Not trusting the freaky Twilight Zone vibe we were getting, Bella and I decided to go up the old squeaky steps to our fourth floor room and skip the elevator. I am proud to say we only groaned a couple of times and had to pause for a five minute rest break one time.

By the time we got to my door, I was experiencing a full blown panic attack. We lived in a HUGE dorm. It was just not natural to go four flights of stairs and not see one person.

As I was turning the key to my room, the door down the hall flung open and our RA Jada stumbled out. She looked horrible—her hair was messed up and she had on a really ratty bathrobe. But she had the biggest smile on her face that I'd ever seen, and behind her stumbled a middle age guy in a UPS uniform who looked like he'd gone through a couple of tours of duty in Iraq and suffered post traumatic stress disorder. He looked haunted.

The man hurried past us, not looking either me or Bella in the eye.

We both looked back at Jada. "He gave me a special delivery," she purred and sauntered down to the hall to the communal showers.

_Uh. That was way too much information. _But at least I knew there was one other person alive in the building.

Then we heard a half shriek/ half growl and half a dozen naked men and women ran out of the women's only communal bathroom, followed by an enraged Jada.

"That is so against the rules!" She hollered at their retreating forms. Doors slammed up and down the hall as couples escaped into dorm rooms. "If those guys are not out of here by the time I finish showering, I am writing you all up and calling your parents!."

She composed herself, turned around to me and Bella, winked, and said softly, "Not."

She then sauntered back into the bathroom.

"What happened to her?" whispered Bella.

I opened the door to our dorm and pulled my best friend in, throwing the bolts to the on position and sliding in the security chains. "I guess she finally got laid."

"Huh."

"Yeah."

Suddenly there was an awkwardness between me and Bella that hadn't been there before.

"Well, I totally don't want to use those showers now," she said.

"Me neither. Can you imagine what we might step on?"

I looked around our room and located my cell, still plugged in and charging by my bed.

I dialed Angela and when she answered breathlessly (_so_ not thinking about why that might be); she said she'd be over in the next five minutes to solve everything.

Fifteen minutes later we heard a loud banging on the door. Bella was quietly reading a book and I was at the computer reading increasingly nasty emails complaining about my lack of response over the last couple of days.

_Sorry I could not solve your fashion crisis, Ana, but I was a little tied up mating like an energizer bunny with my soul sucking boyfriend who almost put me in the hospital with his sexual prowess. _

Ok, so I didn't write the email but I sure felt like it. I'm _so_ sure Ana would have understood.

As Bella and debated who was going to get up and answer the door, we heard Ang giggling and the low murmuring of a deep male voice.

I went over and threw open the door to find tall, slim Angela completely wrapped around the big brute I'd seen her with earlier. Thank goodness they were wearing clothes.

"Jake, I presume?" I asked.

Angela gasped and quickly untangled herself from her werewolf while blushing at being caught in the act (well not the act _per se_, but you get the point), and Jake chuckled and extended his hand. A huge friendly smile covered his face. I put my hand in his big bear paw of a hand.

"What is it with Others guys and large hands?" I asked bemusedly.

Bella let out a snort, Ang giggled, and Jake roared with laughter as if I'd said the funniest shit ever.

Damn, I am slow. It took me a while, but as soon as I put two-and-two together I blushed.

Me, blush.

I know –it's totally a Bella thing to do. Why was I embarrassed? I am not quite sure if it's because I disclosed an intimate detail about Jasper's physique or because I was so slow to catch onto the joke.

But man did I miss Jasper like crazy. I was yearning like made to call him so I could hear his voice and then demand that he get his cute patootie over here, pronto.

I imagined hundred and one scenarios—most of them highly improbable—about what he was doing and why he wasn't here with me. Maybe he'd joined a monastery and decided to live a chaste life without me. Maybe he'd found a nice Other girl who wouldn't break when he made hot, monkey love to her and they were blissfully happy. Maybe he'd gotten hit by a bus and suffered amnesia, but he was haunted by the memory of a beautiful black haired girl. The last was my favorite scenario.

Bella and Angela were looking at me worriedly.

I was a little worried myself. It wasn't like me to be plagued with self doubt. I didn't obsess on ideas that made me unhappy. And I'd only been away from Jasper for like half an hour or so. Every single fiber of my being wanted to be with Jasper.

Angela did her Bewitched magicky stuff and suddenly our dorm room had a full shower, tub, and vanity—straight out of a high end hotel. There were even matching white fluffy bathrobes hanging on hooks on the wall where Bella's book shelf once stood. Man, I hope Ang remembered to poof that back in or there will be blood.

I looked away as Ang and Jake gave each other a sweet goodbye kiss and Jake poofed away. Turns out he can magically teleport whenever he wants, just like Ang.

Bella drew a hot bubble bath for me and Ang poofed me naked. As they guided me to the bath tub, I could just imagine what totally inappropriate comment Emmett would make of the situation.

I sat still and let the girls wash my hair and scrub my skin clean. It was great to have such wonderful, caring friends, but still I wanted… _Damn, I sound like a fucking broken record._

Suddenly, there was a tentative knock on the door. Ang poofed a shower curtain to cover half the room to hide my naked presence and, of course, the entirely unexplainable presence of a luxury bathroom in our miniscule room.

Ang opened the door and then I heard Jasper ask for me. My heart sang for joy and I sailed out of the tub and wrapped myself around him, oblivious that he was still standing in the hallway. His hands cupped my ass and he bent down and gave me a toe curling kiss.

"Alice Elizabeth Brandon," yelled a man's voice I recognized as my dad's, "What the hell are you doing with that boy?"

I froze. Jasper froze. I heard Bella say "oh shit!" from in the room. Instead, of separating from Jasper, I plastered myself against him. There was no way I was going to separate myself from him and confirm my parent's fear that I was butt naked. Right now, they might only _suspect_ I might be naked.

"Mom and Dad," I called out from over Jasper's shoulder. "This is Jasper Hale and he is the man I am going to marry. He's going to carry me into the dorm and then go out and introduce himself. He can entertain you while I get ready."

I heard my mother laugh. "That explains _everything_, Harry. Our baby is in love. And with such a tall, fine looking boy."

"Hmpph…." was all my father said. He mumbled something about be able to take down the blond Jolly Green Giant if had to.

Jasper raced into the room and slammed the door behind him.

"You're going to marry me?" he asked and spun me around.

"I do believe I will," I told him. "I can't even stand five minutes away from you, so I figure I need to tie you down for the rest of my life."

"I love you, Alice Elizabeth Brandon."

"I love you. But I am still only human, Jasper."

Japer brushed his lips against mine. "Shhh… Don't worry. We have some options. We'll figure it out."

We heard a nervous giggle and I remembered we had an audience. I turned to the girls and asked "Want to be bridesmaids?"

Both girls said yes. Angela actually looked excited, while Bella looked a little green around the gills.

"Let me help Jasper out with your parents," Ang said, and she put her arm through his. Instantaneously, his clothes, which had been covered in wet spots due to my use of him as a towel, dried. He bowed to her, opened up the door partially, and the too left.

I had a moments doubt, but quashed it. Surely a half a century old witch and a 2000 year old succubus were a match for my parents.

I turned to Bella and said," Spill. What the hell is going on with you?"

"Let's not worry about that right now," she replied, with a tight smile on her face. We have got to get you ready quickly so you run interference between your parents and Jasper."

I stared at her, trying to figure out if she needed me at this moment to put aside my own life's events and be a friend. Bella had trouble meeting my eyes.

"Then I heard my mom shriek, "Oh, you should have seen six your old Alice running around in nothing but high heels claiming to be a playboy playmate in front of her father's clients—he nearly had a heart attack."

_Crap_. My mother was telling stories. I felt torn between my need to prevent my mother from disclosing certain events in my life she felt were funny while I felt they were utterly horrifying.

"We'll talk about this later, you got it, young lady," I said, trying to sound stern.

"Yes, ma'am," she answered, and she gave me a genuine grin. She then enveloped me in a hug.

"Too Emmett's not here," I told her. "That hug probably would have given him fantasy material for the next couple of decades."

She laughed and threw me a bathrobe. I put it on, ran to my closet and grabbed my Sunday outfit. Yes, today was Saturday, but since I wanted to look old and mature (i.e. church outfit) in front of my parents. Sexy Saturday was probably not something my father's heart could handle anyway.

Half an hour later, I'd gotten my clothes on, hair fixed, and makeup nearly done, when the door opened and Ang strolled in. Bella was MIA after saying she needed to run a quick errand.

"Where's Jasper and my parents?" I asked.

"Oh, Jasper's giving them the five cent tour around campus," she replied. "He's charming the socks off of them. I guess that's the advantage of dating an older man. Maybe Jazz could give Jake some lessons."

"So it's going well?"

"Yeah, they've both discovered their mutual love of Civil War trivia. It is so funny because your dad keeps saying how impressed he is with Jasper's knowledge of history. I keep wanting to tell him its because Jasper lived through it."

"I'm almost done and then I hope we eat at some restaurant that serves booze. After the week I've had, I deserve it!"

"Just make sure your mom doesn't drink."

"Why can't she drink?"

"Because she's pregnant."

"What?!?" I shrieked.

"I think… this might be a fairly immediate thing," mumbled Angela. "She has the threatening aura of a pregnant woman, there's this pinkish glow around the aura."

"You mean she and my father just, just, just," I searched frantically for the word. "conceived? Earlier today? In my dad's car?"

"I believe so," Ang replied. "What's more, I am seeing the aura on _a lot_ of women on campus. I think the lust wave that Jasper created caught a lot of women unprepared. Nine months from now there is going to be a baby boom."

"Un-freaking-believable. I'm gonna have to wrestle the wine away from my mother all day long and somehow get her to give up alcohol. There is no way she's gonna believe that she's pregnant. She and my father have been trying for years to get pregnant again. Plus, at her age isn't she like menopausal or something. She's 44 years old. I didn't even know 44 year olds _could_ get pregnant and…"

"Um, Alice," Ang interrupted. She hesitated before she said the next, "Someone else you know is pregnant."

I looked at her blankly. "Rosalie?" I guessed.

"Actually, I haven't seen Rose yet so I don't know."

"Jada?" I asked, guessing our just laid RA may have been more relaxed than usual due to pregnancy hormones or something.

"Bella."

"Fuck no. Edward and she didn't have sex. He's just fingered her, I promise you."

"I can't tell you who the father _is_ but I can tell you that Bella is preggers. I can't believe I've missed it before this because she is a couple of months along. I only checked her because of your mom's pregnancy—your mom's aura is pretty in your face."

Say it with me you all: WHAT THE FUCK?

**Yeah, sorry about the cliffy. Sometimes stories write themselves. Even I was shocked that Bella is pregnant. I am definitely setting up The Good Looking Loony Toons Vampire Guy (the sequel).**

**I am honored and amazed that The Good Looking Looney Toons Stalker Guy was nominated for a couple of ****The Indie Twific Awards ****for Best Crackfic WIP, Best AU WIP, Best Non ExB Storyline, Best Use of Comedy, Most Original Story Line.**

**I would love it if you all went and voted for GLLTSG at /**

**If for some reason the website doesn't show up, just google theindietwificawards! :)**

**My recs for some good reading: Alphabet Weekends by the-glory-days. Oh, my gosh it is funny BUT VERY NC-17. Anyone surprised I'm a perv? Really, you were?**

**Lastly, I am going to publish an entirely **_**new **_**story in the next week or so that is completely all human. I went on vacation last week, ate rich food, got tons of sleep and exercise, and then worked 12 hours straight and pounded out 10+ chapters of this story.**

**As some of my reviewers know, I do better when I get to write a variety of things (which is why I've been doing the one shots). I get stymied and bored just writing one story. Please keep an eye out for it, its called ****Eddie's Little Secret****. **

**I hope everyone is having a great summer. Thanks for reading. Please drop me a review so I know that I am not just sending radiowaves into space! :)**


	18. Chapter 18

**Special thanks so everyone who reviewed last chapter. My brain is percolating with all of your wonderful contributions.**

**This chapter is dedicated to Vampira who is a great life preserver when I am drowning. **

**Thanks fo everyone who helped get GLLTSG into the final round of fhe TwiFic Indie awards--voting started on the 22nd and will end on the 29th. Please show your love at http[colon][forward slash][forwardslash]www[dot]theindietwificawards[dot]com[forward slash]voteround2[dot]aspx**

**You can figure out that website address (I had to type out punctuation or it'll magically disappear on fanfiction) or you can just google Twi Fic Awards. Please vote. ******

After Angela's big pregnancy pronouncement I of course couldn't find Bella anywhere to verify. I felt like the world's worst best friend if it was true. How the hell did I miss the fact that she was 2 month plus preggers? When had she had sex?

Did this mean James was the father? Yuck. Please let anyone else be the father. Maybe Bella was abducted by aliens and impregnated in a weird experiment. Or maybe the invisible man snuck into her room and knocked her up while she was reading-a wild herd of buffalo could stampede through our dorm room and Bella wouldn't notice if her nose was stuck in a book. If there are werewolves, vampires, and incubi, surely there's an invisible man. Anything would be better than James.

I shuddered, trying to keep my mind from flashing back to James' assault. I instead re-focused on the problem of the missing best friend.

It was like she'd disappeared into thin air: she didn't answer her cell, she wasn't in the dorm, and none of her other friends knew where she was.

_Nada._

Bella just didn't go places without checking in with me first and she'd agreed to go shopping with my parents. I couldn't imagine a legit reason why Bella, the people pleaser, would ever disappoint the people she loved, especially my parents, whom she at least _claimed_ to love.

I even made Angela call James to see if Bella had been brainwashed by zombie cheerleaders who forced her to talk to the asswipe. No cigar. James swore up and down that he hadn't seen Bella since yesterday, when we'd all invaded his house. Angela said he was telling the truth. I guess she's also a voodoo lie detector.

Ang went off to do a sweep of the libraries and bookstores and I was stuck in my dorm room, holding down the fort and waiting for my parents and Jasper to return from their "walk".

So now I was torn: _should I sacrifice Jasper at the parental alter while running around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to find her possibly knocked up best friend or should I rescue my cute incubus boy toy and keep my mother from divulging that I played with my barbies until I was 15?_

I wasn't even positive that Bella _was_ knocked up. I mean how accurate are witchy pregnancy tests anyway? Just because Ang was super powerful and could make luxury johns appear in tiny dorm rooms didn't mean she was infallible. Maybe the whole mating thing had confused Bella's aura.

Or maybe she and Edward had met at a bar two months ago and someone had spiked his synthetic blood and her Shirley Temple. Trashed out their minds, they'd, had unprotected sex, but then woken up without any memory of the night before and now Bella was carrying a half vamp/ half human bambino. A girl can hope, couldn't she?

_Just please, God, please do not let James be the father._

My musings were interrupted by a loud knock on the door. I recognized the cadence immediately. My father was probably the one 5 foot nothing fifty plus Irish American who belonged to a step group. Don't ask.

I pulled open the door to see my tiny parents surrounding my dazed, gigantic in comparison fiancé. He had my mom's distinctive pink lipstick all over his face.

"So are we ready to go, honey?" my father asked while scanning the room, looking for clues to any nefarious deeds Bella and I might be doing. "We're hitting the mall, right?"

"Um..." I said, still undecided. I looked up, way up, at Jasper's face. He had a hopeful, pleading expression.

Fuck.

"_Chica_," my mother practically trilled. "Jazzy here is an utter delight. We have had the best time getting to know your young man. And we've already started planning the engagement party. He's helping come up with a guest list."

Mind settled.

"Mom," I whined, as I grabbed my purse and the keys to lock up. "Jas-_PER_ and I just got engaged, we haven't gotten a chance to decide anything."

My mother actually stuck out her bottom lip and pouted, giving me the motherly version of my own puppy dog face.

"Alice," Jasper said, the sound of his voice playing my nerves like a piano. "You're mother has a lot of great ideas that I am sure we can consider once you and I decide what we want. It wouldn't hurt to hear her out. I can assure you she's speaking from love."

My mom and I both covered our hearts at practically the same time and swooned. He sounded so reasonable. And so sexy with that drawl of his. Meow.

My father snorted. "Been kissing the blarney stone, son?" he asked, sounding like a mob boss. "You may have a talent for the law. I know a couple of lawyers who could learn a thing or two from you. Think about it"

"Thank you, sir," my handsome, tall hunk told my dad. He then turned and sent a wink towards me, which totally made all the right places in my body _very _happy.

Jasper immediately doubled over as if in pain. I rushed over to him practically, knocking my dad out of the way, concerned that something was wrong. A little voice of self doubt whispered that I didn't deserve a great guy like him. Panic and fear seared through me.

Jasper slowly stood up and leaned his head against my shoulder. "You cannot feel that way around your parents. They're eye level with my crotch, sweetheart. And your father told me that he could become a hanging judge if necessary."

Oops.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly. If Jasper and I were going to survive as a couple I was going to have to learn some self restraint. Which was really hard since I was now inhaling his scent and his mouth was just a couple of centimeters from my ear.

"Imagine your parents planning our wedding," Jasper threatened.

That did it. My ardor completely deflated. If I let my mom plan my wedding, there's a good chance I'd be walking down the aisle in an ivory pantsuit surrounded by much past their prime zombie ex-cheerleaders who'd received too many gift certificates to the plastic surgeon. Florida can be a scary place.

"Is everything alright?" my mom asked. She and my father were looking at Jasper as if he'd suddenly transformed into a Matithe demon.

"I bruised my ribs yesterday while playing basketball. And then, when I saw your daughter, I caught my breath. I guess I didn't realize I was holding it for so long cause I suddenly had to gasp for air and I felt a sharp twinge in my side," Jasper lied smoothly. "I guess Alice just takes breath away and she may be dangerous to my health." My mother simpered, obviously believing every silken syllable.

He was very good at lying. I am not sure I liked that my man who could lie so well.

My father grunted, obviously a little more suspicious. I would have to worn Jasper that dad's bullshit meter is second only to my own.

"Let's blow this popsicle joint," I announced brightly, throwing my purse over my shoulder and looping my arm through my father's, practically dragging him out. Jasper jauntily offered his own arm to my mother and she took it, while (I swear) giggling.

Watching Jasper fold his long body into the back of my parents' Mercedes was a hoot. The best part was I got to squish in next to him and we held hands on the way to the mall.

I have to give my parents props-they are super supportive of my dreams. When I finally convinced my dad halfway through my junior year of high school that I was really serious about fashion, he took it upon himself to listen.

To me.

About fashion.

He and my mom religiously read my weekly blog and my newspaper articles.

And my parents come shopping with me every couple of months-not to buy me things, I earn all of my spending money, but to hear my ideas and help me make decisions. My father has actually developed quite an eye.

And, trust me, fashion was not what my father, the federal judge, or my mother, the real estate mogul, ever wanted for their only child. But once they realized that I was serious about pursuing a career as a fashion designer or stylist (I still haven't decided), they decided to support me 110%.

Sniff. I love my parents. I am so very blessed to have them in my life.

My parents also have pretty much adopted Bella, whom I've known since junior high, as a second daughter or a least the nice quiet niece who comes to visit and is way smarter and politer than their own spawn. Well, she is. Unfortunately for Bella, my father decided she would one day be a great lawyer and follow in his footsteps and uphold his legacy. Doesn't matter to him a bit that she hates to talk in front of groups of people or that she falls asleep during the 2nd half of law and order (during the law part). Bella would be thrilled if my father turned his eye on Jasper instead.

Man, I hope she's ok. I swear I could even accept James at the father of her baby as long as she's ok. I'd help her sue the SOB for child support and make sure he never gets within a mile of the child. I'd even castrate him.

To be fair, even if Bella isn't impregnated by him, I think castrating James is a great idea.

Jasper sat quietly staring at me while I let my mind wandered off until a zillion directions, my right hand clasped gently in his left. I found myself leaning against him, taking comfort from his silent support. I knew he could feel my concern for Bella.

We arrived at the mall and I shook off my worries. I needed to concentrate on the present-I rarely got to spend time with my parents and I wanted Jasper to love them as much I did. I led the way as we headed to a couple of my favorite boutique shops.

I hoped Jasper survived this trip because I mean, although this may be a normal Brandon family bonding moment, most guys consider shopping torture. I owed him big time for being such a good sport.

_Do not think about you want to make it up to him. Do NOT. _

_Split ends. _

_Stubbed toes. _

_Hang nails. _

_Grunge._

Ah, back to normal.

My concern for Jasper's well being went straight out the door when I spotted the latest Kate Spade bag and squealed. My parents and I huddled around the purse: we examined the stitching and the angles of the cuts, engrossed in deciphering what lay behind the cool colors and bold clasp.

Somewhere in our conversation on the pros and cons of investing in trendy luxury purses, I remembered about the fourth member of our group. I looked up hesitantly, afraid to find a suffering look on Jasper's face, or, even worse, a look of disgust.

Instead, he was smiling broadly at me, a look of awe on his face. I looked around to see what had painted such delight across his features and then realized it must be me. I was puzzled because he had the same almost dopey expression for the remainder of the three hours of our shopping expedition. He'd even been drawn into a discussion about belts and whether they always needed to match a person's shoes.

He was of the opinion they did not. It's ok. I can accept Jasper's flaws. I have the rest of our lives to figure it out.

I pushed aside my worries about the difference in our life expectancies, deciding not to ruin my great day by tormenting myself with things I could not change. I'd worry about it after my parents left this evening.

"You're so happy when you shop," Jasper explained as we trailed later that evening behind my parents into their favorite barbeque joint. "And when you find something you really like you're happiness is almost orgasmic I get to experience it with you."

I actually blushed. I'd never really shared how shopping made me feel before. But then again I really couldn't hide my emotions from Jasper.

"No, sweetheart, don't be embarrassed. I want to make you that happy all the time. Your happiness is absolutely beautiful and it makes me feel incredible. You have to promise to take me the next time you go shopping."

I was stunned. Absolutely blown away. How perfect was this guy?

Jasper must have sensed my amazement because he leaned down until his forehead touched mine and he whispered, "The feeling is second only to being inside of you, my love."

That did it--I was suddenly ablaze _everywhere_. Jasper gently laid his lips on my mine and I grabbed the back of his head to pull him down, crushing his lips to mine and molding my body to his.

Hello, general junior. How much funny was it that my perception about Jasper's boner could change so dramatically from 6 months ago. The first time I felt junior, I'd thought Jasper was a freaking weirdo, a real loony toons. I ended up kneeing him in the balls. Then when he started following me around I'd thought he was freaky stalker guy. I thought of him as my own good looking loony toons stalker guy. Now I just thought of him as my love. Easier to say than good looking loony toons stalker guy for sure.

"Alice," called my mother from the door of the restaurant, "our table is ready."

Jasper jumped away from me like a blast had gone off between us, mumbled something about needing to get an item from the car and ran away, careful to keep his back to my mom.

Cockblocked. _Damn._

"He will make you a good husband," my mother predicted as she guided me inside. "He must be a dynamo in bed and his body... _muy caliente_.

"Mo-om," I shrieked. "Am I going to have to watch you around my man?" I joked.

"Not with the way your father jumped me this afternoon," she replied, "I have my own hot man."

_Ewww..._

"Come on, _chica_," she said, "I'll buy you a beer"

Oh, shit.

I spent the next hour trying to convince my mother to give up all alcohol for the next couple of months. Jasper had rejoined us after a couple of minutes in the parking lot and sat quietly as I tried to persuade my mother to abstain. It's not that she's an alcoholic but she has been known to hit one too many margaritas at the annual realtors convention.

Of course, she and my dad thought I was bonkers (my mother revisited the cult idea from earlier). They started looking at Jasper, wondering if he'd somehow driven me crazy.

I lied and that I'd had a dream in which my mother was pregnant and the dream had seemed _so_ real. Like a prophesy or something. I said I was concerned because I didn't want anything to hurt a possible little brother or sister. My parents didn't buy it.

I eventually got hysterical enough that I spooked my mother and she finally swore up and down she wouldn't drink. Just to be on the safe side, I snuck away and called Angela, asking her to put a spell on my mom that made her lose interest in booze. She promised she would. She laughed when I asked her to do so immediately. I heard a poof and she assured me the spell was cast.

Sure enough, when I returned to dinner the waiter was placing a beer in front of my mother. The alchie. What--she can't wait five minutes before she starts boozing?

"_Mija_, it was just a dream," she said, looking a little guilty. "I'm on vacation and you talking about alcohol suddenly made me crave a beer with my barbeque."

"Let your mother drink her beer, munchkin," my father ordered. "You're being absolutely irrational. I am relieved that a level headed, normal guy like Jasper still wants to shackle himself with you after your little display of insanity,"

"I think Alice is just being cautious," Jasper argued, defending me. "How about Ms. Brandon just abstain from beer for a month or so until Alice's suspicions are either proven or disproved. It's really not that big of a deal for Alice's well being, is it?"

"Jasper and Alice, it is very sweet of you to think I am young enough to be pregnant," declared my mother. "But trust me when I saw it isn't possible." A trouble look crossed her face and my father wrapped an arm around and drew her to him while glaring daggers at me and Jasper.

Fuck. I'd overlooked the fact that my parents had tried numerous times to get pregnant unsuccessfully. I was really rubbing salt into an old wound.

My mother drew herself up, pasted a bright smile on her face, brought the beer bottle to her mouth, and then poured beer all over her head.

It was a long trip back to my dorm room.

**Believe it or not this is a VERY important chapter--it has some heavy foreshadowing. And I do not mean James is the father! Would I be that obvious? Maybe. Maybe not. **

**First time Alice kicks Jasper in the balls (ouch!) is in my one-shot When Jasper Met Alice. The big perv scene from chapter 16 told from Eddie's POV (chapter 3 of Edward's Treatment) has also been published.**

**Please review and keep inspiring me to give up sleep, cuddling with my hubby, and nights out with my friends so I can huddle around my laptop, cackling crazily, while writing a new chapter.**

**Go vote!!! ******


	19. Chapter 19

**Author Notes:**

**GLLTSG won an Twific Indie Award in the Best Crackfic WIP category!!!!!! Yeah!!!! Thank you so much to everyone who voted. Thank you to RoseArcadia for nominating me and totally pimping me out. You can find her on fanfiction and the Twilighted forums and she has made all sorts of banners, gifs, etc. for GLLTSG. Bug her if you want any. **

**I am truly blessed to have the best readers/ reviewers ever. I cherish all the friendships I have made. **

**This chapter is dedicated to TallulahBelle who has just published the first chapter of a great new fanfiction Elemental. She already has me hooked!**

Top of Form

Bella wasn't at the dorm when we returned.

After my parents had dropped us off, the front steps of my dorm were as far as Jasper and I had gotten. We'd both lingered on the steps for a while stuttering and blushing, until we realized there was no way in hell Jasper and I could go up to my dorm room alone, even to check to see if Bella was there or not. Neither of us trusted ourselves to not get into the same freakin' situation as before. And, as enjoyable as my cold, wet medical treatment had been, I was still really, really freaked about the group sex thing. Not to mention the resulting maternal pregnancy and campus orgy.

_I wonder if that is why Bella is hiding—maybe she's really embarrassed by what happened. Or is it because she's pregnant? Or does she just want to give me a Jazz some time alone?_

The need to be with Jazz was becoming all consuming--I couldn't even bear to leave him for the five minutes it would take to check the dorm room for Bella. _I know, Jazz._ An afternoon with my mother had made the nickname acceptable. But I still refused to call him Jazz-_i._ He was not a miniature schnauzer or something.

So Jazz and I had plopped down on the front steps as I made repeated calls up to my room. _Nada._

"Alice," called a nasally female voice. "Why are you loitering on the front steps? Who's your friend?"

Fuck. It was my fuzzy navel hating bitch of a RA Jada. And she was fucking making eyes at my man, looking like she wanted to slap him between two slices of bread and devour him. I quenched the unfamiliar need to slap her into next Sunday.

"Jada," I replied in the same tone she'd used. "This is my _fiancé _Jasper Hale." Man, I love saying that word. Fiancé. Fiancé. Fiancé.

"Well, it is _so_ nice to meet you," Jada replied as she extended a hand out to Jazz. He tentatively shook it, wrinkling his nose as if she smelled badly.

"Jada, I need you to go up and check on Bella and see if she is alright," I told her in my sweetest, little girl voice.

"Why the hell can't you do it yourself?" she asked sourly. Yeah, Jada is a real bitch. "Just because I'm your residential advisor does _not_ make me your personal servant."

"Bitch, Alice and I are not yet joined and therefore it would be dangerous for us and all of your charges if she and I were to venture up to her room," Jasper replied in a commanding voice, a cloak of authority settling easy on his shoulders. I could no longer think of him as my carefree shopping loving Jazz.

"Plus, I'm sure that jumping the cable guy is not one of the normal duties of a RA," I added, my smile firmly in place. "But maybe I should check with the campus housing authority to make sure."

"Fine," she said grumbling. "But you owe me, incubus." And with that she stormed off.

I was shocked. How the fuck had she known that Jasper was an incubus? And I was also a little put off by this new side of Jasper. Who was this scary guy who called women bitches?

"Uh, I know that Jada _is _a bitch, but I really don't condone calling a woman a bitch to her face," I told Jasper. "It just seems really disrespectful to women in general."

He burst out laughing, the serious authoritative air about him instantly disappearing, and gathered me into his arms.

"Alice, baby, Jada is a female werewolf. Bitch is her title in the pack. I was actually following proper werewolf etiquette by calling her a bitch."

Wow, blow me out of the water—Jada is a werewolf. That is _so_ unfair. If I'd had a normal RA I never would have been caught over and over again breaking rules.

While we were waiting for Jada to return, Jasper checked in with Edward while I called Angela, who had evidently given up her search for Bella and was off carousing with her werewolf beau on his reservation in Washington State. Neither the vamp nor witch knew where Bella could be. When I started asking Ang about a location spell or something, the cell phone reception cut out and we were disconnected.

I guess the reservation must be out in the boonies or something. A tribe full of werewolves living outside of Seattle on a reservation—that was really funny in a messed up sort of way. A small, internal voice niggled at me: had Ang not wanted to answer my question and that's why the phone had disconnected? Was there a reason she didn't want to help me find Bella?

I also wondered if I could get away with calling Ang a bitch under the guise of werewolf etiquette now that she was part of Jake's pack. I mean she didn't really turn people who pissed her off into pillows.

Right?

I wonder if I'd done the right thing asking Ang to help with the situation with my mom.

"A penny for your thoughts, love."

"I was thinking about how my mother reacted to pouring beer on herself."

Jasper looked like he was trying to hide a smile.

"I know it was pretty funny at the time," I acknowledged. "But I know my parents—they will need a logical explanation for what occurred. I can just see my mother and father freaking out and going to a lot of doctors to figure out what is wrong with her. They're going to make themselves worry like crazy. My dad's probably already lined up a whole squadron of the top medical professionals to poke and prod her. What happens when they don't find anything wrong?"

"Hopefully, one of those tests will detect the baby," Jasper said. "Maybe we can ask Angela to make sure that there is a positive pregnancy test."

"That's a great idea!" I said. Then I remembered my earlier conversation with the witch. "I just hope I can reach her—she was having really trouble with cell phone reception up at Jake's reservation."

Jasper looked troubled at my news—maybe he also thought it was odd that a powerful witch had bad phone reception. "Do you think she's…

"She ain't in there," Jada rudely interrupted, startling me. She'd somehow manage to get right behind without my hearing. Bitch. Jasper, however, didn't appear to be phased by her sudden appearance at all.

"Are you sure?" I asked. Maybe Bella was smartly avoiding the bitch and pretending not to be home.

"Yeah, there is nothing out of the ordinary in your room. But I did notice a lot of her clothes are missing as well as her favorite pillow and that ratty plush bear she always sleeps with."

Oh. My. God.

The bitch had a key to my room. Psycho bitch. I resisted the urge to run to local Home Depot and grab the biggest deadbolt ever along with a bucket load of disinfectant.

"Bitch, you are never again to enter into my mate's room without her permission again," said Jasper, his face once again stonily composed.

Jada looked like she wanted to object but something about Jasper kept her quiet. "Sure," she muttered, actually looking a little scared, and she scurried away.

Wow. I honestly didn't know what to do with this side of Jasper. I mean, I knew he'd been a warrior in the past and that meant he'd dealt with violence and death, but I had been thinking about it with a historical, romantic perspective. You know, the chivalrous knight.

But I was coming to realize that there wasn't anything romantic about a person who had that sort of power. It was fucking scary as shit.

"Darlin', do you want to go for a walk?" Jasper asked, interrupting my troubling thoughts. I quickly agreed because I was uncomfortably full from the brisket sandwich, side of ribs, corn on the cob, mash potatoes, and banana pudding I'd consumed at dinner. Plus, although I was now more than a little scared of Jasper and really worried about Bella, I still couldn't muster up the gumption to leave his side.

Why the hell had she taken her clothing? If she took her favorite pillow it meant that she was staying away from the room for more than an afternoon. Damn.

I groaned as we rose from our seats on my dorm's front steps as my stuffed tummy protested the movement. I'd have to wait a bit before I ate dessert.

We'd had an early dinner with my parents so it was early evening, the twilight hour, when the sun has pretty much disappeared but it was still light out.

It was funny to walk side by side with Jasper because he completely towered over me. He initially tried to offer me his arm, which I thought was such an old world, genteel thing to do, but it didn't work very well. I basically had to reach straight up and hold his very large bicep. So instead he reached down clasped my hand in his.

We had to also figure out our stride because if he didn't pace himself, his long legs could easily out pace me and he'd end up dragging me a long like a small Chihuahua on a leash or something. How funny that I'd committed to spend the rest of my life with a guy before we even learned how to walk hand in hand.

"Jasper?" I asked hesitantly. "I am a little freaked out by what happened with Jada. You can be really scary and I feel like there is an entire side to you I don't know and I'm not sure that I entirely understand."

Jasper sighed. "Alice, the blessing and curse of being an incubus is that I know you're scared. And I truly regret scaring you. I pledge that I will never, ever hurt you. As my mate, it is my duty to protect you and ensure your happiness."

"What will you do to Jada if she does go back into my dorm room?"

He sighed again. "I will simply approach her pack leader and ask that she be punished and removed from this campus."

"And he would follow your request?"

"_She_—werewolf packs are matriarchal. But, yes, the pack leader would accede to my wishes."

"Why?"

Jasper started laughing. "I don't think I've ever had to talk this much in my entire life. And I know I've not had to defend my actions for at least a thousand years."

"Well, get used to it buster."

"Oh, I plan to," he said with a wide smile. "I love that you challenge me and, even though you are frightened of me, you fight that fear to get what you want. I have a petite warrior for a mate. Plus, I remember your torture techniques—maybe I should teach all my cadets how to extract information with a blow job. You made me sing like a canary." And suddenly his eyes darkened and he roughly pulled me into his embrace for a kiss.

Knowing that my Jazz had darkness in him somehow made him even sexier. And I felt a surge of excitement as his lips touched mine. He opened his mouth and started to plunder my mouth, completely overwhelming me, and, so help me, I absolutely loved it. I wanted to surrender completely to this man, completely submit my will to him.

God, I was starting to act like Bella. Thoughts of my friend helped force reality back into the mix and I realized that we needed to stop.

Jasper immediately drew back from the kiss and basically sprinted across the path, placing a tree in between the two.

"Sorry," he said, a look of pain across his face. "I couldn't have controlled myself if I hadn't felt your worry and doubt. I should have better control over myself, but I am losing the battle against resisting you."

I would have been flattered but I knew that an out-of-control Jasper could be very dangerous. Just getting me healed from our last freakathon had resulted in my mother and who knows how many other women getting pregnant.

"How are we going to handle this?" I whispered, wrapping my arms around my middle. I was trying to defy the pull I felt to touch Jasper. It felt as if my soul was weeping at the loss of his touch.

"Honey, we need to join immediately," he said. "I was hoping to give you a little bit more time to become comfortable with me but we're out of luck. Once we our souls have joined, we will be normal again and we won't have to constantly been together. Right now, our souls are desperate to be together, to unify."

"Normally, I'd say our souls wanting to join together is a sweet concept, but this is just too painful."

"Don't worry, babe. I'll take care of everything."

Jasper took out his cell phone from his pocket and spoke in a foreign Greek-ish language to whoever he was speaking with. At first he was jubilant, but then he shot me an unsure look which was almost immediately covered with a stony, blank passed expression.

Damn, I wish I could feel his emotions right now or read his mind. What was he worried about? Did it concern Bella? Was she alright? If Jada was to believed, it sounded like Bella had gone into hiding somewhere, taking her clothes and bear with her. If only I knew what the hell Jasper was saying: it was _very_ rude that he was speaking in a language I didn't understand! What was he hiding? Being human could certainly be a disadvantage in this relationship.

"Don't worry, honey," he repeated again with broad smile. "I've set up the joining ceremony for this evening."

"Great," I said halfheartedly. Jasper crossed over to me and carefully took my hand in his. We both sighed in relief. I instantly felt better.

"So what is a joining ceremony? Is it a formal thing? What should I wear? Where and what time will it take place?"

"Relax, sweetheart. All the details will be handled, everything down to what you and I will be wearing. The actual formal ceremony will begin at around 9 pm tonight at the KK fraternity house. I am forbidden to give you any other specifics until the ceremony. "

_Well, isn't that convenient. Forbidden. _

"Fuck, it's what almost seven right now, right? That means the ceremony is in, what, two hours?" I started hyperventilating. "I thought I'd have a couple of months to get to know you while planning our wedding. Now I only have two hours and someone else is planning the damn thing. I haven't let someone else dress me since I was six years old!"

Note: do not, I repeat, do not bust out laughing when I am in full panic. I normally am cool as a cucumber---no, really I am damnit—but when I panic, I expect to be taken seriously.

My fucking fiancé busted out laughing and I saw red.

"You asshole! You get to keep all your fucking secrets and I just have to go along with it." I yanked my hand from his and instantly my essence started to protest, loudly, the lack of contact.

My own soul was betraying me.

Jasper softly chucked and took me into his embrace, ignoring my half hearted protests.

"Alice, I still want to marry you. You'll still have your beautiful wedding. And, believe it or not, I don't know much about this joining ceremony either. Unmated Others are not permitted to attend. But we need to join or we'll make ourselves crazy or…"

Jasper didn't finish his thought but I knew he was worried about hurting me again.

"So what do we do for the next two hours?" I asked.

Jasper's eyes darkened. "Edward has a room at the KK House that I am sure he'd lend us. I don't think we can do too much damage in such a short amount of time." He leaned down to kiss and then pulled back, groaning. "If I kiss you now, I will not be able to stop."

We started walking again at a much faster rate, Jasper practically dragging me along. He got impatient with my much shorter stride and swung me up into his arms. OMYGOD! Being cradled in Jasper's arms while crossing campus just fulfilled a wish I never knew I had. My social standing must be sky rocketing. And, fuck, his arms were bulging and that dimple in his chin is so cute. And boy does he smell good.

Fuck, I needed to distract myself or I'd start mauling him.

"Jazz, you never answered my question about Jada—why would her pack leader comply with your demands?"

Jasper rubbed my back as he spoke, the only indication that he might be a little nervous.

"Alice, my parents are members of the Other's Counsel, our ruling body. I myself am considered an elder; partly because I have lived such a long time, and I have a place at the Counsel should I ever want it. I have also been designated by the Counsel as a protector of our people and I have spent hundreds of years waging battle of their behalf."

"I am having trouble understanding this…intellectually I know you're basically a soldier but that's just not how I see you."

Jasper grinned at me. "Babe, I was more than a solider. I am basically the equivalent of a five star general."

"Great," I muttered. Feeling tears brush up against my eyes. I hid my head in Jasper's chest.

"Babe, what's wrong? I can feel your distress but I am not sure its cause. I can't read your mind like Edward."

"Jazz, I am basically a happy, go lucky kind of gal. I'm a pacifist. I don't like the idea of you placing yourself in danger, ever."

"Shhhh," Jasper said as he brushed my hair with his lips. "Right now, there is no need for warriors so I can be the student and enjoy life. Once I am mated, I will rarely be called upon to battle or protect. That burden will get passed to the young unmated bucks."

"Jazz, how, as an incubus, could you stand fighting anyone? I mean you can feel their emotions, their pain."

"Yes," he replied. "And I can anger them beyond reason or bring such despair that they give up without much of a fight. I, too, believe it or not am a pacifist. I am effective because I can prevent as many battles as I have to actually fight."

I snorted.

"No, seriously," he said. "I became a warrior because that is what young incubuses did when we were young adults in my time. I stayed on for over a thousand years because I was unmated and because I was good at it. But given a choice, I would have much preferred becoming a scholar. And now that I am mated, I am more than ready to never fight again."

He sighed and planted a kiss on the back of my neck. "It does suck to feel the pain of your enemy as you battle, but for an unmated incubus that emotion is just another meal. Partly, I had to fight so I didn't starve. Waging battle was how incubi were able to give up their yearly sacrifice. But now that I am mated, I have you to satisfy me."

"Like a nice Big Mac, huh?"

"No, more like a perfectly cooked rare, top grade filet mignon with a side of mashed potatoes and corn."

"Man, you are a southern boy. I thought you couldn't eat regular food."

"I don't have to and some incubi, like Rosalie, choose not to eat human food. Me, I love a good steak. Didn't you see me eating barbeque earlier with your parents?"

"I did but I felt so bad. I thought you'd have to barf it up or something."

Jasper burst out laughing and whirling around. We spun until I was dizzy and the world was blurry.

Jasper's eyes again darkened. I suddenly couldn't figure out why I shouldn't jump Jasper and try out the positions in Bella's copy of the _Kama Sutra_ she has hidden at the back of our closet underneath a Webster's Dictionary (I found it when I had to look up the meaning of the word quixotic, which basically means something like idealistic or romantic). There a couple of positions that I'd love to try from that learned text. I bet Jasper's strong enough and I'm pretty bendy.

Luckily, as if some fate was watching carefully over us an wanted to prevent our arrest for public indecency, my stomach lurched and I suddenly barfed all over Jasper.

He let me go and jumped almost a yard away.

Relief. The tight feeling my stomach lessened.

"Jazz, are you okay?" I called to him. He was wearing my dinner across his shirt. Even covered with upchuck, though, he was still the sexiest man alive and I had to actively plant my feet on the ground to keep from running over to him and kissing his lips. Vomit filled shirt be damned.

"You're the one sick and you're asking me if I'm okay? Jasper stripped off his shirt and I basically swooned. "Alice, are _you_ alright?"

"I'm feeling better. I think I might have overdone it at dinner a teensy bit. I tend to be an emotional eater and I am really worried about my mother and Bella. "

Well, I was worried about Bella and mother. _Really_. But now my eyes were glued to Jasper's chest. I reached over and ran a hand down his pecs, threading my fingers through the treasure trove that lead down to his belt.

I was contemplating dropping to my knees so I could properly worship my man's gifts when I felt an arm snake around me from behind and pull me away from Jasper.

I instinctively stabbed my elbow back as I'd been taught in self defense class. Now, this would have been great if I'd been normal size and my attacker had been normal size. I would have hit my attacker perfectly in the abs.

Instead, I hit a bit lower. Which is why Emmett was howling in pain on the ground cupping the family jewels.

Oops.

**End Note:**

**Please go and check out the Other stories in the series. All of the stories are one-shots, with the exception of Edward's Treatment, which is Alice's "treatment" told from Vampward's POV. Tasty, I promise.**

**Also, if you haven't already found it, I have started another story, completely outside of the Others Series (totally human). It's called Eddie's Little Secret. I think it's a really fun ride, but I may be a little biased. ******

**I will respond to anyone who reviews exactly where Bella is right now—even if its just to say "Boo!". However, I will not tell you why and how she got there... **


	20. Chapter 20

So I was in the bathroom now, trying hard not to watch my hot-as-a-lava-rock fiancé shower off the stink of my vomit. Our needy souls wouldn't even permit us to give us privacy to bathe alone. I couldn't stand to be even more than three feet away from him, not to mention outside a closed door.

And to make sure I didn't jump Jasper while he was naked with hot water streaming down his hard muscles and smooth skin, which were just begging to be touched, Emmett was in the small bathroom with me. I was sitting on the toilet (lid down, you pervs) and Emmett was hunched up by the small pedestal sink. Our knees were pretty much bumping every time one of moved even a centimeter.

Seeing gigantic Emmett smooshed in a small space, desperately not looking in the direction of the shower (which left staring at me or at the white door), would have been fucking hilarious under any other circumstance.

Instead of feeling humor, I was pissed at the cock blocking jerk. I am so glad that I got him in the gonads earlier. And by the way he keeps covering the goods, he can tell—even without empathetic or mind reading abilities—that I would really like to go for round two.

I heard the water shut off. Jeez, Jasper was in there for less than a minute. I heard the shower curtain pull back and gulped.

There stood my babe with a small towel stretched around his middle, frustratingly covering up the goods. His skin still had the faint glow of moisture on it and the hair on his head plastered down, still damp.

Fucking wet dream in a lime green terry cotton towel. I started to reach for his towel when slap!, fucking Emmett slapped my hand. "None of that. Rosie will kill me if you two aren't in one piece and ready to be joined by 8:45 pm).

"Owwwww!" I howled. Damn! That hurt,

Jasper growled, let go of the towel (yes!), and leapt at Emmett, pushing him through the door, the flimsy particle board breaking under their force. And suddenly the two of them were rolling around on the floor of the KK House's second floor hallway, as college age frat guys poured out of their room, whistling and hooting at the fight scene.

"Jasper Whitlock Hale and Emmett Joseph McCartney, you stop this instant!" screamed Rosalie.

The guys ignored her, as they took turns pounding away at each other. Rosalie's face got red and her expression deadly.

Suddenly, there was a wave of calmness rushed through the hallway, making everyone but Rosalie just about catatonic. We slumped slowly down on the floor, melting down to the ground like wax candles, unable to move at all. QB was the only one left standing. Note to self: do not piss off my future sister-in-law.

"You jerks!" she yelled. "Fighting on a day when two souls are to be joined."

"Baby," Emmett slurred. "He started it."

"He slapped Alice," Jasper slowly pronounced.

"EMMETTT" I heard a loud SMACK. Man, I wish I could've turned my head to see.

"Owwwww! Babe, Alice was about to disrobe Jasper and jump on his love stick."

Yeah, just what I wanted a hallway of frat guys to hear. Some of the prone figures actually tried to lift their heads to catcall. They sounded like mice squeaking.

"Come on, sweetheart," QB said and then suddenly she above me and lifting me up into her arms. "Let's get you ready."

I suddenly felt calm but not like a limp noodle anymore. I turned my head to look at Jasper and Emmett and burst out laughing. The two looked like they were locked into a lover's embrace. Naked Jasper was on top of Emmett who had his arms tightly around my fiancé. Their legs were intertwined and with their faces titled toward each other, it looked like they were about to kiss.

It was kind of hot.

"I know," whispered Rosalie.

Fuck me. Why did I have to have in-laws who could detect all of my deviant feelings?

Rosalie burst out laughing as she nudged a room open. "This is the faculty advisor's room but he is permitting us to use it so we can get you ready."

"How is it I can stand to be away from Jasper now?" I asked calmly. Really, I couldn't honestly get myself too worked up about leaving my hunky fiancé back in the hallway. .

"I am controlling your emotions," Rosalie said, a bit smugly. "Jasper could have done this for you if Ang hadn't bound his powers."

"Wow, I feel sort of trippy."

Rosalie winked at me and carried me into a gorgeous luxury bathroom that looked way too big to be in these small living quarters. I wondered if Ang had been the architect behind this john.

Rosalie sat me down on a straight back chair in front of a vanity and turned to fill the Jacuzzi tub with steaming hot water and liquids poured from gorgeous crystal decanters.

"We're going to have hurry," she said as she lifted me up to help me undress. "We only have an hour or so to get Cinderella ready for the ball."

I was settled into heavenly scented bubbles before I even knew it, the hot water soothing my body and helping clear my mind. I accepted Rosalie's help to wash and condition my hair, but drew the line at her lathering me up. She just laughed and gave me a sisterly kiss on the cheek before opening the door to what appeared to be a walk in closet and grabbing a lime green terry cloth robe.

"Lime green?" I asked.

She shuddered. "White and lime green are the frat's colors."

I looked at her in sheer disbelief. Navy blue, forest green, maybe even a burnt orange were acceptable fraternity colors: who had ever heard of lime green?

"Emmett," she simply responded. Yep, that explained it alright.

I rose out of the tub, a little unsteady on my feet, and Rosalie wrapped the fluffy robe over my shoulders and guided me into the closet.

Nirvana. Seriously, it was the walk-in closet of my dreams. It was really a large room and on its walls were neatly organized hanging systems and storage boxes that would have put California Closets to shame. My feet sank into the lush gold flecked carpet and I stared across at bevy of standing mirrors at the center of the room settled into a circle so that a gal could stand in the center could see how she looked from every angle. A huge multi tiered chandelier hung from the center of the room. I never, ever wanted to leave.

Well, okay, I wanted to leave so that I could go shopping and fill the closet with women's clothing. Right now I was surrounded by men's clothing, belts, hats, handkerchiefs, and umbrellas. I didn't know one being could have that many umbrellas.

What kind of guy has a closet like this? And wants to be the den mother for a group of frat guys.? I raised an eyebrow at Rosalie.

"Tom is a Nisse," Rosalie said, as if that explained everything.

"And that is?"

"Scandinavian fairy," Rosalie clarified.

"Huh." She probably didn't mean Tom was attracted to other men. She probably meant a real fairy.

"Nisse like to take care of homes and protect it from misfortune. It's just their thing. They consider it their life purpose or something. We were very lucky to get Tom to take on this post—he's really great at keeping everyone inside safe and sound."

"Oh," I replied with a sheepish smile. "I thought with all these clothes and stuff that he was gay."

"Oh, he is."

"Oh." Note to self: meet Tom. Maybe he'd let me play in his closet.

"So what am I wearing tonight?" Who is setting up this shindig? I never thought I'd get hitched at a frat house. I was thinking more about on the beach in Tahiti."

"I have your outfit right here. Unfortunately, you're stuck wearing it because it is my family's traditional dress," Rosalie went into the closet and yanked out what looked to be a white sheet. "The great thing about a toga, though, is that one size fits all. And my family is hosting the joining ceremony."

"How important is it that I wear a toga?" I asked. "Because droopy sheets are not my best look."

"Very important," sighed Rosalie. "My mother is… a traditionalist. She and my father sit on the Counsel and they head a group of grouchy elders who need to eat more prunes. They are seriously uptight about everyone following their rules and traditions."

"Yikes! And I get her as a mother-in-law?"

"Yeah," sighed Rosalie. "Let's go blow dry your hair and put on your makeup before we put on the toga." She led me over to a vanity that had a variety of makeup on it.

I will not judge you, Tom.

"So tell me more about your family?"

"Well, Jasper and I are the youngest members of our family…. Actually I am the youngest of our kind." Rose started the hair dryer and chose not to talk over the sound of the air blowing. She quickly styled my hair into a faux French twist (my hair wasn't long enough for an actual French twist).

"So you and Jazz seem very close," I prodded Rosalie. She hesitated and nodded. I couldn't figure out why she was reluctant to talk about her family.

She perched on the ledge of the vanity and I started searching thorough the makeup. There was no way I was going to use some strange fairy's foundation, so I decided to go without. I was able to score a whole bunch of never-been-opened eyeliner, mascara, lip stick, etc. so I think I had the basics to make me look at least presentable.

"Are you still mad at Jazz for the whole three-day-sex thing?" I asked Rosalie.

She busted out laughing. "I am so glad your going to be my sister-in-law. And, no, I am not still angry—I was just shocked that my older brother who I totally idolized could brutalize a woman, especially his chosen mate."

"If it helps, I really didn't feel brutalized."

"Yeah, well you're a human."

I threw a tube of lipstick at her, which she easily dodged. "Hey, quit discounting this human, will you? I was able to take Emmett to the ground just now with one little flick of my elbow,"

"Poor baby. I sent after you two after Jasper called me about how much trouble you and he were having staying apart," she admitted.

I chose an eyeliner and started applying. "Well, he'll definitely think twice before he sneaks up on me."

"Absolutely."

"Rosalie, is there a reason why you're the youngest incubi? You sounded kind of sad when you said that?"

"Being an unmated succubus sucks," Rosalie said, bluntly. "Unless you're willing to become a serial killer you're constantly hungry. And let me tell you starvation does nothing to improve your mood."

"This is really personal and you totally don't have to answer if you don't want to, but are you and Emmett planning on having children?" I asked. "Would they be incubi or Mattithe demons?"

"We've decided to not have children." Rosalie said quietly, looking down at her hands. I could tell this topic really upset her and I was so sorry to have brought it up. "We couldn't predict what type of child we'd have. And I could never put my child through what I suffered, not to mention what Jasper went through."

"Well, now Jazz has me!" I said cheerfully, trying to change the subject. "Nice big mac, 2 all beef patty, _special sauce_, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a regular bun."

"I am so grateful for you, big mac," Rosalie whispered fiercely, and she pulled me into a tight squeeze.

"So who's going to be at the joining ceremony? I wish I could find Bella so I could tell her about it."

"Uh, all the Counsel will be there, I'm sure. Plus, I called Angela and Jake and they will definitely be there and they're bringing Ang's in-laws as well, so we're gonna have to air the place out afterwards or it is seriously going to smell like wet dog."

I felt a moment of panic, "Will Edward be there?"

"No, only joined couples are permitted to attend. Unmated Others are not permitted to attend."

Great! I just wasn't ready to face Vampward right now. I totally needed to make peace with how intimately he and I had become acquainted before I saw him again. That should take, what, 2 or 3 hundred years….

"So I guess Angela and Jake are joined."

Rosalie gave me a half shrug, half nod. I guess I wouldn't have been invited to the joining ceremony BUT it would have been nice if one of my closest friends had let me know she'd taken this major step with a guy, scratch that, a werewolf that I barely knew.

"Most of the time joining ceremonies are small things with only one or two other witnesses. Emmett and I were the only witnesses."

I didn't feel appeased at all.

"What about my parents? Did anyone invite them?"

Rosalie checked her own makeup in the mirror, avoiding my gaze. "Alice, the ceremony is for Others and it involves magic and all sorts of special effects. Your parents would freak if they showed up."

"True," I sighed. "It kills me that I won't be able to share this whole world with them. I am so used to sharing everything with them."

"Hey, you have Jasper and the rest of us now. We're gonna be your family."

"I know. I am totally psyched too. I am so glad I've gotten to get to know you and you're not just a queen bitch…."

Fuck, my lack of foresight. I cannot believe I just called her nickname out loud. I prepared to become jello again.

Instead, Rosalie gave me a hug. "Don't worry, Emmett told me about my nickname. And I am totally a bitch to most humans… I just can't afford for them to get too close and figure out what's going on. Now let's get this bed sheet on you."

Rosalie wrapped the long white cloth around me, twirling it around so quickly I didn't quite catch how all the draping occurred. She guided me to the center of the circle of mirrors.

I just about died when I saw my reflection. I looked incredible: like a Greek goddess or something.

"Is that gold?" I just about shrieked. Gold threads were running throughout the material, just faintly visible but giving an unworldly glow to the material.

"Yep," Rosalie answered, popping the "p". "And those are rubies lining the bottom and edges."

I gasped when I saw the edging of the material; sure enough it was lined with pencil point size rubies. I ran my fingers over the stones, stunned to see precious stones in the material.

"You look incredible!" came another female voice and I whirled around, my heart pounding at the unexpected intrusion, to see Angela in the doorway. She, too, was dressed in a toga but her's was a deep green color.

"I am going to leave you with Angela for a bit while I get ready," announced Rosalie. "She's going to help control the longing once I leave."

Rosalie left and I felt her calmness leave as well. Suddenly, I was panicky and nervous and super excited—I could feel the conflicting emotions rising from my center and hitting every extremity. I started vibrating from the tension within.

"Wow, Al, breath," said Ang. She wrapped an arm around me and I felt a little better, but still somewhat tense. Thoughts of Jasper were driving out any other coherent thought in my head. "Damn, your soul's longing to be joined has gotten really strong. I am so glad your joining with Jasper in an hour. After this, I think I need a weeklong vacation in Hawaii."

"Thank you, Ang," I stuttered, trying to concentrate on her while wondering if Jasper was hurt or outside the door or still with Emmett or having second thoughts about joining with me or….

"Jasper is fine," Ang told me as she rubbed my back. Warmth radiated from her hand and helped slow the panic flowing through my body. "He is going to flabbergasted when he sees you, dolly. You look stunning!"

_Well, now that I could think again…_

"Ang, is it my imagination or have you been hiding from me today?" I demanded.

She looked down, guiltily, and started playing with a swag of green material.

"Ang!"

"Honestly, Al, I haven't been hiding from you…."

"Who have you been hiding from then?" I demanded.

"Edward."

"Edward? Why on earth?"

Color rose up Ang's neck and up her cheeks but still she refused to look at me. So I put the old noggin' to working (steam may have been coming out of my ears) and thought about _why_ Al would be avoiding Vampward. It's not like he ate _her_ out, or anything.

I gasped as the answer hit me square between the eyes. "Is it because he can read your mind? Is there something you don't want him to know?"

Al nodded.

"Is it something to do with Bella? Where is she, Ang, do you know?"

"Yes," she said miserably. "She's hiding out in my aunt's old Victorian on a small island off the coast of Maine. She was feeling overwhelmed by the whole mating thing and Edward wasn't leaving her alone so she asked me to put her someplace no one would ever find her."

"Wow, I didn't even know there were islands off the coast of Maine."

"It's really cute. If you're human, you have to take a ferry to get to it and there are only something like 20 cars on the entire island."

"Is Bella pregnant?" I held my breath, awaiting the answer.

"That is not something I can discuss," Ang said, finally raising her eyes to look directly at me. _That means yes._

"Is Edward the father…."

A pounding on the door interrupted our discussion and the door swung open. There in the doorway stood Emmett in a white toga, which looked almost exactly like mine, wearing a huge smile. "Time to hit road, gals!"

I glared at Ang. This conversation was _so _not over.

I was about to open my mouth to continue the interrogation, when Emmett gave out a loud yell and swooped me into his arms. He pounded out of the room and down the hallway.

"Time to make my brother-in-law as miserable as I am!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

**Author Note:**

**Thank you to everyone who has left a review! I am trying to respond but fanfiction review response hates me. It does. So if I didn't respond, I am truly sorry. I do read every review and I love hearing from you.**

**Countdown begins: 2 more chapters until this story is complete!**

**Any ideas for joining ceremony????? Any creastures/ monsters you would love to see in the story?**


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21:

"Put Alice down, you oaf!" Ang ordered. I could hear her footsteps scurrying after us 'cause Emmett was really hauling.

"Pillow!" she screamed.

He stopped abruptly, turned around, adjusted his hold so I was in the crook of one arm and swooped down and gathered Ang in his other arm before bounding down corridor after corridor. Angela huffed but then got comfortable in Emmett's grip and gave a little sigh before settling down.

"Must get you there on time," Emmett muttered, his face flushed with a look of sheer panic. His speed increased and he was leaping dozens of feet at once, moving faster than any lady of reasonable prudence clutched in the arms of a Matithe demon would have liked.

Which meant I loved it.

"Yeesh," I said. "Rosalie really has you on a tight leash."

"Not her," he replied with wide eyes. "It's the in-laws." He shuddered.

Yikes! Those are going to be _my_ in-laws. I suddenly felt green around the gills.

Ang reached over and took my hand gently in hers, squeezing. "Emmett, stop," she commanded. Emmett slowed down a bit, but it was apparent he did not want to stop and risk being late. "Hey, tentacles for brains, I am a witch. I can teleport us to the entrance instantly!"

Emmett screeched to a halt. "Great! And that's testicles for brains, not tentacles. Just remember to take us to…"

We suddenly appeared in a huge room with absolutely nothing in it. The entire room, with huge 20 foot ceilings was painted white; even the floor was white marble. There were absolutely no windows and entrances that I could see. The room was completely plain but for a big white unicorn standing in the middle.

I shit you not. A real live unicorn. A majestic, tall, white unicorn with a really wicked looking horn protruding forth from its forehead, which shimmered iridescently, stood standing still in the dead center of the room.

I squealed with all the maturity of an eight year and ran over to the unicorn, eager to pet it. Before I could reach it, the animal brayed nervously and stamped its feet. I stopped, suddenly unsure that I really wanted to get any closer to its powerful legs.

"Are you a virgin?" it asked in a tenor male's voice.

Shit.

I thought back to reading Madeleine L'Engle as a child and I realized only virgins could touch a unicorn. And wasn't there something like that in that movie _Legend _with a young hot, sane Tom Cruise_. _

Well, my V card had definitely been cashed in. I guess I didn't get to live out every little girl's fantasy, which totally sucked. If this was some kind of weird Others test I'd definitely failed.

_I hope I can still join with…_

"Shut it, Mike," Angela ordered, interrupting my panicking. "You are such a prick sometimes. Alice, don't listen to a word this fool tells you and don't let the packaging fool you: underneath this beautiful exterior is a pimply blonde haired freshman who's just pissed that he's still a virgin."

"Oh," I said, stunned by the revelation. "I guess you're a were-unicorn or something."

"Or something," replied the unicorn, snidely. "I'm a freakin' wizard. I could change for you right now back into my human form and show you my staff if you like."

"No!" both Ang and I shouted. I definitely didn't want to see a naked freshmen wizard's staff right now.

"Alice," said Angela. "Normally, joining ceremonies are informal and small rituals that unite the souls of a mated couple. But tonight will different…"

"Yeah, cause you're mated to _Jasper Hale_," Mike interrupted.

Ang sent a zap at the unicorn's haunches and it whinnied but remained quiet.

"Tonight's ceremony is going to be formal because the Counsel of Others will be here to give their blessings," Ang tried to smile but somehow I got the impression that the counsel's presence wasn't a break-out-the-margaritas kind of thing. "And since you are human, your family is not permitted to attend…"

A waive a pain, more intense than I was prepared for, swept through me. I couldn't believe that I was going to take such a huge step in my life without my mother and father. I understood _why_ it would be imprudent to have a federal court judge at a ceremony full of magic, but still as my mother always says in her thick accent "Zee heart wants what zee heart wants."

And I wanted them here with me.

Badly.

I felt a tear slip down my cheek and Ang wiped it away. "Hey, none of that," she chided. "You'll never forgive yourself if you don't look absolutely fabulous tonight."

I gave her a half smile. The best I could do at the moment.

"Alice, you have been a true friend to me, and I would be honored if you would allow me and mine to present you to Jasper's family and the Others' counsel," Ang stated, her words carrying a flavor of formality and dignity.

Again, I was stunned. I knew Ang was a true friend and, although I had no idea what it meant for her and her kind to present me, I was so glad she was going to help me through this craziness.

"Thank you!" I gave her a big hug.

A male cleared his voice behind us and we broke apart to see who needed our attention.

Carlisle stood in front of me. Instead of a toga, he was dressed in an exquisite Armani tuxedo, from their 2008 formal collection.

"Alice, I hope you will also allow me and mine to present you during the joining ceremony," he said with a wide smile. "Jasper is like a second son to me and I would be honored if you would allow us to support your suit."

Wow. First, seeing Carlisle in a suit meant there was less oxygen going to my brain, as I was pretty much panting. I really, really wanted to check out the cut of that suit. But I am pretty sure he and I need to be closer before he'll let me accost and undress him. Second, suddenly everything had taken on a more formal tone and I was a bit at a loss.

"Carlisle," I said, when I found my voice. "I want to thank you and Edward for all your help. I would be honored if you… ahh… did whatever you're thinking of doing."

"You honor my clan," he said and he took my hand and bowed over it. He stood and then sent a wink to Angela, who stood by wringing her hands. "And don't worry, little witch, I will give your friend a month to make her decisions but then I will tell Edward exactly where she is located. I dislike keeping secrets from my son."

He turned and strode of towards a group of French doors that suddenly appeared on a far wall.

"Bloody mind reading vamps," muttered Angela, staring daggers into Carlisle's retreating back.

"Angela, what is he talking about?" I demanded. She looked at me and sighed.

"Bella," she admitted. "I'm trying to keep away from Edward so he can't read my mind and figure out where she's staying. I thought I would be safe tonight because he couldn't attend but I overlooked the fact that his mated members of his clan might be here."

"Is Bella okay?"

"She's fine. Just battling morning sickness and trying to figure out what she wants to do with the rest of her life"

"So she is preggers?"

"Yeah," replied Angela softly.

"Do you know who the father is?"

"No. Do you?"

"No. But I don't think its Edward."

"I don't either."

We simply stared at each other.

"She's got us," Ang declared. "We'll be there for her. And she also now has Jasper and Jake because they come with the us package. She just needs a little time away from all of this," Angela waived her arms around the stark white room and the unicorn unashamedly eavesdropping.

The French doors appeared again and opened. Carlisle led a possession of people, some clad in green togas like Angela, some in rich gold togas, and some glad in formal ball gowns or tuxedos towards us.

"My people," clarified Angela, "are in the togas. The Others wearing green are werewolves and the Others wearing gold are witches. The Others wearing formal wear are all part of the American Vampire Clan. Let me introduce my mate, Jacob Black." A huge, ruggedly handsome Native American guy strode forward, looking surprisingly comfortable in his toga, and clasped my hand in his and, boy, was his hand warm: I could literally feel heat traveling up my arm.

But that was nothing compared to the warmth his ear to ear grin radiated. I felt an instant connection with this joyful man and grinned back.

"Hello," I said, delighted to finally meet Angela's mate. I also got to meet his immediate family and Angela's immediate family. It was really funny that, aside from being ridiculously attractive, both families seemed pretty normal.

No scary in-laws in this bunch.

Then it was time to meet the formal attire wearing bunch. I wondered how the vamps got out of wearing togas?

"Alice, permit me to introduce my wife, Esme," Carlisle said smoothly. A gorgeous sable haired woman in a gorgeous Oscar Dela Renta ball gown approached me with a smile just as warm as Jake's. She laid a kiss on each of my cheeks, the coolness reminding me of the last time Edward had touched me.

_Ok, put the lid back on that can of worms. _

"Alice, you are an answer to my prayers," she whispered into my ear. "Take care of Jasper."

I loved that. Me, the puny human, taking care of the strong Incubus general. It was true, though, Jasper _did_ need me. At the very least so he could feed…

"Let's get you on a unicorn," said Angela, giving me a small smile.

More butterflies got drunk and smashed around in my tummy. I couldn't believe I was getting worked up over this; normally big events don't phase me at all. But I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen. However, I suspected there'd be a whole lot of crazy.

Ang waived her hand and then I was perched on the unicorn, not astride as I normally was used to, but instead sitting sidesaddle without a freakin' saddle.

I grabbed onto Mike's hair. He whinnied and shook his head. "Not too hard! Not too hard!" I loosened my grip a tad. "Jeez, I promise I won't drop you. If I did that Angela would have a new unicorn blanket for her dorm bed to go with all her damn pillows!"

It was really funny that Angela had such a wicked rep with male Others.

"Jake and Carlisle, will you lead the procession and make the announcement?" Angela called as she smoothed my toga.

Jake and Carlisle started for the door and the group of Others followed. Two lines of Others followed behind the two men, perfectly even since everyone but me was here with their mate. Esme and Angela walked directly in front of me and suddenly everyone in the line but the two leaders, had big gold bowls of brightly colored Gerber daisies, my favorite flower. Two huge silver staffs with red ruby heads appeared in Carlisle and Jake's hands.

Two huge cow bell looking things appeared overhead: they were clear crystal and shone as if made of diamonds. They started putting forth an odd tinkling noise.

The French doors opened and the people in the procession started tossing Gerber daisies in the air. It was really beautiful.

And then suddenly it was time. Mike started forward, striding fairly majestically through the room, out the doors, and onto the roof of the fraternity.

We exited onto a flat rooftop that was nearly a football field in size and decorated roughly like the wedding reception scene from the movie _Mama Mia_. There were white lights and grape vines hanging everywhere, suspended in the sky without any discernable anchor or perch.

There was a huge crowd on the roof, possibly over two hundred beings, which was intimidating because I didn't know any of them. Most were dressed in various colored togas, while a few were dressed in tuxedos and formal gowns.

I squelched the feeling of loneliness I felt—I missed my parents and Bella—and tried to enjoy the festivities.

I realized the waiting Others were standing a semi circle. Our procession looped around the circle and went forth to an alter that was set up opposite the group of beings. Greek columns flanked it on either side.

I was excited about seeing Jasper and being joined with him, but something felt off. I looked around at the group gathered to witness the joining ceremony and realized no one was smiling. Everyone was in human form, which was another surprise. Aside from the unicorn I was riding and lights hanging from invisible suspension cords or something, there was nothing really out of the ordinary.

_Stuff it_, my inner voice chattered at me. _Just sit back and enjoy_. _ Quit analyzing everything and looking for darker meanings. I am sure there is an explanation for everything and once you're joined you can ask Jasper about it._

Jasper. Just the thought had my heart beating faster and I leaned forward to look for him.

But he wasn't there yet.

I was about to ask (demand) where he was when Jake started speaking.

"I, Jacob Black, prince of the wolves and mate to high sorceress Angela Black, pledge the beautiful human Alice Cullen to Jasper Whitlock Hale. She comes with the support of me and mine, the wolves and the witches. We pledge to support this union and join in battle should any force try to render it apart." As Jake solemnly delivered the speech he raised the rod he was holding up to the sky.

Wow, battle? And Jake's a prince? I mean, literally, a prince? Not just a nice guy who makes Angela super happy?

"I, Carlisle Andrew Cullen, leader of the American Vampire Clan and mate to the vampiress Esme Cullen, pledge the generous, kind, and courageous human Alice Cullen to my dear friend Jasper Whitlock Hale. She comes with the support of me and mine, the American Vampire Clan. We pledge to support this union and join in battle should any force try to tear them asunder." Carlisle too raised his staff towards the sky.

The two men looked imposing and there was utter silence after their pronouncements. But I did feel less animosity from the crowd. And I was definitely touched by their words.

Mike stepped forward and carried me through the raised staffs, which lowered after I passed through. Mike stopped in front of the alter and stood perfectly still. I waited for a second for someone to help me off but no one moved. I was contemplating sliding off the unicorn when the sky erupted with shooting stars and lightening bolts.

I gasped but I was pretty much the only being who seemed impressed with the show. Suddenly there was a loud clash and a group of five figures appeared in front of me on the alter.

I felt instantly better when I recognized three of five: there stood my mate and with Rosalie and Emmett behind him. I noticed he didn't get the unicorn, flowery procession, or staff salute.

His eyes found mine and held my gaze, making me forget to breathe until my lungs started to burn and black spots appeared in my vision. He blinked, and my brain realized I needed air and I was lurching precariously to one side. I straightened and a huge smile bloomed over my face. I finally felt excitement and joy.

Jasper smiled back and covered his heart with hand.

I know I was beaming back.

Mike whinnied quietly. I was literally hopping up and down in my excitement at seeing Jasper. I tried to steady myself, but it was a lost cause. My entire body was thrumming with exhilaration.

I tore my eyes away from Jazz to study his parents. The other two figures, who were standing in front of my love, looked like a really tall, buff Ken and Barbie duo. Both were so gorgeous, it hurt the eyes to stare directly at their perfect features. I guess these were the future scary in-laws.

Neither looked a day over twenty-five. Again, I had to squelch my unease. I knew I couldn't get their age defying beauty regime at the beauty counter in Nordstrom's. Because right now I was human and aging every time I took a breath.

Jasper's father stepped up to the front of the alter and held out his arms.

"Welcome," he thundered, his voice echoing mightily even though we were out in the open with nothing for it to bounce against. I detected a slight accent that sounded Greek or Mediterranean to my ears. "We are honored to have you present to witness the joining ceremony between one of the greatest warriors of our kind, an incubus of much wisdom and distinction, to his… human."

Wow, that squarely put me in my place, didn't it? As much as I loved my friend's attempt to give me a grand entrance, it didn't really matter to his dad. I was just Jasper's human.

My future father-in-law gave me a strange look.

_Oh, shit_, _he's an incubus and he felt my indignation. _

I turned to look at Jasper and tried to bury my hurt and only allow happy emotions to rule.

"I, Mars of Hale, leader of the Counsel of Others, and mate to Venus of Hale, Queen of the Incubi, pledge our son Jasper Whitlock of Hale to this union. He comes with the support of the entire Counsel and every Other being on this planet. We pledge to support this union and join in battle should any force try to tear them asunder."

Jasper's mother strode to stand by her mate. "I call forth Jasper of Hale and Alice Brandon to come forth and join your souls."

Jasper stepped off the alter and walked over to my side. He reached up and grasped my waist, gently lifting me off of Mike's back. He swung me around and then gently placed me down onto the ground. He leaned into me and I thought he might kiss me, but instead he whispered, "I am the luckiest man ever." He took my hand in his and guided me to the alter to stand in front of his parents. Angela and Carlisle stood behind me and once again I felt a twinge of remorse that my parents couldn't be here. I was so lucky to have two friends, though, who were taking their place.

"Only Chosen Ones may have their souls join. Jasper of Hale do you attest that Alice Brandon is your Chose One?" his father thundered.

"Alice Brandon is my Chosen One and the keeper of my heart," declared Jasper, giving me a loving grin.

Someone in the large audience of Others actually had the gall to gasp.

"We shall see," declared his mother. She raised her hands and I felt a gentle pull, a tugging around my skin, and then something important tore away from me. And with its loss I felt deadened, an almost immediate lack of emotion and sense of self.

In front of me a mist seemed to be forming into a solid pink ball hovering in the air. From the periphery of my vision, I saw a brown ball with black and red stains hovering in front of Jasper.

Jasper's mother made a twirling motion and the two orbs flowed to each other, circling and dancing, and suddenly colliding and merging like two clumps of modeling clay. The resulting ball was a deep rose color.

Jasper's mother made another motion and the large ball started spinning, faster and faster, until it split into two. One of the balls moved straight for me and hit me square in the chest.

I took a deep breath as suddenly I was me again, filled with emotions and… life. But something was definitely different. I can't exactly describe the difference but suddenly I felt… less shallow… more fulfilled… more calm. The gnawing need to attach myself to Jasper was gone, but my love for him remained.

I'd have to process this at a later date because I became entangled in Jasper's embrace as his lips sought out mine and his tongue decided to explore my mouth's crevice. I wanted to jump this boy's bones seven ways to Sunday.

"The fates indeed chose this couple," boomed Jasper's father. "I present to you Jasper and Alice of Hale."

I heard cheering and clapping in the distance but my world had centered in on my love, Jasper. And his amazing lips. And how we were going to have sex in the next sixty seconds.

Jasper pulled away enough to whisper, "I love you." He then began to nibble at my ear.

"I love you too, Jazz," I replied. And I started my own nibbling on his delectable chin.

A waive of utter calm hit me and suddenly the intense desire to jump Jasper's bones was gone. Jasper stopped kissing me and pulled away, though he still clutched his hand in mine.

"We will now adjourn to the ballroom for the rest of the ceremony," Jasper's mother, Venus, announced. I realized she too had the same strange accent as Jasper's father.

The crowd started moving towards the French doors, which had tripled in size and now looked like a grand entryway.

"There's more?" I whispered to Jasper.

"Yes," he admitted. He brought my hand up and kissed my knuckles. He turned me towards his parents.

"Alice, may I present my parents, Mars and Venus," he said.

_Was now the time to laugh because they were named after two planets?_

"You're human finds us amusing," observed Venus, not looking pleased by pleasure at her expense.

"I was just pondering your names," I admitted.

"They were venerated names in our day, missy," Mars said sternly.

I was really trying to stamp out my amusement, but it was really absurd to hear a twenty-five year old looking man call me "young missy."

"Matri," Rosalie interrupted, "We are needed inside. Why don't we continue this conversation later? Alice knows absolutely nothing of our world or the significance of your names. As you can feel, she is a person who enjoys life and finds pleasure in much. She is a wonderful addition to our family."

"We shall see," Venus replied coolly. She and Mars moved towards the door only to be blocked by Jasper, who relinquished my hand to stand before them and block their path.

"Alice is my life," he stated. "Look into my feelings to see this truth. You shall treat her with respect and welcome her into this family."

Venus simply lifted an eyebrow at Jasper.

"We accept she is your fated mate," grumbled Mars. "But she needs to learn her place and that we do things a certain way."

"Her place is with me, patri," stated my handsome mate, who was (if possible) becoming dearer to me with each word he uttered. "I am indeed fortunate to find a person who is filled with such joy when I have so little to bring."

Ok, now I needed a little bit of time to digest the last part. Had Jazz's life been so bad before?

"We'll give you a few moments alone with your Chosen One," Mars stated and he escorted his wife through the doors.

That left me and Jazz staring at a widely grinning Rosalie and Emmett.

Emmett and Jasper exchanged some macho hug/ slapping hand combination while Rosalie gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Congrats you two!" Emmett practically shouted.

"Welcome to the family!" Rosalie exclaimed, pretty much matching her mate in volume.

And then it hit me: I was joined with the man I loved. He was mine.

I turned towards him and rushed into his arms, laying my cheek against his heart, which was thundering widely. Underneath his collected demeanor, he too was affected by tonight's events.

I felt him lay a kiss on my head. I squeezed my eyes shut and wished I could just end the evening right then and there. I just wanted to be alone with Jazz.

But not because I yearned to be a part of him—in fact I felt strong and independent for the first time in two weeks. But I wanted time to savor these new feelings with the man I loved (and to ask the zillion questions buzzing through my mind).

"Uh, we'll leave you two lovebirds alone," said Emmett, trying to drag a protesting Rosalie away.

"But, we have… Eeekkkk!" I peeked around Jasper's arm to see Emmett hoisting his mate over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "Put me down this instant," she screamed.

"Come on, sweet cheeks," he said, swatting Rosalie's ass. "Let's go find a nice empty janitor's closet." He then bounded off, running faster than humanly possible.

I did not envy Rosalie's stomach. He really was a big turd.

Jasper's hand touched my cheek, drawing my attention back to his perfect face. Gorgeous green eyes framed by thick eye lashes that had a tint of gold in them.

"Alice, I was serious," Jasper said. "Your soul is amazing. While my soul… I am ashamed at how stained my soul is, darlin'. And now you must share that burden."

"Jazz," he flinched a little at the nickname. Hopefully, it would grow on him because I was really starting to like it. "I don't feel burdened. I feel more mature… more grounded, maybe. And I can feel you inside me, which is awesome. Its like you're lending me your strength and warmth."

"While you're lending me your optimism and love of life," Jasper replied in a whisper, a look of awe on his face. "I feel absolutely reborn."

"It's overwhelming, isn't it?"

"Yeah, you may feel more ground, darlin', but I feel slightly off kilter."

I grinned up at him and winked. "I kind of like keeping you off kilter."

"Well, let's go in and get through the rest of tonight's trials," Jasper said, crossing his eyes and sticking out his tongue.

"Hey!" I exclaimed, pretending to slug him in the stomach. "That's my joining reception you're talking about, buster. It's a night you're never going to forget."

"Absolutely." And he leaned in and brushed his lips against mine. Once. Twice. And then his hands were sliding up my arms and…

"Jasper, you are needed posthaste!" demanded a booming voice I knew belonged to Jasper's dad Mars.

Jasper groaned and backed away, taking a moment to collect himself. He then offered me his hand, which I took.

"So the names Mars and Venus?" I asked tentatively, afraid to get the answer. "Your parents were named after the Roman gods, right?"

"Ummm…… Not named _after_ them per se."

"Those pieces of space garbage were named after us," Mars declared, his voice doing that stronger echoing thing. "Not that anyone asked our damn permission or anything."

I was so stunned that I just let Jasper pull me through the doors.

**Author Note:**

**One more chapter and then GLLTSG ends ****but**** the story continues with the GOOD LOOKING LOONY TOONS VAMPIRE GUY. **

**Why make it a sequel if it is the same damn story, you ask? (Thanks for asking.) First, I want to incorporate more of Edward and Bella's story. Second, I want to be able to vary character's POVs—right now I am limited to just Alice's POV. Third, I will definitely be continuing with Alice and Jasper's storyline in the sequel, so don't worry JALICE fans.**

**So reason three was a MAJOR hint that next chapter will not be a HEA. I need to warn you now so that no one hunts me down and goes Misery on my ass. If you want the HEA, read When Jasper Met Alice. It'll happen, just not next chapter.**

**I dedicate this chapter to ****Sunshinemommy **** who came up with the unicorn idea. We'll be seeing more creatures next chapter (although I'm saving some for the sequel). Thank you to everyone who contributed an idea. Please keep them coming. I can't respond to reviews on fanfiction from work or on Blackberry so I am only responding if you leave a question due to my limited time to do so at home. If you don't leave a question, then I am giggling manically at work at your review. Which probably makes my coworkers very uncomfortable. Your reviews provide the fuel for my will to write. Keep 'em coming, please.**

**Big shout out to my number one enabler RoseArcadia, the ladies on the ELS and GLLTSG forums at twilighted(dot)net, and TallulahBelle (who needs to publish the next chapter of her story Elementals like yesterday). Blame her if I take a while to write my own chapters: my mind is too busy trying to figure out all her plot twists. Seriously, if you like fantasy/ sci fi stories, check Elementals out. **

**So who's in-laws think they're Roman Gods?**


	22. Chapter 22: Part 1

**Dedicated to my friends on the Twilighted forum, my good friend and great author TallulahBelle, my best friend RoseArcadia, to all my readers, and to mauge who is helping with all this Argentinian. Jajajaja.**

**This is a long chapter. Due to size restraints on fanfiction, I had to cut it into 2 parts (it will appear as one chapter on Twilighted later this week). So this is the first part, and I should have the second part up in a day or so. **

We walked through the French doors and into a large ballroom with large windows that showed a large city's skyline.

Not the skyline of the city that I lived in.

I stopped short in surprise while Jasper kept walking. Owww!!! This getting yanked like a Chihuahua on a short leash had to fucking stop.

_Great thing about being mated to an incubus_: they know when you're pissed off and in pain.

Jasper stopped walking and turned toward me, concerned. I yanked my hand out of his and rubbed my arm. He cringed and laid a kiss on my shoulder.

"Sorry, darlin', I think some of your enthusiasm might have rubbed off on me," he admitted ruefully, running a hand through his golden locks.

I forgave him. The hurt had already pretty much gone away so it was foolish to be pissed. We just needed more practice walking hand-in-hand.

Jasper placed his hand at the small of my back and we steered me through the crowd. This seemed like every other large, formal reception I'd ever seen. Round tables with flower centerpieces surrounded a stage and dance floor.

Except the huge flower centerpieces had what appeared to be lots of glowing Tinkerbellish fairies flitting about them. And the bows tied around each chair were bedecked with precious jewels.

"Are we in New York City?" I hissed at Jasper, still distracted by the city skyline around us. We'd just traveled thousands of miles by walking through the French doors.

"I believe so," he said. "I think we're on an in-between floor in a Manhattan skyscraper."

Ok, I had to friggin' bite. "An in-between floor?"

"Yeah, Others tend to live in spaces that humans don't know exist. The witches have managed to bend space so that a couple of inches between floors becomes just another floor in the building."

"So did you all think of this or did you just rip off of a Harry Potter movie?"

Jasper just gave me an amused smile and continued to effortlessly move through the throngs of people, occasionally calling out a greeting or waving, but not actually stopping to talk to anyone.

Jasper and I paused at a huge archway at the back of the room held up by a lot of flying cherubs. Yeah, fat naked little men with wings on their back. It sounds a lot prettier then it looks in real life. Some of those little men needed man bras and a razor. And I wished all of them were in diapers. Yuck. Jasper tried to keep from laughing at my reaction, I guess so as not offend the little flashers, but a snort escaped. He covered his face, but I swear I heard a giggle escape.

My big scary general was giggling. What had joining with my soul done to him?

The lights dimmed in the room and a spot light appeared on the stage. In a puff of smoke, the devil in a nice Ralph Lauren dress coat and trousers--from their fall collection-- appeared, complete with horns, red skin, and a long speared tail.

"Satan?" I gasped, instinctively backing away.

"No, not the way you mean" Jasper gave a manly chuckle; he'd somehow managed to overcome his giggle fit. "That's actually Paul, Emmett's first cousin. He's a Ohanid demon. One of his foolish ancestors let humans see his Other persona and got put in some medieval paintings depicting the devil. Especially funny since as a whole they're pacifists."

"Remind me not to sign any paperwork Emmett hands me," I joked. "I've already lost my soul once tonight."

Jasper kissed the top of my head in response.

"Good evening, gentle beings, members of the Counsel, and our newly joined couple, Jasper of Hale and Alice Brandon," Paul declared smoothly with an almost oily grin. He sounded like a game show host or a used car salesman. "Please give a warm round of applause for our lucky couple."

Everyone in the room—with the exception of some dour persons that Jasper whispered were Counsel Members—broke into wild applause. I heard Emmett's distant hooting from somewhere on the left side of the room.

I gave a small wave and Jasper escorted me onto the stage. We walked onto the stage and stood behind Paul. I kept an eye on his tail that he seemed to randomly whip around.

"We have secured the premises and we invite everyone to change to whatever form they feel most comfortable in," Paul continued. "Unless you are a dragon or troll and then we ask that you abstain due to the space limits of this room."

There was a collective sigh of relief and then lots of pops, whistles, smoke and farts as people changed.

My eyes couldn't take in all of the different beings who appeared. I saw traditional fairy tale creatures, conventional monsters straight out of a horror movie, and things I had absolutely no frame of reference for….

In human form, I was suddenly part of a minority. Only about one tenth of the beings present were in human shape and goodness knows how many of those were dragons or trolls.

"We will now begin the transformation part of this evening," Paul announced grandly. I guess he was the MC of this shindig. "I invite the representative from the Fates responsible for this couple's joining to come forward."

The audience exploded in whispers and excited yelps. I looked at Jasper questioningly.

"It is very unusual to actually see a Fate," he explained. "Normally, they're invisible or in disguise. This is a true honor for us and a treat for just about everyone in the room."

I saw a lone figure make his way to the stage. For the first time this evening, Jasper was as shocked as I was because the figure coming towards us was James.

"But…" I stuttered. "But…"

James climbed onto the stage and came over to give me a hug. I couldn't help it, I flinched a little bit. His attack was still fresh in my mind. "I'm sorry, babe," he whispered. "It was the only way to wake Jasper. I hope one day you'll forgive me."

"Or maybe one day I'll just draw and quarter you," threatened Jasper. "You traumatized Alice. I can still feel her fear, even now."

James bowed deeply in front of me. This caused an even bigger gasp than before from the gathered Others.

He stood up and said, "I am deeply honored to have brought forth two such noble souls to become one. Jasper, the Fates worked long and hard to find a woman to give you joy and balance in your life."

I felt a wave of love from Jasper. "Thank you," he said simply to the man he'd just threatened. "I am truly a blessed man."

"Alice," declared James. "Normally, when an Other takes a human as a mate, the fates grant the human immortality."

A burden flew off my shoulder. I was going to be able to stay young with Jasper.

"But," James said and then paused. My hopes dropped. Had I done something to not deserve immortality? Shit. Shit. Shit.

"But," James said again, a huge reassuring grin crossing his face. "Because of my personal love for this wonderful couple, I petitioned and received permission to grant you a boon."

My heart skipped a beat and I held my breath.

"Alice, I can change you to any being you so choose," he said.

There were some screams of outrage from the audience. I saw stars and swayed. Both

Jasper and James rushed forward to grab me on either side.

"Alice, in your family tree you have Others ancestors," declared James. "On your paternal side you have Leprechaun blood." Duh! Anyone who'd ever seen my dad wouldn't be surprised by that. A group of small men with pointed ears and dressed in sparkling Emerald green togas cheered loudly toasting me with tankards of a greenish brew.

"And on your mother's side you have troll blood," he added, a definite tinkle in his eyes.

I sucked air down the wrong windpipe and started choking. A table of rugged looking people in the back hooted and hollered. I guess that was the troll contingent who hadn't been allowed to change into their troll form.

WTF? My beautiful, petite mother had troll blood in her veins? How was that even possible?

Well, I guess that might explain her affinity for real estate.

I looked at the small men and the rugged people in the back and realized I didn't want to be a troll or leprechaun. I didn't want to be obsessed with a bridge or a pot of gold. Still trying to catch my breath, I looked at Jazz helplessly.

"As much I am proud that my mate carries those illustrious blood lines," said my mate, patting my shoulder supportively, "I don't think either of those would be appropriate for her."

There were some boos from the leprechauns and trolls, but no one protested too loudly.

"If I may, Alice," James said. "I had the pleasure of becoming your friend and learning something of your personality. Therefore, I believe I have the perfect form for you."

I tensed. Was he going to make me a pixie or a Sprite or something? I wasn't sure if I wanted to be those things either. I didn't want to be flighty or air headed. I wanted something with more substance and responsibility. Probably Jasper's soul's influence on me…

"How would you feel about becoming the Muse of Fashion?" asked James and then he braced himself.

Good thing too because I went off like a New Year's Eve firework. I squealed and jumped onto James and covered him with kisses. Jasper had to pry me away from the boy. The once suave looking James now looked crumpled and silly with lips stamped across his face in the shade of coral lipstick I was wearing.

"I take that as an agreement?" he asked. I nodded excitedly, clasping my hands in joy.

"So be it," James said. A look of fierce determination crossed his face and he closed his eyes. I felt warmth explode into me and then the indescribable feeling of power sweeping into every particle of my body shot through me like a bolt of electricity.

My senses sharpened and the small twinge in my shoulder disappeared. I felt stronger and healthier than ever before. I gazed around the audience and in amazement could tell automatically what brand of clothing each person was wearing, who designed it, how and where it was made, and how much it cost. I could also see a purple glow around certain beings, which I instinctively knew was their talent for fashion. Rosalie, who was standing at window with Emmett, had a fairly large purple glow.

"Alice?" Jasper asked hesitantly. I turned towards my mate and gasped. I know saw with my enhanced vision a network of scars that ran across his skin. As a human, he'd been perfect in my eyes but now I saw he had visible tokens of his many battles. I also saw that he had not one bit of a purple aura. Not even a smudge.

Jazz squirmed under my eye, embarrassed, I guess, by his scarred appearance.

I gave myself some time to study his imperfections and realized I found the scars attractive. They gave him a dangerous edge and honestly they didn't overpower at al his manly beauty. They almost enhanced it.

Damn, I really, really wanted to get the boy naked so I could see where the scars led under his clothing. Maybe I could trace them with my tongue. And then I could…

Someone harrumphed in the audience. Rosalie shouted, "You go, girl!"

"Alice," whispered Jasper. "You amaze me. I am glad you still find me attractive but right now the Incubus elders can feel what you are feeling…"

Oh, yeah. That probably wasn't a good thing. _Alright, what can I think of to distract myself?_ I looked at James and then thought about Bella and how surprised she'd be to find out her ex-boy friend is an undercover Fate.

Bella.

My parents.

I miss them.

My dad would totally be tickled at me becoming a muse. He always said he and my mom were his inspiration for seeking justice in the world. And now my job was to inspire.

I felt sadness and longing for my loved ones who were not here with me.

"Babe, think happy thoughts today," said Jasper. "You, my love, suddenly control all things fashionable."

_Ok, feeling better. _

"Good luck, my fair Alice," James said and gave a kiss on each cheek. "Choose wisely."

What did that mean? Before I could question him, he'd disappeared into thin air.

"We now invite our Bard to tell the tale of Alice and Jasper," Paul announced.

What I can only describe as a faun arose from the back of the room and strode on to the stage. He was wearing a pair of short trousers so I couldn't see where his half goat part joined with his half human part. Hmmm…

The Bard pulled out a pipe from his pocket and blew a note. He then placed the pipe in the air just to the left of him where it remained suspended, still magically playing beautiful notes.

He spoke in a sing-songy voice and the pipe provided a light melody to complement his words:

**Let me tell you the tale of our brave and noble Jasper of Hale. **

**Son of the proud and stubborn Mars and Venus of Hale, who probably have too much power in the world of Others while mired in the ways of the old.**

**They were perfectly happy for hundreds of years, ruling the humans as god and goddess, while leading the Others into debacle and debauchery. **

**But one day they realized they'd increase their power and influence if they bore children.**

**So out popped young Jasper, a squalling young baby.**

**His parents doted from a distance; Jasper was raised in a clique of Incubus. **

**Serious and studious he soon became the leader of his group, a scrappy young thing who never backed down from a fight. **

**Upon puberty his soul sucking powers blossomed and he received his first sacrifice at the age of fourteen, sucking down the soul of a human in one breath.**

**Jasper joined the Other's Infantry of Protectors ten years later to make his parents proud and to steal emotions on the battleground.**

**Too much a bleeding heart coward was he to take human sacrifices now. **

**He was fearless and merciless, building a reputation for cunning and ruthlessness that set his enemies knees a trembling. **

**He cruelly played with their emotions, banqueting on their misery and pain.**

**At the age of 212, he led a revolt against the Incubi practice of yearly sacrifice and forced his people to find other ways to survive**

**He led them to near starvation in order to save the lives of mere humans.**

**As a soldier always looking to battle, he became sliced and diced and blemished all over until he was completely disfigured **

**Tokens of his courage and reminders of his shame.**

**He watched as all other incubi, including his baby sister who is over eighteen hundred years his junior, found their mates. **

**Each incubus able to slake their never-ending thirst.**

**But not noble Jasper. **

**He was the last of the Incubus, the oldest virgin in all of the Kingdom of Others, the being unworthy of a mate.**

**The butt of many a joke and cautionary tale.**

**And then the soldier put down the sword and took up the book.**

**Determined to become the scholar during our times of peace.**

**But without battle, his hunger overcame him and so the shame of his family he consorted with the lowest of the low.**

**He formed a close friendship with a bloodsucker whose endless self doubt and self pity helped take the edge off the incubus's hunger.**

**Manipulated by the bloodsucker, Jasper gained status for the vampires, the lowest of the low.**

**And contrary to rumors, besides a couple of kisses, the vamp and the Incubus never did the deed.**

**Our boy was still a virgin.**

**Then he found his Big Mac, his cornucopia of sustenance, in a human.**

**So overwhelmed was our virgin, that he could not speak in his mate's presence without becoming a muddled mess.**

**He acted like an uncouth satyr and got kneed in the family jewels for efforts.**

**The once mighty general brought down by a mere slip of a girl. **

**Instead of claiming his mate as the Fates intended, the doubting Thomas recognized his beautifully self centered and ditzy mate was human and feared his hunger would drain her.**

**Another human sacrifice. **

**For never before has an Incubus mated with a human before today.**

**So he stalked his little social butterfly, scaring her into turning to human law for protection**

**Not the brightest light bulb, it took him months to figure out that his mate had an unending supply of energy, with Others blood running in her veins. **

**So the Incubus, his blood sucking almost lover, and his oaf of a brother-in-law, concocted a lame scheme to get Jasper laid and fed**

**Unaware the entire time that a Fate lay in wait, manipulating all**

**Eventually lamebrain scheme finally worked and we come to today.**

**Jasper, the last of the unmated incubus, is finally joined..**

**Thank the Fates above!**

The Bard ended his song with a flourish and the audience broke into applause.

"Jasper, what the hell is this?" I whispered. My head spinning at all the revelations I heard. Mostly, I couldn't get over the fact that Edward and Jasper had kissed. More than once it sounded like.

Wow!

"Basically it is a roast," said Jasper, a bright red hue along his cheeks. He was definitely blocking his emotions from me right now. "The Bard discloses your worst secrets so your mate is not surprised. It made a lot more sense back in the day when mates didn't meet each other until the actual day of the joining ceremony. Fucking traditions."

"Is he going to do me?" I asked, squeezing Jasper's hand.

Jasper nodded and pulled me into his arms.

Fuck.


	23. Chapter 22: Part 2

**Last chapter second half (please make sure you've already read the first part of Chapter 22 or this will not make sense). I will email the prologue to the sequel to anyone who reviews… Cause I am manipulative like that. You know you love me, BB. ;)**

The Bard cleared his throat and everyone quieted. I considered tackling the singing bastard before he could start but I realized that this physically close to him; I could feel Jazz's embarrassment at the disclosures. I guess getting part of his soul allowed me some access to his feelings. And I didn't want him to suffer alone, so I knew I had to take my turn at the public degradation.

**Let me tell you the tale of our gorgeous and courageous Alice Brandon, social climber extraordonaire.**

**Who was the much wanted daughter of a self important lawyer and his land grubbing wife, who planned to have many a healthy bouncing babe and ended up with only small Alice instead, born two months too soon.**

**One night after imbibing two bottles of wine, the two mated like monkeys while listening to Aerosmith's "Angel" and conception occurred.**

**After four disappointing pregnancies cut short, her parents prayed and wept and kept close to home and on the seventh month Alice appeared, impatient even as a babe.**

**An only child, their daughter received every privilege and just about every request she made was granted.**

**A pony at six, a corvette at sixteen, Alice was spoiled beyond all measure. **

**Daughter to workaholics who easily got caught up in the silly vestiges of their employment, Alice battled for her mother and father's attention.**

**She learned could argue eloquently by the age of two and from that time forward ruled her house with an iron fit, both parents rapped tightly around her credit card holding finger.**

**So says Queen Alice was the practice of the day.**

**But her inability to see beyond her own needs was not tolerated very well by her peers and no one would befriend the lonely girl, too shallow to realize she was lacking.**

**For most children want friendship with someone who actually cares for them.**

**Small-minded in her views, Alice gave little thought to anything else but her own self-centered wants**

**One day when she was fourteen, Alice stumbled on a scrawny girl poorly dressed totally in black and cowering in a school library behind a book.**

**Alice befriended the emotionally stunted girl and decided to overhaul her and create an instant friend, a person who could be a reflection of her own beauty.**

**She chose the meek and annoyingly shy girl to be her friend because she knew she could control her easily.**

**But the girl thwarted Alice at every turn when it came to changing her appearance.**

**Our silly Alice took this as a challenge and to this day still has not given up her quest to force her friend into the roll of a Barbie Doll.**

**And Alice, at best, was a fair weather friend, abandoning the girl in her time of need to pursue Jasper.**

**Alice shamelessly manipulates all persons around her, her sharp wit and logical mind giving her an uncanny ability to predict and guide their behavior.**

**She carefully chooses friends who will be malleable, lacking self confidence, and who will not stand in her way.**

**At age eighteen Alice attended college, forcing her long suffering friend to join her at the school of Alice's choice. **

**At University, Alice discovered her calling was publicly humiliating people she felt were unworthy because they did not agree with her taste, including her future sister-in-law whom she dubbed Queen Bitch.**

**Alice parted her legs for the first time to the captain of the football team.**

**No blushing virgin when she met Jasper, she'd lay with four other men before she met her mate and fooled around with others.**

**She was easily manipulated by the Fates and opened her legs within moments of receiving Jasper's undivided attention.**

**A human weakling, Jasper's attention almost killed her until she was bailed out by a great sorceress who formed a friendship with the human based on lies and deceit.**

**Alice fooled the Fate James into thinking she was worthy enough to be a Muse and now has been granted God like powers, which she will undoubtedly abuse.**

**Although loved by her parents, she will soon be replaced by their long awaited second child, their concern at her sudden disappearance evaporating when they receive the baby they've always wanted.**

**Alice's main purpose in life will be to feed Jasper's appetite and to inspire the next wave of over priced, over conceptualized merchandize. **

**Disloyal to her core, the hussy has already forsaken Jasper by engaging in sexual games with his best friend, the vampire, while taunting our great general as he looked on helplessly.**

**It didn't matter that the vamp is mated to her best friend, all that matters is what Alice wants.**

**Now, thank the gods, she is under the power and control of her in-laws who will do all to protect their lovesick fool son from her treachery.**

**Thank the Fates above!**

_Oh shit_, I thought, tears streaming down my face and guilt nearly choking me. I hid my face in Jazz's shoulder, horribly ashamed. _I am a horrible person. Is this how people see me? Have I been that selfish?_

"Alice, its not true," said Jasper, planting kisses all over my face between sentences. "The Bard just tells what your deepest fears are, the truths as you see them. He plays on your guilt and self doubt. He then gives a very skewered version of your history, painting you in the worst light possible."

"Why?" I cried, not appeased at all. I had wronged Bella horribly and I had completely let down my parents. "How can you even stand to be near me?"

"Because now I know your darkest secrets," he said softly, "and I don't care. My feelings for you are completely unchanged. In fact, it is nice to know that you actually have self doubt and guilt. You are one of the most confident people I know so I wasn't even aware you had this side to your personality. It gives you more dimensions and makes you vulnerable. It makes me want to care for you and spend the rest of my days reassuring you that are practically perfect in every way,"

"You are a goof," I said, a smile playing on my lips. "You're quoting Disney classics to me now?"

He leaned in and brushed his lips against mine, sweetly deepening the kiss. We broke apart as thunderous applause, whistles, and cat calls erupted form the audience.

"The couple has been warned by the Bard but obviously wishes to proceed." MC Paul intoned. "We will now commence with the vows."

"Jasper of Hale, do you pledge to uphold the laws of the Counsel?"

"I do."

"Will you ensure your mate is aware of and follows all of the Other's laws?"

"I will."

"Do you pledge allegiance to the Other's Counsel?"

"I do."

"Alice Brandon, do you pledge to uphold the laws of the Counsel?"

"I do."

"Will you ensure your mate is aware of and follows all of the Other's laws?"

"I will."

"Do you pledge allegiance to the Other's Counsel?"

"I do."

"Do you pledge to forsake your human life, never to make contact with your family or friends again?"

"Excuse me?" What did forsaking my life mean? I looked at Jasper and saw a look of surprise across his face. I grabbed his hand and could now sense his surprise, anger, and concern.

"That is not a vow my mate needs to take," he declared. "There is no rule asking mated Others to forsake their families and no human mate has been asked to so before either."

Mars stood from his seat in the audience. "The Counsel _now_ requires that any human who joins our world cut all ties with their human life. It is imperative that our secrets be guarded."

"When did this become a rule?" demanded Jasper.

"Just this evening, son," said Mars, smugly.

"That is unacceptab…" Jasper started, and then he crumpled to the floor, unable to move. "Matri," he whispered.

"Jasper, you will obey the dictates of the board," Venus said coolly, "We will not allow any childish rebellion."

I suddenly couldn't breathe. The Counsel felt I was untrustworthy and so they'd changed the rules to ensure my silence.

And my parents, friends, and family were going to pay the price. I had a flashback to the pain in my mother's eye when she talked about her problems with pregnancy and hinted at the horror of losing her unborn children. I thought about how proud my father was of me and all the efforts he made to understand me.

How could I give them up?

How could I hurt my parents?

How could I give up my best friends? My life? My goals?

"Human, quit being so dramatic," declared Mars. "The Fates provided your parents with a replacement child. You are not so irreplaceable."

As much as I wished the Bard had been right, I wasn't that selfish person. I knew my disappearance would destroy my parents and I knew I couldn't just drop out of their life. The baby was important, but I knew my parents. I knew that I needed them still and they needed me. I couldn't destroy them, even for my other half.

Jasper looked at me and nodded, struggling against the hold his mother had imposed.

Our souls were one and I knew he understood. I leaned over and kissed him, projecting my love to him.

"I must make this choice right now?" I asked Mars.

"Yes."

"Can I speak with Jasper?"

"Not until you make the vow," thundered Mars.

"What will happen to Jasper if I cannot make the vow?" I asked, my voice trembling as I tried to keep my overwhelming sorrow and despair at bay.

Suddenly I didn't feel any of those emotions. I felt happy and content. Overflowing with happiness and content. Of course, I could take the vow. No problem. I was happy that my parents would be crushed.

"Patri, cease manipulating my mate's emotions," ordered Jasper. "She must be free to decide. And I had no idea she'd be asked to give up her family. That is an unacceptable sacrifice,"

The happiness feeling disappeared and again despair set in, as well as a panic as I realized I would have to sacrifice something.

"I can't destroy my parents," I whispered to Jasper, as I crumbled down to the floor besides him. He slowly encircled me with his arms, his flushed face as he battled the forces keeping him compliant.

"I know," he responded, holding me tight. "I wouldn't want you to, love."

"What will happen to Jasper if I cannot take this oviw?" I asked his parents again. I lay my head against his chest and heard his thundering heart beat. Hot tears ran down my face and stung the corners of my eyes. My chest hurt.

"What do you care, you ungrateful child, you do not deserve my son!" screamed Venus. "We have given you everything and you dare to ask for more!"

"I will be fine," said Jasper. "They cannot tear apart our souls so I will not suffer at all. And now that we are joined we will not suffer if we cannot be physically together."

Oh my god, I hadn't even thought of Jasper suffering. I was so torn.

I literally started to hyperventilate. I couldn't get air into my lungs.

"Alice, I vow will find a way for us to be together, love," Jasper said. "Your place is in the human world with your parents but I will not allow us to be apart for too long."

How? My soul cried out. I still wasn't thinking rationally. I felt insane, split in two. The thoughts in my head were thundering.

Jasper turned to his parents. "I revoke my vow."

I broke down and heaved large tears. "No, Jasper, wait. There has to be another way," I said, chanting the phrase over and over again, clinging to it like a mantra. How could things have gone so wrong, so quickly?

I heard a wail like a banshee, screaming for Angela to abide by the laws of the Others. Cursing any joined person who dared helped me. Forbidding Jasper from ever communicating with me again.

I reached my head up to try to kiss Jasper good-bye and all went blank

**************

Darkness.

That's what pops into my mind when I try to remember anything before March 13, 2009. It's like someone went into my head and ripped out all my memories.

I have since learned I am Alice Brandon, daughter to a federal judge and a real estate broker. Soon to be older sister. Ex-roommate to a girl named Bella who is missing.

I don't remember anything.

But I have a great record of my life to fall back upon. Strangely, I was well prepared to lose my memory. My parents recorded pretty much every moment of my first two years of existence on VHS, and then kept meticulous records and more video recordings of all sorts of events in my life, from my first day of kindergarten to the first sketch I ever drew. All of this would be overwhelming for anyone who hadn't lost their memory.

My parents obviously love me and I so very blessed to have them. And I have definitely learned to love them in the month since I woke with no memory of myself.

And I too recorded much in my life before the memory through my journals, newspaper articles, and fashion blog. I'd pretty much written what I was feeling or thinking just about every day of my life.

Well, until two weeks before my memory loss, when I suddenly stopped. It is eerie. _Why did I stop writing?_

No one knows. My two closest friends, according to my parents, Angela and Bella are missing in action. I received a letter from Angela saying she'd dropped out of school and is living on a reservation outside of Seattle with her husband. I imagine she is some type of hippie, although that image doesn't quite match up with my journal entries. I shudder to think the poor girl might actually be wearing hemp.

In her letter, Angela says my ex-roommate Bella is off finding herself and has also dropped out of school for the semester. I pray she comes back next term. I can tell from my collected Alice Cullen memorabilia that she was an important part of my life.

And I hope that she can help me figure out why I lost my memory. The doctors who have poked and prodded me countless times think I must have suffered a traumatic event or something.

I am now living with my parents and commuting to school each day. It was weird to live in my dorm by myself, and my RA Jada was really creepy. She kept looking at me and bursting into tears. She said she just hated that I'd lost my memory but I get the feeling she knows more than she's saying.

And now I can spend each evening, huddled by mother, sipping the hot _mate_ she's brewed for, and waiting for my father to come home. I truly dislike the tea, but I haven't the heart to disrupt our ritual with that little truth.

Thankfully, my memory loss only seems to be connected to my personal life. I didn't forget how to speak or read or any of the things I learned last semester in my classes. It's bizarre, I don't remember what in occurred in the classes but I remember what I learned in them.

My parents tell me I was seriously involved with a guy right before my memory loss, but I don't have any mementos or notes about him. _Wouldn't I at least have a picture_? My parents supposedly met him but they can't remember what he looked like or even his name. Maybe memory loss is genetic. Maybe we all ate lead for dinner or something. I'm starting to lean towards an abducted by aliens theory. I just hope they didn't anally probe me or anything.

I've just about given up searching for answers.

Instead, I am concentrating on getting to know my parents and re-establishing my identity. Making my own memories that I can savor, not just find out about secondhand.

Surprisingly, despite the trauma, I sleep very soundly each night and wake up refreshed each morning, ready to face the day.

Which is great since my karma has been really wonky lately… Last week I was almost crushed by a falling tree and yesterday I was almost struck by lightening.

I know: what are the odds?

But it hasn't all been bad: lately, I've noticed a really cute guy who is always around, staring at me. It's almost disconcerting at how studiously he tracks my every move.

I should feel threatened, but I don't. Instead, I feel safe when he is around. And I have been getting strange flashes of him kissing me and caressing my body. They're the closest thing I have to a memory. It could just be my imagination but the images are comforting none the less.

I definitely feel a link to this man. And, today, I plan to confront him and ask him why he is so familiar and why he's stalking me.

I'm done waiting to see if he'll make the first move. He seems content to just watch from the sidelines, so I gathered my courage and walk up to him.

"You've kept me waiting," I tell him, leaning my head back to look up, up into his eyes.

"Sorry," he mumbles, looking surprised that I have called him out.

"I'm Alice," I say with a bright smile.

He gives me a tentative smile back and brushes his messy reddish brown hair off his forehead. "It's nice to meet you, Alice. I'm Edward."

Again I feel the connection and I just know this must be the man for me.

I hope he's single.

To be Continued in _The Good Looking Loony Toons Vampire Guy._

**Author Notes:**

**Ok, breathe.**

**If you review and do not cuss at me too badly, I will email you the prologue of the GLLTVG told from Bella's POV. **

**Re-read When Jasper Met Alice or So Says Queen Alice: J & A do live happily ever after. Also, I'd suggest When Edward Met Jada so you can see what the guys were like before they scared the bejesus out of Alice by breaking into her room.**

**I am very sad that this is the end of the GLLTSG. I am honestly amazed that anyone has read all 22 chapters, let alone left comments and reviews. I have met the best people by writing this and I treasure a lot of the friendships I have gained.**

**Thank you to my bestest RoseArcadia who is still mad about this ending, even though she knew it was coming. She made me have the prologue of the new story ready so that you all wouldn't go too deeply into shock. **


	24. Announcement

Announcement:

The entire prologue for this story's sequel, **The Good Looking Loony Toons Vampire Guy,** has now been published. Please go check it out.

Thanks! 

jajo


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